help with girl/friend

[derm]

Nah Im 23 and shes 20. I think the reason I feel this way is because I could maybe see myself with her for the long haul, I mean if thats in the cards. We just get along like best friends in a way but at the same time I know shes attracted to me and me to her. She respects me as she says theres not many men out there like me and compares me to her father. She says she enjoys all the time we spend together and I am just sitting stone faced not wanting to jump into anything because Id rather something build up over time even more so than it has, and I thnk that would be even more incredible than just jumpin into something. I dont know tho, I will be going away to school for two years next summer in Boston away from our home in Long Island, she is at school during the year but over the summer shes around and at christmas time she will be again. Im tempted to find out something from our mutual friends but Im wondering if it would even be right to do something like that.

PS
I dont know about all this friend zone crap...I know many people that have started out as friends and have had great relationships, and being in the friend zone is nonsense also as far as Im concerned. The friend zone is someplace where you get put if the girl never had any romantic interest in you to begin with. Theres nothing to say that someone who a girl does have romantic interest cant be her friend also, I see it all the time every day, girls being friends with guys who they have a thing for, theres many degrees of friendship and what I have with this girl is something special, a great friendship, but that doesnt in any way mean that she doesnt have interest in me romantically because of the fact that we are friends. I think thats total nonsense and something frustrated people say.

Well the basis of any good romantic relationship is friendship!. The best marriages are based on a solid friendship.

If she compared you to he dad well then you can't do any wrong, every girl want's a man like her dad [provided she adores her dad]

I think it may be easier for girls to be friends with guys they fancy but from my own personal experience it's harder for a guy to just be friends with a girl he fancies. It could just be me!

Starting out as friends and ending up as lovers is fine but the opposite way around is a real bad idea in my view

[Gigabitch]

Theres nothing to say that someone who a girl does have romantic interest cant be her friend also, I see it all the time every day, girls being friends with guys who they have a thing for, theres many degrees of friendship and what I have with this girl is something special, a great friendship, but that doesnt in any way mean that she doesnt have interest in me romantically because of the fact that we are friends. I think thats total nonsense and something frustrated people say.

That's not friendship. It just isn't. We need to come up with some other word to define this, because calling someone you have romantic interest in is misleading when you can apply the same term to someone who will never, ever have a chance.

[intrepido]

Well the basis of any good romantic relationship is friendship!. The best marriages are based on a solid friendship.

If she compared you to he dad well then you can't do any wrong, every girl want's a man like her dad [provided she adores her dad]

I think it may be easier for girls to be friends with guys they fancy but from my own personal experience it's harder for a guy to just be friends with a girl he fancies. It could just be me!

Starting out as friends and ending up as lovers is fine but the opposite way around is a real bad idea in my view

Yea, thats what I was getting at with the friendship thing. She always tells me how we talk about things and have fun in ways that no one else would think is funny or fun, and shes right, I know that but its real good to hear her say that without any prodding from me, she just seems to say whatevers on my mind all the time, whatever im thinking.

She tells me that she wishes so much that she was closer with her dad. Ive never met him but she tells me taht I remind her of him both physically and character wise. Shes also told me that Im her hero, in a joking fashion sorta but also somewhat sincerely what with the way she looks at me and says it. Shes also told me that she wants to be like me, that Im good at everything "awesome at life" and all taht jazz. Her friends also like me and she just treats me with an understanding and caring side that no one really does. Shes a little young tho, so when I first met her I told myself that I would wait for her to have her experiences and grow up a little. That noble waiting notion is proving a little bit harder than planned but no big deal, shes def worth it plus I dont want to sound like Im pulling strings for or on her, we talk every now and again and just have the best conversations like we always did but even better as time goes on.

Ive never dated a girl that Ive been friends with beforehand and Ive also never stayed friends with a girl Ive dated after weve broken up. Ive been intimate with girls who were friends but never ever felt this way about anyone.

Your defintely right about the other way around thing...staying friends with somene youve dated dont work mainly because, in my experience, when the sex isnt there u find that theres not much else u had in common but the sex! Girls Ive dated Ive always found attractive and were able to 'get along' well enough with for a little while.

Anyway, this is turning into a good thread, hope to keep it going by talkin about some of these friend ship/dating issues.

[intrepido]

That's not friendship. It just isn't. We need to come up with some other word to define this, because calling someone you have romantic interest in is misleading when you can apply the same term to someone who will never, ever have a chance.

Well, I see your point but I feel that theres a clear distinction, at least in this case. I find myself moving back and forth in my head with this girl sometimes between her friend and someone who I would like to be with. This is all very new to me, Ive never had romantic interest like this in a friend before. When I first met her I couldnt believe how beautiful she was, to me. Thats a real important distinction with me and her because in a vacuum, there are prettier girls out there, but no one has what she has, physically, for me, let alone personality wise, again for me. (and at least right now for me, who knows what the future will bring).

Theres also another way to see it. I feel very close to her in terms of our personalities and we each make each other feel good, on purpose, we care for one another. There is also physical attraction there, we are both young attractive people and the feeling I have is that I want to be as close to her as possible. There are a lot of motives, desires and goals behind sex and wanting to be as close to a person on every level is a more than valid one and in my case it is how I feel.

Maybe pre-lovers? haha, but there are just different degrees of friendship. Im friends with girls that Im not attracted to but maybe theyre attracted to me, nothing is so clear and dry.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, so maybe she's an 8 on the 1-10 Friends/Lovers scale. How about that?

[intrepido]

Well the basis of any good romantic relationship is friendship!. The best marriages are based on a solid friendship.

If she compared you to he dad well then you can't do any wrong, every girl want's a man like her dad [provided she adores her dad]

I think it may be easier for girls to be friends with guys they fancy but from my own personal experience it's harder for a guy to just be friends with a girl he fancies. It could just be me!

Starting out as friends and ending up as lovers is fine but the opposite way around is a real bad idea in my view

ALSO yea I agree with it being harder to be a friend with a girl I would liek to be with. I dont do it in fact, I either think of them as a pure friend or I try to go for it with them, OR I dont become friends with them at all.

This girl I didnt want to be anything with, It just happened. We were both attracted to each other at the start, unless I totally misinterpreted the tons of signals she gave me, and then I didnt want or try to be her friend I just couldnt stop smiling while I was with her and I knew that it was something I never felt before. I tried to shake it off but everytime she left and came back it would be like the first time I ever saw her.

Girls can be friends with guys they like because I think they are tryin to work their way in there sometimes, and theyre also not thinkin about sex quite as much. For guys it doesnt work as well, and if someone was just tryin to be a girls friend to eventually get with her that is just plain wrong, to me, and Ive seen that go down many times, sleezy downrite sleezy.

[derm]

Intrepedo

From what you've written she's crazy about you! You're crazy about her! Her friends fancy you and if her friends fancy you she'll start to fancy you more. They've been drooling over your photos, even the blurr ones.

Your 6' 5'' even if your face was deformed you have a clear advantage. The girl likes you man!!! But YOU must do something soon. I'm 6'3'' and girls have told me my height has made it a bit intimidating for them to make the move.

You must do something soon before she starts convincing herself you're not interested in her as a GF and ye head into the 'Dreaded Friends Zone'** Worse still some other guy comes along and she falls head over heels in love with him and comes to you for advice.

If you think she is the 'one' and ye may be too young for marriage etc. Dont worry. Go out with her for a while, get to know her. Ye can always break up and have a break from each other until your both older and have been with other partners.

Don't however make excuses for not making a move and live to regret it for ever more






** Copyright of Gigabitch, all rights reserved. Patent pending

[intrepido]

Yea, Ive been retarded, I think because of what being with her would mean. I do plan on talkin to her about all this over the winter, either before or after making some sort of obvious move or kiss.

At first when she would give me seductive eyes and practically walk right into me (which I thought was odd haha) I would also find her looking at me and not even looking away when I saw her right away. I think she was a little intimidated because she would hit me or touch me but do it sort of nervously and inhibited, even though I see her as being very confident for the most part.

When she comes back in a few months I will do something, your advice may have been the kick in the pants I needed! Because, yes I think I have waited long enough where we would be in a very romantic place and not an awkward one driven by attraction and or sex, like it would have been at the beginning if we were to have gotten togeher then. Not to say that immediately starting a relationship with a girl after youve first met is wrong or not as romantic, but for me, and especially because it was her, I preferred to wait and make it something special. I also couldnt believe her, that she was actually real and I was skeptical in a way, thinking that she was to good to be true. I was also afraid of getting involved and then breaking up because it wasnt the right time.

[derm]

You sure are very calculated........remind me of me.

I am always analysing girls and finding faults with them and finding reasons why it wouldn't work or whatever.

But sometimes you find someone who ticks all the boxes and then she lets you down because she was just leading you on or whatever.

I'm trying to change but it's not easy, I'm far too picky where girls are concerned. For example: she has to be tall, slim, blonde sexy AND have a super personality.

You just can't get them custom made to your requirements. you seem to love everything about this girl and vica versa........Go for it!

[intrepido]

You sure are very calculated........remind me of me.

I am always analysing girls and finding faults with them and finding reasons why it wouldn't work or whatever.

But sometimes you find someone who ticks all the boxes and then she lets you down because she was just leading you on or whatever.

I'm trying to change but it's not easy, I'm far too picky where girls are concerned. For example: she has to be tall, slim, blonde sexy AND have a super personality.

You just can't get them custom made to your requirements. you seem to love everything about this girl and vica versa........Go for it!

Yea, I wasnt lookin for anything and when I first met her I remember walking around the office physically shaking my head and thinkin that I was really in for it with this. I tried to forget about it, she went to Greece for two weeks and I sorta forgot about her, but when she came back it was like the first time we met again, and thats how its been everytime I see her practically. I dont so much find faults in a girl, although I do do that too, but Ill think of things thatll make the relationship not work, like distance (had a bad long distance relationship) or age difference because I kno lots of guys take advantage of that and maybe shes had bad experiences, sounds like she has. ALL STUPID NONSENSE. I am in reality a little scared that it wont work out for whatever reason, like wed have a bad break up or something, but I could never do anything to hurt her, Id hurt myself a million times before I hurt her once.

Girls can also be silly sometimes with missing the chance at the very beginning to be with them then they cant find you attractive anymore, but you know what? I think thats as big of a crock as the friend zone talk and a true heart that really cares and loves someone else is able to overcome all the cliches and stereotypes.

Im definitely going to go for it when she comes back, now I just need to forget about her for a little while.

[intrepido]

Okay, so maybe she's an 8 on the 1-10 Friends/Lovers scale. How about that?

That sounds about right, for all intents and purposes.

When were together I do make sure not to do overly friendly things and keep the relationship somewhat steered or based on girl-guy, but its hard to not be her friend when we have so much in common.

What do you mean also by the longer the guy stays in the friend zone the less chance hell have of being with her? I find that a lot of those things are cliches, me and her are more or less letting things build up, as I see it.

Im going to do something abou this situation in the wintertime whether its just talkin to her about things or giving her a kiss so that way ill know something more.

She talks to her friends about me, and they really like me, theyve told me that, so that could be another sign. I dont know though, I just want to know something so thats why I gotta give her a kiss or talk to her openly about things (in a smooth/romantic fashion) during her winter vacation.

What would u say about the signals she has given me, like the looks, way she talks/treats me differently and how she compares me to her father and says theres not many men out there like me? Could she be intimidated or afraid to get involved with me and ruin her perception of guys if something bad happened between us? I mean, if she thinks so much of me, like I really know she does, would it be reasonable to assume that she is afraid of getting her heart broken and her opinion of guys soured? cuz she thinks Im a good guy and if I hurt her then shed be real upset?

Have u been in a situation like this? Thanks!

[intrepido]

Intrepedo

From what you've written she's crazy about you! You're crazy about her! Her friends fancy you and if her friends fancy you she'll start to fancy you more. They've been drooling over your photos, even the blurr ones.

Your 6' 5'' even if your face was deformed you have a clear advantage. The girl likes you man!!! But YOU must do something soon. I'm 6'3'' and girls have told me my height has made it a bit intimidating for them to make the move.

You must do something soon before she starts convincing herself you're not interested in her as a GF and ye head into the 'Dreaded Friends Zone'** Worse still some other guy comes along and she falls head over heels in love with him and comes to you for advice.

If you think she is the 'one' and ye may be too young for marriage etc. Dont worry. Go out with her for a while, get to know her. Ye can always break up and have a break from each other until your both older and have been with other partners.

Don't however make excuses for not making a move and live to regret it for ever more






** Copyright of Gigabitch, all rights reserved. Patent pending

HAHA, Whats this copyright business all about?

[King Zarathu]

Yeah, derm, you're forgetting one thing. Gigabitch belongs to me, and therefore I own her. Thus, you need to make it a copyright of Zarathu.

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, derm, you're forgetting one thing. Gigabitch belongs to me, and therefore I own her. Thus, you need to make it a copyright of Zarathu.

Oh, hush up. You are my bitch and you know it.

As for the thing about being friends and eventually getting stuck there, I think for most people, it's true. She seems to be keeping the door open for you, though. I think she's just waiting for you to be ready. You sound really careful- I think that's a good thing. Maybe she does, too.

[King Zarathu]

Oh, hush up. You are my bitch and you know it.

Don't make me pull out the whip.