In Love but married

[2bloved]

Hello everyone. Here is the deal, at 21 I met my true love, he had just ended a bad relationship, but pursued me anyway. The relationship ended abruptly after an arguement. I was devistated. He never told me why. It's been six years and we have since kept in touch casually. I never stopped loving him, but my mother taught me "if a man want's to be with you, he will". So I stoped pursueing him. I met another man, got married and had children. Just recently however, the ex has proclaimed he is still in love with me. i have not cheated on my husband, but honestly I have never loved my husband the way I love this man. I just moved on with life. My ex says he was young and dumb. What should my next step be?
I'm really confused.

[King Zarathu]

First of all, you're an idiot.

Did you ever stop to think--



You listened to your mom's advice without even considering it, which was a huge mistake on your part. Now, you have a husband's heart to worry about as well as your children's hearts! That's ****ed up, and I feel bad for your children. Hopefully they'll end up like I did.

Now, you're paying the price. Your next step is telling your husband and seeing what he thinks.

[Cybog]

To have and to hold from this day forward

For better or for worse

For richer, for poorer

In sickness and in health

To love and to cherish

From this day forward until death do us part.

Hmm, I don't see the clause "Until an ex-fling who you have been pining over for the past 6 years while lying to yourself, your family, your husband and your children comes waltzing back into your life."

You were the rebound, and you were too young in the first place. 21 and "In Love"? You are 27-28 and you STILL DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.

You have already shown us your level of seriousness, maturity, and commitment to any man up to this point, and shown us that your word means nothing.

Do you really think you know what you want out of life?

We don't.

[maquekatso]

first of all:"if a man want's to be with you, he will"........ha?what?

second:I think you should start thinking why you Married your man and why you had those children with him.I mean you do love him right?...

And why it took the other guy six years to tell you he still loves you?
And if he still loves you why does he want to ruin your marriage like this? Very mature of him dont you think?

[Venacava]

I can slightly understand your predicament.
However, is this guy worth losing everything you've built? It ultimately depends on what you're prepared to risk and lose.

[vashti]

Actually, I agree with your mother's early advice. The old boyfriend couldn't decide if he wanted you at the time (nor should he have been asked to, considering your age) and you, in your desperation to connect with someone else, moved on and got yourself married at a time when you SHOULD have been working on growing up.

I think your ex boyfriend is simply romanticizing your past because of whatever crap he went through in his last relationship. You are romanticizing the past because having a husband and kids is a lot of responsibility that perhaps you weren't ready for. Unfortunately, "you can never go home again", meaning you guys will not be able to pick things up where you left them. You have too many responsibilities now to begin looking backwards.

To ruin your marriage - to whom I assume is a decent guy since you did not attempt to make him look bad - would be an extremely irresponsible and selfish act for a mother to take. Your choices do not affect only YOU, anymore; they affect the way your children will develop as people. If their dad is a decent guy, it is WRONG to separate them.

Anyway, I am sure the ex=boyfriend will look less impressive within a year or two, anyway. In the end, barring extreme behaviors, most men look fairly similar anyway.

[King Zarathu]

Actually, I agree with your mother's early advice.

Heh, big surprise.

[thinker]

Zarathu, may I say you are a true genius. I loved the first post

I agree with anyone else who electronically smacks you in the face for even thinking about this enough to go to an online forum to post about it. Honestly... don't even get me started.

Please don't take our angry rants the wrong way; what you need right now is a hot branding iron to the ass, so to speak. You are desparately holding on to such weak, old, and loose threads of life; mother says... oh, I never really loved my husband like that... SMACK! I know it hurts and must be hard to take, but you are really, honestly, and objectively being an idiot. Don't mean to rub that point in, but sounds like you really have no idea, so we are telling you. You are being one.

I agree that you should completely COMPLETELY cut this ex out of your life; no phone calls, meetings, text messages, online contact, morse code, telegrams, ANYTHING between the two of you for the foreseeable future. You should also immediately tell your husband; he is YOUR HUSBAND and deserves to know. If you honestly take this any further you would be qualified as sub-human and deserve to be chased and beaten with blunt metal objects. Please, there is no choice here. You have a life; and CAN and MUST learn to love your HUSBAND. You need to COMPLETELY get this other guy out. Think about it this way; do you really "LOVE" someone (the ex) who is willing to have YOU cheat to be with HIM? What do you think he is going to turn around and do once you have lost everything in your life, hmm? If HE was mature enough for you to even CONSIDER (which would be wrong anyways since you are MARRIED) he would NEVER have approached you however he did and said what he did, knowing what he knows... anyways; point is Cut him out. Tell your loveing husband. Stop being an idiot. Thank you.

EDIT: Zara, it won't let me give you rep but consider it done. Loved the png image

[Gigabitch]

He had plenty of time to show his love before, when he was being young & dumb. IMO, he's now being older & dumb. Ask yourself what kind of guy goes after someone else's wife.

I had a situation a bit like this, where I stayed in contact with an ex I still had feelings for, but the major difference was that he would NEVER have said anything inappropriate, like confessions of lingering feelings, while I was still married. I can't even measure how much I appreciate that respect.

I think your ex is ethically challenged. Are you?

[King Zarathu]

Zarathu, may I say you are a true genius. I loved the first post

That's right. I rule.

[Outwitted]

You are very disrespectful and unloyal to your husband. Why do you cheat and lie to your husband if you don't love him? You and your ex are immature; think of only your own pleasure, maybe you two are right to be together.

Don't you value your self? Your husband? Your children? Your life? Are you willing to throw that all away for your own sinful short pleasure? You need to love yourself first before you can love anyone else.