long distance relationships

[King Zarathu]

Kutika...you're that Lebanese chick, right? I'm sure you have MSN. Give it to me.

[Kutika]

Hehehehe ... thanks giga... as for zarathu, yes im that Lebanese chick..lol BTW, i added u... though u're not online

Talk to you soon

[King Zarathu]

Hehehehe ... thanks giga... as for zarathu, yes im that Lebanese chick..lol BTW, i added u... though u're not online

Talk to you soon

Yes I am! I'm online, I swear it! What is your MSN? PM me.

[Gigabitch]

I disagree completely. I'm a bit more rational person, I guess.

Or maybe Love hasn't pushed you into a dark alley and had it's way with you yet.

[Junket]

The way I see it Meri, if you're not willing to take the jump, then you obviously don't love 'em that much at all anyway.

Statement: "I do care but-"

My response: "You obviously don't care enough, so you might as well not care at all as the results are the same."

Is that goin' over yer head?

In any case, tell me how any kind of romantic relationship is really rational at all? You focus all your time and resources on one person to ultimately have children with them which in turn will drain you financially, emotionally, physically.

At the same time, how rational is it to completely deny your own desires?

****, I say if you're perfectly happy living your life "rationally" then go for it.

Don't confuse happy with content here.

But if you start to have some doubts...you only have yourself to blame.

Its all about striking a balance, and it's a fine line.

[Tiay]

Meri:
I agree with Fras.
but, if you really need physical presence, then an LDR is just not for you. I wont argue you on that.. some people are just set up differently and what works for me doesn't have to work for you- that doesn't disprove it.

The issues you mention- such as giving too much up for each other and then regretting it, are issues with all relationships. That is an issue that is improved with good communication. Me and my bf are very careful with that- we'd do so much for each other. I'd ignore many other people and things that are very important to me... etc. But we both want each other to pursue our career/education and things that are important to us so that we can be happy for ourselves, not just be sacrificing things to make each other happy, cos that'd be stupid. If he said "drop college and come live with me" I'd do it. But he'd never in a million years say that, and neither would I.

From my experience, you don't have to "get used to them" when you do get to see them. For me, that happens within a matter of seconds. but again, depends on the person.
I don't feel like when I see my bf, i'm trying to squeeze all the things I wanted to share with him into that short time. Sure, we do try to do lots of things together. But I talk with him so much when we're apart, there isn't a pent up back-log.

out of sight out of mind is an issue with LDRs, I suppose. For me though, there are so many little reminders all over the place that I've never gone through a day without thinking of him in the two years we've been together. And I don't particularly mean obvious things like my computer wallpaper or pictures on the wall.

As for moving in with someone you usually only see every few months.. well.. I'll have an answer for you guys soon, I hope! I'm going to the US for the summer on a student work permit thingie. Not sure of the exact logistics yet, but if things work out, I'll get to room with him. I'm not gonna assume that just 'cos i'll be in the same city he'll ignore other living arrangements that are more convenient for him, of course. but certainly, it will for 3 months cease to be a LDR, and I could not be more excited.
yay

[misombra]

after living with someone for a couple years i think i would prefer an ldr.

[Tiay]

I'm really sorry that it didn't work out- it sounds like you could've had something, but it just wasn't to be. That the distance got between you does not necessarily mean that you weren't as committed or as in love or as mature or anything, just that you're a different type of person.

If I was to, say, see a movie/concert/etc, I'd think of him, wanting him to be there, but it doesn't hurt as badly as you describe. I miss him all the time, but it is not unbearable. and if, in the long run, our relationship does not work out for whatever reasons, I don't want people to say "ah.. LDR's just don't work", just as little as I say "well.. dating just doesn't work" to somebody else.

[Junket]

And If that's how you feel and believe about family, then you shouldn't have one at all. I've always known my happiness lies within a family, now the one that I have with my parents, brother, sister, dog..and one day, when I make my own family..but I'm no making it with anyone, totally irrationally. It's probably because I'm thinking of my children, their future and happiness as well.

You're missin' my point on this.

Looked at coldly creating a family in this day and age is not all that much of a necessity. If a person were to focus solely on themselves and their career becoming economically prosperous would be simple in comparison to that of mate finding and child bearing.

Why did/do farmers have a tendency to have so many kids?

To help them around the farm of course, the kids serve a practical purpose.

But most of society doesn't function that way anymore.

In fact, it'd probably be best if people have a little to no children at all considering our ability to live longer than ever before.

So, when looking at the big picture, how beneficial is having children when disregarding the instinctual and emotional side of it?

[Gigabitch]

If people used a little bit more their upper head (If you can catch my drift), than the the one that's placed down south, maybe there'd be less divorces out there.

I beg to differ. Voice of experience, here: You MUST have an incredible amount of passion and white-hot chemistry to see you through a marriage, or at least I found that to be true for myself. I married my ex-husband with a level head. I thought it was a good idea, and on paper, it was, but I don't live an on-paper kind of life any more. Maybe you can be satisfied with something so bleak, but I will never settle for this again.

I am ridiculously in love right now. I would move to freaking Timbuktu to be with this man. This blows my first love right out of the water. Yes, it's risky, and you know what? It's worth it. Human beings are capable of real love, and I want it. I want to live my life as fully as possible and I'm grateful every day that I had the cojones to end my unsatisfying marriage and believe in something more.

[Junket]

You can't disregard the emotional side of it

DUH!

So why are you still taking a defensive stance?

Jeez.

[Junket]

And I'm being defensive cause I think you see me as a cold hearted.. whatever, and I'm not. Other than that, I'm just trying to express my opinion..in the best possible way that I can.

You are cold hearted.

But that's okay, we still love you.

'Tis the season afterall.

[Tiay]

children!..

Fras, Meri has been burned by an LDR; now, maybe that was just bad luck, or maybe it's cos she's just someone who needs physical closeness for a relationship to work (and I don't mean sex particularly, I just mean him being there). Being burned just tends to make you automatically more cautious at any rate, but whatever the reason, she can choose what type of relationship she wants and what works for her, and just 'cos one type does not work does not necessarily make her cold. We don't need to convince her that LDR's are a jolly thing in order to assure ourselves that our respective LDR's are justified.

And Meri, I don't agree that all LDR's are bad relationships- 'cos mine is doing fine and I know people who went LD for years before moving together. But as I said that doesn't mean that they're suited to everyone. Heck most people prefer not to have LDR's if they can help it. Surely, Fras, you and your girl both initially doubted whether a relationship at such a distance would work, didn't you..?

Also; yes, yes it is stupid to make giant sacrifices for your partner that will leave you unhappy in the end. But as I said before, that has little to do with it being long distance or not, though the problem of who's gonna move where is an issue with LDR's, it's not an impossible one to solve. Heck look at me, i'm trying on living where my bf is, but also if I get the type of internship i'm aiming for, i'll be learning a lot, getting a very valuable look at the type of career I might go into and getting some proper experience onto my CV. of course, the reason I'm going for an internship in that particular city is obvious...

[Mathias]

**** all of you.

[/bitter]

[Gigabitch]

Oh, don't stress yourself, Mathias. An LDR is punishment enough. Believe me, I'm suffering, it hurts, I feel pulled inside-out and I cried myself to sleep last night because I was all cuddled up in bed next to... who? Nobody! That's who, because my boyfriend lives 1200 miles away.

Grumpy Christmas elf, you. Mathias.