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Thread: Good days and bad days...

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    Good days and bad days...

    Today's a bad day.

    Luckily, I think I'm at the anger stage of the grieving process. I've accepted the fact that it's over, and that she left because of immaturity...and the relationship actually sucked to begin with.

    But now, I'm dealing with the fact that I was treated fairly poorly, and I want those years back. How do you get over this?

    In other news--I did have to e-mail her. She has a bunch of my grandmother's stuff my parents gave her and she promised to return. She hasn't, and I don't want to be waiting months--and with her, that's quite possible. I want every loose end tied so I can move on with my life.

    Also, I made a HUGE mistake this weekend. I went out with a bunch of friends, we all got pretty non-sober, and I ended up making out with a girl in the group. Ugh. So now, I have that situation on top of everything else.

    I'm starting to look at this with some hope, though. This very well may be the toughest thing I ever have to deal with in my life. If this is the worst I ever have to go through, this could be a great learning experience, and I may be able to look back at it and laugh.

    Right now, I feel like crap. Hopefully, someday, *someone* will jump in that well for me.

    Until then, I'm going to kick some ass on my own. I applied to 15 jobs today for after I graduate. My goal is 500 by December.


    Yes, this is rambling...but it's better here than in my real life. Thanks for listening...and advice is always appreciated.

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    i got no advice for you man, except to that Hang in there buddy. You are on the right track, and there is only one way to go and thats up.
    ..the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best ..

    -- Henry Van Dyke

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathias View Post

    But now, I'm dealing with the fact that I was treated fairly poorly, and I want those years back. How do you get over this?.
    In my experience, the way you get over this is by recognizing that you made a *choice* to tolerate whatever went on. Once you recopgnize your own participation in the matter, you will be able to see that you can *choose* to handle similar situations differently in the future.

    Lots of people get stuck in the mode of "they did this to me, and I am mad". It is the stance of a total victim, and that makes one feel powerless. You are not powerless. Embrace your power!
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    Quote Originally Posted by vashti View Post
    In my experience, the way you get over this is by recognizing that you made a *choice* to tolerate whatever went on. Once you recopgnize your own participation in the matter, you will be able to see that you can *choose* to handle similar situations differently in the future.

    Lots of people get stuck in the mode of "they did this to me, and I am mad". It is the stance of a total victim, and that makes one feel powerless. You are not powerless. Embrace your power!
    Yep, that's part of the problem right now. I've always been decisive and powerful in every aspect of my life but this one. I got a lot better (we had long fights about this all the time), but I never realized I should've been out of it.

    I wonder why that is.

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    It's a process. Don't judge yourself for anything you did or didn't do before. That's pointless. Just keep moving in the right direction. Some days you'll go an inch. Some days a mile.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathias View Post
    Yep, that's part of the problem right now. I've always been decisive and powerful in every aspect of my life but this one. I got a lot better (we had long fights about this all the time), but I never realized I should've been out of it.

    I wonder why that is.
    I think it is all a learning process, and I think a lot of people wouldn't fully comprehend my original statement until they are really ready to hear it.

    You'll do better next time.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    Quote Originally Posted by vashti View Post
    I think it is all a learning process, and I think a lot of people wouldn't fully comprehend my original statement until they are really ready to hear it.

    You'll do better next time.
    Oh, I'm ready to hear it. I'm not fighting you.

    Actually, when I'm out, I feel free. I'm sitting at a coffee shop, by myself, typing on my computer, and I feel great. It's only when I go home at night that I sit and dwell and become a little sad.

    I actually made a few friends here today. That's pretty damn cool, and something I *never* would've done 2 weeks ago.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathias View Post
    I actually made a few friends here today. That's pretty damn cool, and something I *never* would've done 2 weeks ago.
    That alone shows progress is being made. But with anything complex like this it is best to take it in baby steps. As far as getting the stuff back from your ex, call her (if you can and if you do be firm), and tell her that you want the stuff back and if she doesn't give it back or doesnt want to then bring her into small claims court and make the courts force her to give you the stuff back. Becuase once you get your stuff back you can get rid of her for good.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jurupa View Post
    That alone shows progress is being made. But with anything complex like this it is best to take it in baby steps. As far as getting the stuff back from your ex, call her (if you can and if you do be firm), and tell her that you want the stuff back and if she doesn't give it back or doesnt want to then bring her into small claims court and make the courts force her to give you the stuff back. Becuase once you get your stuff back you can get rid of her for good.
    She returned the e-mail and said she would. It's weird, because she's bitchy about it...after I bowed out with such class.

    Seriously, did you guys see the episode of "The Class" where Ethan's girl breaks up with him, and returns his stuff in a trash bag with a bitchy attitude?

    This feels the same way. And, I feel like Ethan does. This would be SO much harder if she was nice about ANY of this. She's actually making it a lot easier by pulling this crap. I appreciate it, in a sick, twisted way.

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    And now, she's acting bitchy again. Seriously, THIS is why I like clean breaks so much better.

    At what point do I stop caring about the sentimental stuff she still has and just get on with things in my own life?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathias View Post
    And now, she's acting bitchy again. Seriously, THIS is why I like clean breaks so much better.

    At what point do I stop caring about the sentimental stuff she still has and just get on with things in my own life?

    You just let that shit go is all. You'll stop caring about it when you realize it's all covered with her cooties anyway. Why would you want it? Bleah.

    Aren't you glad you're not with someone who is so bitchy?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gigabitch View Post
    You just let that shit go is all. You'll stop caring about it when you realize it's all covered with her cooties anyway. Why would you want it? Bleah.

    Aren't you glad you're not with someone who is so bitchy?
    1. It's my dead grandmother's heirlooms. That's the biggest problem. Hopefully, she becomes a good person for at least 5 minutes and sends at least those back.

    2. OH MY GOD YES. Seriously. As hurt and upset as I am, Giga, and as much as this has scarred me, I know deep, deep down that this is the best thing that could've happened to me.

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    If you understand that this was wrong, then cease to think of her for even a moment. Thoughts of her has brought nothing but stress and heartache. Unless, you have lingering doubts in your head that this was right.

    Borealis
    Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Borealis View Post
    If you understand that this was wrong, then cease to think of her for even a moment. Thoughts of her has brought nothing but stress and heartache. Unless, you have lingering doubts in your head that this was right.

    Borealis
    Oh, I have no doubts that this was just screwed up. I would never want to be with her again. It doesn't remove the thoughts.

    Actually, for 99% of the day, I'm really fine. The only time I'm not is when I first wake up. I'm in agony for about 10 minutes...then I come out of it.

    Other than that, I think about it, and I'm sad--but nothing like those first ten minutes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mathias View Post
    Oh, I have no doubts that this was just screwed up. I would never want to be with her again. It doesn't remove the thoughts.

    Actually, for 99% of the day, I'm really fine. The only time I'm not is when I first wake up. I'm in agony for about 10 minutes...then I come out of it.

    Other than that, I think about it, and I'm sad--but nothing like those first ten minutes.
    OMG- I remember that. Wow, I used to wake up crying every day. I had totally forgotten what that feels like. After a while, it just became part of my routine. I made sure not to wash my face in the morning first thing, because I would just have to do it again in 20 minutes.

    Eventually, it went away. I think I had to physically process that man out of my system like a poison. It took about six months. It still hurts, but he's not physically affecting me any more- just emotional residue.

    Aww, Mathias. It sucks. You're doing this so gracefully, though.

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