Need Advice ... I have 2 choices

[LynnD]

I have been friends with this guy at work for over 5 years. About 6 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. This guy at work and I began to get a lot closer, talking about more personal subjects, hanging out at work more often and flirting a lot. After a few months, I told him that I liked being with him and that maybe we had more than a friendship and I would like to pursue it. He was interested but then I became somewhat needy and I think I scared him a bit because he then told me he thought we shouldn't date because of work. Since work was the only place we saw each other, it was too much for him to focus on me and work and he is just a very slow mover so I think it overwhelmed him
I told him that I realized that I was being too demanding and that I was just very emotional at the time and would no longer act that way and I didn't. I told him that I just wanted to get to know each other better and spend more time together and see how it went. I explained that I wasn't expected a full blown relationship and that he had to give 24-7. So, he never said that he wanted to date and although we didn't do things outside of work, he began talking more about his family and his feelings, telling me things that he liked, and just acting very close to me and very flirty.
I assumed that he was going along with the getting to know each other better but he doesn't seem to want to make any further moves like getting together outside of work or contacting each other outside of work. His job is much more demanding than mine so I usually initate contact with him first - calling, emailing or going to visit him in his office. When I do this, he is very open to me and will contact me back but he doesn't usually initate the first contact.
I'm not sure what to think at this point and not knowing is driving me crazy. I have two options and I'd like some opinions. I can stop all contact with him and if he doesn't initate any contact, assume that he is not interested in pursuing anything and just let it go or just ask him point blank what he is thinking and if he wants more than a friendship?
My concern about stopping all contact with him is that he may think I am just mad at him for some reason or that maybe I am interested or dating someone else and I don't want him to get that impression. It's not my usual not to contact him so I know he would think something was up. Although, I guess it may push him to contact me and ask me what is wrong.
My concern about just asking him is that I may further be pushing the issue again and it may scare him off even more because I want to talk about feelings AGAIN and I don't want to do that. I really like him a lot and I care about him but being around him and not knowing what he wants to do is just killing me. If he doesn't really want a relationship, for my own sanity I need to distance myself from him, at least for a while.
What do you think is the best option????

[lemonade69]

option 1- a guy who is interested will NOT let you do all the work

[Danny_B]

I say don't contact him and wait for him to contact you.

I'm sure he will.

It seems that it's formed into a routine where you are always contacting him... but that's no good and that routine needs to be broken. Any kind of good relationship, be it friends or more than, needs effort from both halves. He needs to realise that he has to act, even if it is as little as making arrangements to meet up, otherwise he won't hear from you... if he doesn't contact you, well, it would seem that's your call to forget about him, as anything more than a friend anyway, and move on.

If or when he phones asking why you haven't made contact just say you've been busy, avoid any conversation about feelings... at this stage anyway...

Hopefully not hearing from you will make him stop and think about what he sees in you, and that'll either be in your favour or not... but either way it'll give you some idea in how to tackle the next 'stage'...

[tornado]

i assume that he have to do somthing...
since u interested in him and as u said u always did the accosting
if such relation have any chance to raise up ,ur guy have to do the next step and to expose his emotions toward u
also have to check out his feeling toward u...
do it and don't hesitate ...

best regards

[IceQueen]

He's not interested. If you don't want to break off all contact, start gradually contacting him less and less. Aim for a month. After a month, there has to be no contact.

[LynnD]

Well - he was interested because he told me. He told me that since we meant over 5 years ago, he was attracted to me and had a crush on me all that time. He said he didn't think we would ever have a chance to get together because I was involved with someone else for many years. He also said he cared a great deal for me so I know he was interested. I just think I scared him because of my actions and I know that now (didn't realize it at the time). He is very shy and cautious. He hasn't dated anyone since I've known him, he's only 29 and very inexperienced. I think I was persistent because I thought he didn't know what to do or how to act and I was trying to move him along. Obviously, that wasn't the best way to handle the situation. So, I now know that he had interest and so do I but I've scared him. I think if I was on the other side and the guy told me that he realizes that he was being too persistent, if I truly liked him, I would give him another chance if he showed that he was able to take it slowly and let things happen.

[IceQueen]

If you feel that his lack of initiative comes from his shyness, and not from his not being attracted to you, I suggest that you talk to him openly that it bothers you that you're the only one that has to do all the legwork. Say that from now on you will not contact him AT ALL, but wait for him to contact you. If he starts contacting you after that, he is interested, if not -- not.

[Gnome]

Originally posted by IceQueen
He's not interested. If you don't want to break off all contact, start gradually contacting him less and less. Aim for a month. After a month, there has to be no contact.

id have to agree with icequeen on that one. If you want to find out if the guy is interested then start disabling the contact, if he has any interest in you he will start contacting you instead. because you seem to be the first one to make contact all the time then it would make him believe that you will always make the first move.

Slowly cut off the contact still be friendly to him, if you start talking to him in the office try and cut it short and by doing this a couple of times it will arouse the guys interest. Play it like he is back to being a friend and i assure you that it will lead to 2 outcomes:
1) he will not contact you back
2) he will take a renewed interest in you and contact you instead.