Help, girlfriend has grown distant

[Man43]

Ladies please HELP!!!!!

My girlfriend an I have not been together very long, but everything fit perfectly, even after I had to move to another town. We both vowed to find a way o move back (ie: me to her or her to me, depending on work.)
We used to talk /text at least 5 times a day and visited every oppurtunity.

She has a 9 year old son who has had bone cancer previously. He's a great kid and I genuinely like him. The trouble started about 3 weeks before when he suddenly became ill again, there is talk of amputating his arm.
My girlfriend suddenly started pulling away. Said that she had a lot going on. Told her that I'm here for her and won't let her down. She said that she appreciates my support and messages.
Problem is that I haven't seen her in 2 weeks now, there's always some excuse why I shouldn't visit and she almost never texts me back. She has also stopped answering her phone.
I really love her and don't want to lose her, but I'm starting to feel like an unwanted stalker!
Please HELP!!!

[Sami09]

i just think she really upset about the situation which is understandable just try to support or and help her out. Go and see you again. She son is so young too be sick be there for her. If problems only started when this happened its not you its her son illness getting too her.

[vashti]

I'm sorry to say she is doing exactly as she should, considering the severity of her son's illness. Speaking as a mother, I can say that her love life is so unimportant right now that it almost would be trivial for her to devote any time at all to you, and she certainly doesn't need another person around who "needs" her for anything.

Sorry my friend, but your timing is bad, and well... timing is everything.

[Ellynn]

I'm sorry to say she is doing exactly as she should, considering the severity of her son's illness. Speaking as a mother, I can say that her love life is so unimportant right now that it almost would be trivial for her to devote any time at all to you, and she certainly doesn't need another person around who "needs" her for anything.

Sorry my friend, but your timing is bad, and well... timing is everything.

I agree with this. I actually feel the same way about relationships. I take care of my mom who has bone cancer and its metastisizing yet again as of recently. So, relationships are nearly impossible. When you devote all your time and effort to someone who is ill, it would be almost impossible to start up anything real serious or keep anything going. I would just feel like I would be cheating whoever I get involved with. I wouldn't be able to really put anything into a relationship. Taking care of a sick family member really takes a lot out of you emotionally and physically.

All i can tell you is to give her space and just offer to be there for her if she needs you. Support is probably the best thing you can give her. Just realize that its best not to have any expectations of her.

Now its up to you to decide what you want to do.

[Man43]

Sami09 ; Vashti ;Ellyn

Ellyn, sorry to hear about ur mom, I lost my dad to melanoma which went into his spine and lungs 24 Jan, so my thoughts are with you.

Thank you ladies! You are absolutely correct! And yip, my timing has always stunk.
Guess I'm just a little selfish, but I'm working on it.
I tend to be very passionate when something/someone is important to me.
I will stick with her as long as she wants me, wish there was more I could do though.

I still text her every night just to ask how things are and tell her I love her.
Now I guess patience is my best friend.

Thanks for the advice!

[daiza]

very good advices indeed!

[Man43]

Hey there girls/guys.

Just wanted to keep you up to date. My gf's sons cancer has spread into his spleen and liver. He is currently receiving radiation and chemo, so the fight continues.
Our relationship on the other hand seems to be over. 2 Days ago she text me the friends speech.

Basically I backed off to give her some pace while dealing with her sons cancer. I still helped her where possible, and text her to let her know that I'm there for her and I love her. Things seemed to get better and then 5 days of no answer followed by "the speech".

I'm willing to try the friendship thing and I still want to be there for her.
Sadly you can't just flip a switch and stop loving someone.
Any suggestions are welcome, but right now I'm feeling incredibly hopeless.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, honey, it is kind of hopeless. She just doesn't have anything for you right now, and probably not for a long time.

Write her a letter saying that you will ALWAYS be there for her when she needs you and that you'll leave her alone until she does.

Then stick to it. Really. You can't demand one second of her time while this is happening in her life. Myabe she'll come back. Maybe she won't. Just don't force her to cut you off.

[Man43]

Gigabitch, thanks!

You are wise beyond my years.
I am going to write the letter as soon as I log off and then not a second, guess if we're meant to be then she'll come back someday, at least now I have more free time to program. Yippee
It helps to have someone who listens, again thx!