I envy my boyfriend like hell

[toomuchenvy]

To get it straight, envy is my biggest weakness, and I can never stand being with anyone that is better than I am (in whatever way: intelligence, appearance, accomplishments, etc.) Whenever I come across someone whom I perceive is a better individual than me, I'll run away from him/her as far as possible, otherwise the envious fire at my heart would burn me to death. Paradoxically, I fell in love with a guy whom I perceive is smarter and more accomplished than I am. He loves me too (or even more than I do him). But part of me doesn't seem to be able to carry on this relationship anymore, because I can't stand the fact that I'm inferior than my boyfriend in some areas. I usually date someone that is equal to me or slightly dumber than me so that I can feel I'm in control. My boyfriend's intellectual superiority makes me insecure and vulnerable. I shiver whenever seeing his grandiose accomplishments. I remember someone said, "envy's true nature is the will to completely destroy the envied"—do I want to destroy my boyfriend then? Well, yes, I do RESENT him for having talents that I don't have. Yet at the same time I'm in love with him. Yes, I love AND hate him simultaneously! Such feeling is too much to handle. Ugh. I don't think I can leave him, because he loves me so deeply that I'm afraid he'd have a huge breakdown if I went away—that'd be too selfish of me. If I could get rid of my envy, everything would be fine. But how can I do it? This bad trait of mine is so ingrained in me. I always uncontrollably compare myself with others. I can't help it. So I am seeking advice from you guys. Please don't say, "everyone has his/her talents and defects. You are equal to your boyfriend because you have talents too." Yes, I do have several talents he doesn't have. But from what I perceive, my boyfriend has MORE talents than I do. He is superior to me MORE OFTEN than I am to him. I can't stand this. Meanwhile, I wish I could eradicate my envy and have a wonderful relationship with this guy.

[King Zarathu]

Holy shit! I was the EXACT same way! Not kidding. I was with this bitch and every time she got a higher score on a test or something, I would just pop.

Before I tell you how I ended up fixing it, may I ask if you've had any abuse issues when you were younger? Also, how old are you?

[ACR]

...Then why dont you?

Best thing I can say is to get over it...having an attitude like that wont help you.

[vashti]

This is a matter of maturity, or more accurately, the lack of maturity. Maybe you aren't old enough for boys yet?

(And yeah, I don't care if you are 30.)

[Gigabitch]

Do you know why envy is considered to be a cardinal sin? It's because it poisons your soul.

I suggest some therapy, and I am not at all kidding.

[King Zarathu]

Yeah, therapy was what helped me.

[King Zarathu]

You've been helped?

Oh yeah.

[Drew_Smith]

but he's with you. Is it superficial? perhaps. But he puts up with you even if it is. Part of him cares. You shouldn't be "envious" of others, especially when they care for you despite your misgivings or the golden blessings life bestowed on you.

[The Great OV!!!]

Shouldn't you be happy for him? Maybe there is something else to your fear? like being afraid that he may leave you if he also begins to think that he is better then you?

[misombra]

this thread is old. she probably left him for some dumb, ugly guy with no talent.

i haven't seen this person around the forum. good thing cause i'm far superior to her she would've hated me a lot.

[Zach]

this thread is old. she probably left him for some dumb, ugly guy with no talent.

i haven't seen this person around the forum. good thing cause i'm far superior to her she would've hated me a lot.

Embrace thy Confidence!