Your opinion

[StephensDave60]

Hi there,

I'm actually posting on behalf of someone else. I read a forum recently, about a breakup. It's actually been a few weeks, and I can't sleep ever since I read it. I've been sick to my stomach. I'm 46 years old, and I have two children. Happily married.

At any rate, I read this post about a guy who was dumped in a pretty unadmirable manner, and I just want to get the opinion of some other people so I can sleep.

As I understand it, this man (Ed), was in a pickle of some sort over his 6 year old son, and had to send him to stay with his parents in Florida. At any rate, he was looking to live by himself , save money and bring back his son in a year's time. It wasn't a matter of choice, but a necessity at the time. Apparently his girlfriend, didn't like that idea, and she coerced him into moving with her. She wanted to move to a place that they both contributed towards. He spent like a week discussing it with her and exlained that their civil and financial agreements had to transcend their relationship (in the event of a problem) because his son hung in the balance. I don't see a problem with asking this of someone, especially if your child depends on it. (As I understand it she and the boy had quite the bond and the breakup devastated the little boy too.).

So naturally, they move in together, and I'm sure you can all see where this is going. He didn't deal with being without his son very well. He became depressed, and apparently there was some external harassment from a group of people trying to break them up. So pretty much, at the time he needed her the most... she abandoned him. She broke up with him, and then agreed to think about reconsidering for two weeks. They would sit down and have a talk. Well the day before they were supposed to talk, Ed came home from work to eat lunch, and she was packing. She had never intended to give him the two weeks. She had already forwarded her mail, rented a uhaul... the whole deal. I'm sorry if I'm putting my to cents on top of the facts, but that is one of the most cowardly things I've ever heard of. I hate people who "skip out".

I watched some posts on the other forum... I guess someone told him about it, so he started posting. It's a support forum. The weird thing is, even though the guy was abandoned by a woman claiming to want to marry him just days before she dumps him, and the fact that he stands to lose his son, or even his home because he can't afford the lease...he spends all of his time on that forum helping other people. The more I find out about the crap she told him, the angrier and more upset I get. She told him all sorts of things about him and his son beinga "package deal" in the beginning, among all sorts of other things, and then when it became inconvenient for her to have that perspective, suddenly she changes her mind about it.

All I think about is what happens if one day my wife just up and decides that it's all too much and leaves me? What is stopping her? This lady didn't give that guy so much as a chance. What if my wife just decides that being a housewife sucks, and she leaves me with the kids, or she leaves and takes the kids? I thought about what I would do if I lost one of my children, and it killed me to even imagine it. I can't magine what this poor bastard is going through right now. He lost everything because he happened to fall for a girl who sweet talked him/lied to him in the beginning, and when the going got tough, she packed up and left rather than stuck it out. Apparently she claimed that she was in it " through the good times and the bad". What the hell is wrong with people these days? Doesn't our word mean anything anymore? The part that kills me the most is that he sent his son away thinking he was coming back, and now that all changes. That woman didn't give two poops about his little boy. I suppose that's an opinion, and I really want to stick to the facts so I can remain objective.

Some of the other posts had their personal contact info on it, and i won't do that. To be honest, I'm not even posting this for them. What is done... is done. However, I can't sleep because of it, and I'm just looking for other people's opinions on this.

How would you feel if this was you?

[Tiay]

ick. doesn't sound nice. what more is there to say, really? it happens. And stop worrying that it'll happen to you. Do you have any reason to suspect that your wife would do this to you? if not, quit worrying! Nobody ever knows what's going to happen of course- but it isn't worth loosing sleep over simply because you read that it happened to some guy on the internet.

[StephensDave60]

Hey Aegis..

naturally that's what you would think.... but he didn't post it. It was actually posted by a mutual friend of theirs.

He posted a few replies requesting it to be removed, but that was about it. Then he started posting on the site, but moreso to help out others than to seek any advice or support for himself.

When people ask, he responds, but he sorta stays away from the subject. I think he blames himself, but he has no idea why she left.

I know I shouldn't think about these things, but the way she left him makes me think that nothing really matters, you know? She didn't leave him any indication whatsoever.... at least that's how it was told. She just decided she didn't love him anymore, broke up with him, and left him hanging. I mean, that could happen to any of us.

[vashti]

I don't understand why you are posting about someone you "know" from a forum. Weird, really.

Anyway, your sympathy is for the wrong person. "Ed" is an irrepsonsible idiot. What kind of man sends his kid away and moves in with a girlfriend? If a woman did this, she's be crucified.

[StephensDave60]

I just want to understand better... I suppose. I'm not posting for someone, as much trying to believe this can't happen to me.

As I understand it.... he didn't have a choice as far as sending his child to live elsewhere... but I don't honestly know.

It's hard to pass judgement when you don't know the circumstances I guess. My sister had to send her kids away when she was ill. She moved in with her fiancee at the time. In fact, I was the one who took care of the kids while she got better. She wasn't crucified for it. Personally, if I was unable to take care of my children for any reason, I wouldn't want to send them away, but at the same time I wouldn't make them suffer due to my incapacities.

[vashti]

A parent's place is with their children, unless they are psychologically unfit. Did it occur to you that maybe "Ed" could have (indeed, SHOULD have) gone with his child to stay at his parent's house rather than move in with his girlfriend?

If my sister was too sick to care for her children, I would know she was also too sick to care for herself, and I would have either gone to care for them all, or brought them ALL to my home to be cared for. I can't imagine a circumstance where she would allow them to be separated, and I certainly wouldn't separate myself from my kids.

Unless, of course, you are taking about a bunch of addicts. Are you talking about a bunch of addicts?

[Gigabitch]

It's always a risk to trust another person. We do it because it's worth it. One rotten woman will scar him, but he's not broken. If he gets his priorities straight (see Vashti's post above), he will heal. It's our natural instinct to move toward one another- it only gets messed up if we get really hurt.

I can only imagine what it felt like for his son when he was told he's be sent away for a year. I think Ed is suffering some kind of emotional disconnect, or neither of these things would have happened. His powers of discernment failed him on both counts.

Maybe next time he'll be more careful with his heart, and his son's heart as well.

[Borealis]

Concerning about the future is natural. However, if nothing in your relationship indicates failure of some sort then you should not worry about it. Ed's particular situation is extremely different from yours because not every tangible detail is made openly available for you to compare with your own life and make a fair conclusion. Regardless, it is not about whether this or that happens within our lives, it is about how we face with and make resolve. You wife could up and leave you, but understand that anything could be possible. While you preoccupy your mind with the ambiguities you will ultimately miss out on loving your own wife and children, also making life a lot more stressful for yourself.

Borealis

[vashti]

Am I the only person who suspects "Ed" and this poster are the same guy?

[Gigabitch]

Maybe we should call him "Edulachic"

[vashti]

It might well be fitting.

[Borealis]

It is very confusing and unusual as to why a person would want to inquiry this much information on a subject that does not concern himself. There are questions of curiosity but they never go to these lengths which makes me suspect that Ed and this poster is one in the same as well.

Borealis

[StephensDave60]

Ok, I think the point of my post has COMPLETELY been misconstrued... so let me try again.

I'm not looking for opinions on the specific situation. I'm looking for opinions on the gist of it. I typed the post because I thought it gave background to my question.

If you are in a relationship, what is to say it can't just end abruptly?

I'm a nosy person I suppose. Hasn't anyone ever read something or watched something and have it effect them in some way?

I've been happily married for almost 20 years. Maybe I take that marriage for granted. Hell, I can't remember the last time I did anything special for my wife. We don't fight, and I'm very happy with her. I guess seeing the post sort of.... opened me up inside.

At the drop of a hat, people change their mind all the time about small things. We've all gone to a restaurant and thought about getting the chicken until the waitress shows up and POOF, we get the steak. Well, what is to say love is no different.

To be honest, I guess I've answered my own question....

Nothing in life is certain. Tomorrow morning I could wake up, and my wife could look me in the eye and tell me she doesn't love me anymore, for no reason whatsoever. And I guess the realization that no matter how unlikely that is, that the possibility would devastate me.

How do we cope with that?

[vashti]

many of the people reading this thread simply don't feel what you're currently feeling.

I don't know about that. I think most people realize relatively early that life doesn't come with any guarantees, and in the end, we ARE all alone. That IS the human condition. Therefore, it is best to make good choices so as to endear yourself to others rather than to alienate (such as "Ed" did)...

[StephensDave60]

I agree Aegis. Sometimes it's difficult to get a deep discussion about things. It's not so much that I lost faith in her, I guess after a time I suppose that I just sort of... took things for granted, if that makes any bit of sense. When you first get into a relationship, you are aware of the risks, but living with someone for 20 years you sort of forget about the risks.

Then when you see someone else's misfortune it reminds you. I suppose the reality of being reminded of it was somewhat of a shock to the system. I tend to be a worrier sometimes.

I was just wondering if anyone out there thought about stuff like this.

Vashti.... no offense but, you make me wish I approached this a completely different way. How do you know that this person "alienated"? I'm not trying to jump to his defense, but the fact is you know less about it than I do. What is the point of being on a thread if you are just going to lash out at someone?