Am I getting Played?

[mdhurt2]

Long....please read tho

I have just gotten back into the dating scene after a two year relationship that I had been in since high school so I have never experienced real adult dating only "okay so you wanna go out with me" stuff...

Okay so about 2 months ago I got back in touch with an old high school friend through myspace.com. In high school this guy friend had liked me but he was overweight and being a shallow teenager, I never gave him a chance. He's lost all the excess weight and now looks extremely hot!

When he first messaged me on myspace and said he thought I was hot and wanted to hang I had reservations because of my recent heart break and I flat-out told him I wasn't looking for casual sex and I didn't want to get mixed up with a player. he messaged me back and these are his exact words...

"im not a player but i do want to meet girls and talk to them and go out a couple times to see if we click but , im not gonna secure my self already im 21 yrs old and got alot to look forward to then just settle down and be whooped for the rest of my life im still young." (If it matters, it says "serious relationships, dating, friendship" under what's he's on myspace.com for on his profile)


For the past 3 weeks we have hung out 4 times, and in that time it went from just hanging at my house just talking, to cuddling watching a movie, to hanging at his house and meeting all his friends, to what happened last night, which was we ended up making out at my house for an hour!

But I don't know how to interptet his actions compared to what he said in the beginning. I mean it's not just that we made out (and he didn't pressure for sex at all), but he's bringing me around his friends and being very touchy/protective around them (I.E. Laying his hand on my leg while we are sitting on his couch, giving me a hug when I leave) he's going to hang out with me when his best friend is wanting to hang with him (in fact he didn't even wanna go where we went, but he did anyways cause I wanted to go), he's saying "Call me tommorrow" every day, and the thing that really threw me off is that he actually kissed me goodbye last night in front of his best friend. Call me dumb, but I thought when you had a random hook-up at like a party or just a random one-night stand type thing and you didn't want to take it serious you didn't kiss them goodbye like you would with someone your in a relationship with.

I guess what I am really getting at is...I'm clueless when it comes to being played and I really really really don't want to be played. What do you think by what I've said does it sound like a player? and what do you think about what I should do to find out his true initions without scaring him away?

Thanks, Megan

[vashti]

If you don't sleep with him, and he still wants to see you, he isn't "playing" you, IMO. He may or may not be interested in a serious relationship (it is too soon for that anyway if you have only had 4 dates), and he may not have a clear cut idea of what he wants right now.

What are you trying to protect yourself from? Because this sounds like normal dating stuff to me... I think you should just go with the flow for a while.

[maquekatso]

i agree with vashti. I think you should relax, enjoy it and see what happens.

[Ellynn]

When he told you he didn't want to be tied down at 21 and wanted to actually see what was out there and how well he clicked with girls, that was before you guys actually hung out. I don't think he was looking to play someone, but rather not to rush into anything and just get to know the girl first. He is getting to know you. As long as you take it slow and don't rush into the sack right away, I think things will be fine. I also think he is developing feelings for you. This explains the kiss, the introducing you to his friends, and the insistance that you "call im tomorrow." I would take this as a good sign. Especially if this is what your looking for as well...

Just go with the flow, take things slow, and see what happens. There are no guarantees about anything, but as Vashti suggested, if he sticks around you even if there is no sex, then it means he isn't playing you and is possibly a good guy.

[King Zarathu]

He never even said anything remotely close to playing, and you're just creating more bullshit in your mind than is necessary. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

[just maibe]

I know what you mean. My first real "adult relationship" was kind of like that. We started out just hanging out after we had both estabished that we weren't really looking for anything serious. After a month of hanging out, and the touching + kissing + cuddling we were together. Just relax. Let things happen as they will.

[Venacava]

I agree with what everyone else has said. I don't think he's a player, let go of what he said beforehand, I think he was just expressing himself and it was just part of conversation, things change when you meet people and become interested in them anyway. Doesn't sound like a player to me.

[soul_singer]

Hey Megan... You know what, if you really want to know the answer to that, you gotta look inside him, and not just what's happening...

you say he was overweight and shallow before and you never gave him a chance? well, you know what..maybe he is still somehow tangled up with how he was in high school, even if that was years ago...

maybe sub-conciously, he feels that he is never good enough because he was shallow and overweight before, that's why he needs affirmation that he is now good-looking by trying to go out with other women. That's probably why he said that. he's trying to give you a silent message, that 'this is what I am now', as some sort of affirmation to himself.

Yes, he is not, definitely not playing with you, I even feel that he is open for the possibility that he might eventually develop real feelings for you...but he might be scared at the same time that you'll leave him that's why he still keeps a part of himself intact and not completely sharing himself with you...

I suggest you observe, and you ask yourself...I'm sure you'll find the answer...and you know what don't be too scared...love is all about taking chances..

[Gigabitch]

Just go slow. One way to be sure he's really into you is to wait.

[Sami09]

from what you said he seen real and from the talk before you ever when out. He said he wants someone to connect with and it seen to be you. he introduce you to his friends that a big thing he wants you as his girl and the fact he kiss you in front off his friend and said i will talk to you tommorow. its really looking good for you he totally want to be with you.

[Gigabitch]

OK, I've been thinking some more about this. Megan, you need references for him. You need to ask around about his rep, because to my player-suspicious mind he sounds suspect.

Yes, he's telling you everything you want to hear. That's why I am concerned.

I got played badly last year, and I don't want it to happen to you. If you're worried about this, it's probably for a good reason. Intuition is right on sometimes.