So love doesn't exist

[Varulfr]

Seriously though, it doesn't. Not in the slightest. Lust, sure, but love? Nope. Depressing to think about, yeah, but true.

Everything I have observed thus far in life points to this being the case; love simply does not exist in any true form. There is no such thing as that "God I wish he/she was here..." love. There is only "God I wish anybody of the opposite sex who is appealing was here,,,"

My mother and father have been married for some 30+ years, and yet all my mother ever talks about is how she wonders what it would have been like had she married someone else. Then she tells me about how she was dating multiple guys while her boyfriend of 2 years was off working in Hawaii for a month. That is both disgustingly immoral and downright infuriating. And before you start at me, guys that sleep around are just as depraved as women who do. Point being, here I thought my parents were these noble and rightious, upstanding people all this damn time and I have begun to find some disturbing !@#$ in their past that, quite frankly, freaks me the hell out. You will, of course, understand if I refuse to reveal such things on the internet. Suffice to say it's entirely the opposite of the image they have constructed during and after my birth.

More to the point (please excuse me if I ramble around a bit) my parents can stand each other, enjoy each other's presence, and are capable of living together. Does that mean they love each other? No. I have exactly those same conditions with my roommate. Does that mean I love my roommate? Hardly. So what does "Love" entail? Dying for someone? I would die for my friends. Sexual gratification proves a relationship of "love"? Well teenagers of this day and age have gone a long way to prove THAT'S not true... So what? What is love?


This is exactly what hit me like a brick a while back. I've been in a few relationships and i've been witness to MANY, many more among my peers. One of my life hobbies is observing people, and I have observed a GREAT MANY THINGS. What have I observed? Well, in every case there was a breakup not caused by someone acting like an ass (cheating, etc.) it was ALWAYS because of "Well, I thought I was in love... but I really wasn't." EVERY TIME, without fail, this was the "issue" that caused the breakup at its root. And thus did I realize that these people were never in love with each other, they were in love with the idea of being in love!

We've grown so attached to this idea that love actually exists, that life isn't just a play of hormones on our bodies, that there is "someone" out there for everyone. Well, GUESS WHAT, there isn't! It's all reduced to god damned science! The reason you like that guy is because he can provide for you and has physical features that your hormones are telling you would allow for excellent children! THAT'S IT DAMNIT! You replace that same guy with one who acts nearly the same and you'll "feel" the same damn way about him, I assure it.

I was recently talking with one of my exes and the conversation came to how we broke up.

"Love," I say, "Is a grand and glorious thing. Love pushes you to do things you would never do, love makes you live, love fills you with happiness you cannot imagine!"

"Love?" says she. "I don't get it. What makes you love someone? What's the difference from having a boyfriend and hanging out with someone. Sex (we're going to assume she also refers to all physical kinds of contact associated with love)? Well, you can have sex without love.... How do you know when you're in love?

"Uh..." I say, "Well... you... you get this feeling, you know? It's so powerful you can't stop it, and it overwhelms you, and you just know."

"You know what?" She says, a smug look on her face, "You just spouted the same metaphorical bull!@#$ that Christians spit at you while discussing "God's Glory" or the "Holy Spirit" or whatever, and I know you hate it when they pull that abstract crap out of their ass. The truth is you don't know, do you?"

Amd suddenly I realized she was right. I have never felt love before. I've been in relationships that have lasted years, I never felt that same "overwhelming feeling" I had attempted to describe.

She's right, she's absolutely right. Love doesn't exist. That mutual "soul connection" does NOT exist. It just doesn't. There is mating, there are primal instincts, and there is nothing more. God it's like thinking about the Matrix and realizing that, no matter how real it looks, it's all just a bunch of numbers and code just beneath the surface...


God how depressing...

There is no point to this thread other than discussion. No flaming, please. I don't need people telling me i'm an idiot because frankly, I don't give a damn what bad opinion you have of me. If you can't have a civilised discussion you're the damned idiot and that knowledge gives me peace.


This is not the picture that was supposed to be painted with the title "Love" above it.

[Mathias]

Aaaaaand we have another person that's confusing love with lust and infatuation.

I'm sorry your parents are screwed up. Mine are too. Don't disparage real feelings because you're pissed about it.

[Varulfr]

So tell me what love is then.


Yeah, my parents are screwed up, but I don't really care. I'll be living in another country in a few months far away from them, they can do whatever the hell they want.

Pissed? Not pissed. Annoyed? Possibly. I made that awesome Matrix analogy earlier, remember? Think about that... suddenly you're pulled out of the world you had thought all along was Truth. How do you react? You're not pissed. You're confused, irritated, and a bit upset with yourself for not figuring it out, you're even relieved to know the truth, but you're certainly not pissed.

[Prodigal]

Well, many times this is the case. Many times people are just in love with the concept of love and this is applied to a certain object [that is, their significant other]. I think that what you are explaining doesn't exist DOES exist, albeit it is rare. So, the concept of love may be applied to a person and thus give the impression that they love the person when all they really love is the concept. Say someone felt that if anyone else felt that way for them, they couldn't 'love' them. Then this whole 'falling in love with the idea of love' thing wouldn't apply. I think that once the idea of love and the person in question are separated and still the person predominates, then maybe they're getting somewhere.

I think everyone feels this way sometimes, that there is no such thing is love. I think a lot of people believe it, too. Whether it does or not, who really knows? Love is a set of feelings, experiences, etc... it's very intangible. It's something that you FEEL. If you stop believing that you can feel it, then chances are much higher that you never WILL feel it. I don't know about you, but I choose to believe in it, although I haven't felt it yet. Maybe I won't ever feel it. And maybe it doesn't exist. But who knows? It could be just waiting around the corner.

[Gigabitch]

I think looking to your parents to show you what love is is a natural thing to do, and you can get very confused if they can't do it.

In my opinion, love is not just an emotion. It's a conceptual art form, a lifestyle, and a choice. It is the act of living as your highest self. As Joni Mitchell sang, it's "touching souls".

I don't think people should dismiss infatuation and lust as being unworthy simply because they're not love, but confusing them is a mistake. Infatuation and lust are fun. Damn, really. Love is not really fun.

Love is what happens when your soul grows toward another person, idea, place, etc. Attachment is a result of love. Inappropriate attachment is the result of a disorder, not because love is bullshit.

I believe in love.

[Sooky]

I'd say love can exist in many forms and is linked with a wide range and mixture of other emotions. Whether or not you believe in a type of love is going to depend on how you define it and on your experiences with love. EG- Some people may have a strong sense of love for family or friends, but have had bad experiences with romantic love and visa versa. So different people will have different views on love and will have different ideas about what it means to them.

For me romantic love can potentially be harmful and I'd warn people to be warey of it. Love isn't always all sunshine and roses. It can turn into a painful and potentially deadly emotion all to quickly. If you take it too seriously love can consume your life and when you lose it, thats when the pain strikes.

Lately in particular I've experienced the more painful side of love and its destructive power. Make no mistake, love can turn evil. It has turned evil before and it will do again. (Just look at Star Wars).

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Ok reading that quote I guess its fear of lost love that actually leads off to the dark side, but to have fear of lost love you must first have love. (Ok I admit this link is pretty shakey here, but my advice still stands)

I'd recommend people try not to take romantic love too seriously. I think its best to try and look for the positives in your life that don't rely on love, particularly romantic love. So far in my case, I 've struggled to follow this advice, but experience just keeps reinforcing this view for me, so I will keep trying to take romantic love with a pinch of salt.

Love is not really fun.

I totally agree with you here.

[Gigabitch]

Give this girl some rep! She quotes Yoda. Awesome.

[Mathias]

For me romantic love can potentially be harmful and I'd warn people to be warey of it. Love isn't always all sunshine and roses. It can turn into a painful and potentially deadly emotion all to quickly. If you take it too seriously love can consume your life and when you lose it, thats when the pain strikes.

Lately in particular I've experienced the more painful side of love and its destructive power. Make no mistake, love can turn evil. It has turned evil before and it will do again. (Just look at Star Wars).

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Marry me.

[Sooky]

Marry me.

Mmm... interesting. So quoting Star Wars turns you on or something?
You know also talk like Yoda I can. Annoy most people it does, but if like it you do, type in Yoda style I will.

[Zach]

Mmm... interesting. So quoting Star Wars turns you on or something?
You know also talk like Yoda I can. Annoy most people it does, but if like it you do, type in Yoda style I will.

ROFL!!! SOOKY YOU ARE SO COOL! I LOVE YOU (hehe)

[im-sad]

Well Im in love who is not sexually appealing to me. I like sexy gals but I wouldnt love them if they didint have her personality. And I wouldnt love her if she were sexy but had a diffrent personality. Its not just lust. Sometimes we love for reasons unknown

[vashti]

I know this thread is kind of old, but I am bumping it anyway. Valufurf - quit bagging on your parents. Of course they don't have the same feelings after 30 years as they did in the beginning, you silly child. You won't either, if you can find someone willing to stay with you for 30 years. That doesn't diminish the relationship they have now. Also, after 30 years, it is NORMAL to wonder what it would have been like to be with someone else.

The only thing abnormal about this situation is that she is discussing it with you. Tell her to save these discussions for her girlfriends.

Get a hold of yourself, child. You sound like the hysterical type.

[CAM]

Love doesn't exist? Ahh, I think it does.

My parents are totally in love which is terrific; but for me I see them in relation to all the dysfunctional relationships that exist around me and I realize that it is a rare thing.

Like I said elsewhere, the first time I dated (and fell in love) with a woman of the same ethnicity as myself...on boy, that was a beautiful thing. We just fit together so well--personality, culture, interests...it was soo amazing.

The U.S. (god love her because I really do) is a wonderful melting pot. Problem is that just because we all like the freedom, equality, heterogeneity of it all...at the same time, we lost something. In this great mix, it is very difficult to cling to any ethnic ties or to find someone who experienced those same ethnic traditions. Maybe it is less of a problem if you are part of the "My relatives arrived on the Mayflower" but for the first or second generation folks, it is difficult...and these days, many of us are either first or second generation.

So back to love...it exists but love is such a deep experience that for some of us, it is much more than physical or even a surface-level emotion. I don't want to romanticize it, but that's just the way it seems.

I was kidding around with an older couple the other day because they have a tendency to repeat certain things. I said, "So, the key to a long loving relationship is that you enjoyed the first conversation you ever had so much that you are willing to have that same conversation repeatedly over the next 50 years?!" They laughed, but there's some truth to it: basic values. If you share basic values, then you are much more likely to fall in love.

[Junket]

Eh, you're probably right.

Love is a joke, it doesn't exist.

So stop crying about it already.

[LostNotFound]

if you don't believe in love what do you search for in a partner? i don't understand that cause if you say love doesn't exist what are you looking for? to breed? that can be done artafically. to hang out? you can do that with your mates. it's a deeper connection than that and until you don't know what it is you won't be able to find it. there is someone for everyone. hmmm.