broken

[dude12321]

my situation is weird, i dont know which category to put this under, but i guess i am heart broken...

ive been miserable for the past few weeks because of this...

starting from the beginning, i came to college, this girl was in all my classes, and in the beginning of the semester she didnt really talk to me much except for saying hello. But then she came after me one day and we started talking more and more. But i knew she had a bf and i was trying to keep my distance and i was confused on why is she doing this. But i thought might as well just go with it... she was just majorly flirting with me, and text me all the time. But i just kinda shrugged her flirtations off. but one night she got drunk and decided to call me and tell me that she liked me but im just ignoring her, and maybe we should just be friends. I dont know why but i said noo dont do that i do like you, i guess i was just starting to have faint feelings for her...

then after that we just grew closer and closer, and we started hanging out everyday, and grew attached. she stayed over a few times and we kissed me and w/e. then she told me about her bf one day, and i said i knew. she said her relationship isnt going good and they've been growing apart for like 4 month and her bf said he would try to fix things but nothing actually changed. So i encouraged her that maybe she shouldnt be with him...and she broke up with him like a week later, she was sad but also said she needs alot of time. and after they broke up we remained as close as before...then a few weeks later, she suddenly stopped calling me and texting me, and i called her and she wouldnt pick up anymore. i asked her in person what was going on, she just said she was hanging out with her ex, and that they still talk and hang out occasionally.

then another week past by and we had another talk, she said we should stop hooking up and should just be friends...and told me that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone right now, but then i asked her if she was thinking about getting back with her ex and she said "yes im thinking about it."she also said she didnt want to lose me in her life... and after that she stopped hanging out with me and acted like we were JUST friends...
she wouldnt flirt with me anymore. And im just missing everything that happened and i miss her because i really really like her. But i am just so hurt because i feel like i've been used, and was just a rebound guy that stayed in the picture a little longer than usual. I really want her, and people say i should just give her time...but we stopped hanging out so im assuming shes going to hang out with her ex alott, especially im going back home pretty far away soon, and its the month vacation coming up and im going to be away and her ex lives so close to her...so idk whats going to happen.

I really want to tell her how im hurt from this before i leave...but i dont want to just suddenly stop talking to her and be a baby about it, but some ppl say thats the only way it'll make her "realize." i mean i also want to ask her to put deep thoughts into whatever decisions shes going to make over this long break, but idk if i should say that. because i do not believe that people can change...i think her ex suddenly started to hang out alot with her again was because she broke up with him. but i think if they do get back together, he'll prob go back to the way he was and going to grow apart again...

so what should i do now? im miserable over this...and its finals week. i want to give up but i know i wont let myself...should i call her over the break at all? or talk to her at all over the one month break? please help me out and give any comments on this, thank you very much for taking your time to read my story and helping me out.

[dude12321]

oh forgot some things, i know she really likes me too, but she also wanted to have sex but i refused and said i didnt want to sleep with anyone until i am in a relationship and truly know that i care for her and she cares for me back...she was kind of upset that i didnt sleep with her. another thing is that she told me if she never met me, she would still be with her ex...

[Gigabitch]

Take the break to sort through your thoughts. Don't call her. She has to sort through this too, and you don't want her if she's still tangled up with him.

And please, for God's sake, use paragraphs next time. That was REALLY hard to read through.

[dude12321]

i was thinking about writing her a note, and tell her how i've been hurt and stuff, what else should i write in there? or is that even a good idea at all?

[Gigabitch]

In my opinion, it's a bad idea. It's just unattractive. What do you want- to be with her or to make her realize how broken you are? Give her a little time to be all dramatic with her ex over the break and then try to give her something better to move towards when she comes back.

[dude12321]

but isnt that like me backing off her? shes going to see her over the break but not me at all, because they live so close to each other, what if they get back together? i wish i was wasnt so insecure right now... I was thinking of saying something before i leave (like at least to ask her to take her time to put deep thoughts into it before she makes any decisions)...or i could just leave and say nothing?... i was afraid if i dont say it now it would be too late, but please correct me and give me ur opinion on this, thank you. Oh and what if she calls me over the break? Sorry about the no paragraph thing.

[Gigabitch]

If you were really sorry, you'd go back and edit your original post so others would take the time to read it as well...

Anyway, if you want to give her a Christmas card or something with a letter in it, try to make it something that she'll want to re-read. That is the thing about letters- people keep them, and sometimes read them over and over again. Be careful what message you send. Something more like "meeting you was the best gift I've had in a long time and I hope to continue aquainting myself with your beautiful self" rather than "You have shredded me and I am now all ****ed up because of you".

I mean, really. Which would you rather read? You want her to choose you, right? Well, believe me, she and her ex will be doing lots of bickering, sulking and outright fighting over the break because of you. Just give her a very clean message that essentially says, "Do what you need to do- I'll be waiting for you.".

That is all you can do. You can't make her choose you, and if you put yourself into the middle of their crap you'll just end up, well, covered in their crap.

[dude12321]

I did go back and refix it lol , but umm she said she still want to be friends with me no matter what and doesnt want me out of her life...but what i was also thinking to write was that: how i am fortunate to have met her, but she did hurt me by doing this. and to ask her to please take time and deep thoughts into her whatever decisions she may make over the break... but if in 6 month to a year from now, and shes single again, i cant guarantee im still going to be there...

bc i really feel like i wanted to stand up for myself by telling her this, im not sure if its a good idea because i do want her to chose me. You are welcome to add any suggestions for my note. Thank you guys for helping me out.

[dude12321]

anybody else can help me? any comments? please, i would appreciate it, thank you very much.

[sazzya1987]

Its not a good idea to tell her how hurt you are, girls/guys don't like that kind of stuff, its just bad to say to someone! Especially if you want to be with that person...why would you want that person to feel guilty by saying...look what you did!
In my opinion she doesn't sound like she knows what she wants really. She has a boyfriend yet she does stuff with you while with her ex, then breaks up with her ex...IF you got with her what makes you think she would not do the same to you?
I don't know, it seems all a bit strange to me really...

[dude12321]

heh, she said we should just be friends right now, but last night she got mad at me for not talking to her anymore...

[SONOIL]

Oh for crying out loud! What the hell is wrong with you people!? There are no friends between exs, There are no understanding as "Taking A Break" in the relationship either... You just being politely told to "go **** Yourself"! I just don't undersatnd when people start whining "oh she wanted a break" "oh, Her Ex Calling/contacting her"... If the girl is really into you she simply will not do this. You have to realize that you either being put on hold or being cheated on. Now, do you want this kinda relationship?

[dude12321]

Lionos i think you misunderstood things, I am not her ex, I didnt even have a relationship with her, you are talking as if i was the ex. im the other guy, not her ex. she cant cheat on me bc we were never together in the first place. but so sounding from what you are saying, that she really is breaking off with her ex? and when she tells me they are still talking and hanging out are just for bs?

[dude12321]

thanks to everyone who helped me on my situation, but heres an update

its over...shes back with her ex, and im pretty broken, i know my friends all tell me to move on and forget her bc shes not the right one, but i really just cant forget her like this...

[dude12321]

what a ****ing way to wish me happy new years