Do i want to grow up or have fun?

[andy04]

Ok..I have been in my relationship with my boyfriend for two years... we have gone through the loss of a baby together and I lived with him for a year. We decided to make a very dramatic move across the states and I ended up living with him and his mom.. his mom was crazy and mean.. i couldnt take it anymore and because I was unable to handle all the fighting with my boyfriend and dealing with his mean and hateful family. I moved back home with my parents. my boyfriend then changed while i was away.. he decided he wants to get married and start a family. He is now willing to move out of his moms house and get a place so that i wont be miserble like i was when i was living with her. My problem then? I met another guy.. this guy is polite, charming, witty, and funny. I truely enjoy myself when i am with him. I met his friends and family and they all love me. Well now that my boyfriend has changed and wants to settle down.. I have to choose by a couple days if i want to move back across the states to be with him. I know with my boyfriend i love him And I am hoping that his changes will last.. he has seemed very sincere.. and he will take care of me and i wont have to worry about anything in life at all.. I also feel bad because he is going through so much stress... But this new guy.. If i pick him.. I will have to actually get a job.. and i will have to move out on my own and learn to be on my own.. I dont know what i want.. I enjoy the new guys company and I have so much fun with him.. He acts young and likes to have fun.. my boyfriend on the other hand when we are together we act like a married couple because all we do is work, go to bed same thing over and over agian... I have no clue what i want.. I feel like i am going crazy

[Ellynn]

Well, honestly I think you should get a job and be out on your own for a bit. A self -sufficent woman is a smart thing to be in this day and age.
You already tried living w/ your bf and look how things went? Yes people can change, but it doesn't mean it will be how you want it to be. Plus, if your relying on your bf for everything and he loses his job, chances are you will end up back with his mom. Believe it or not, but future inlaws do play a part in your relationship. If you don't get along with his mom now, chances are, not much will change. That will just be more added stress to your relationship, especially if children come into play and she more then likely will be around more. Plus do you really want to settle down now with all these doubts in your mind? How old are you anyways?

As for the new guy, I would take things slow with that as well. Get out on your own. Prove to yourself and others you can make it on your own, and once you do that, you know you'll be ok.
I don't know, but I could never imagine soley relying on someone else to bring the bacon home. Thats a lot of pressure on them and wouldn't you get bored? Plus, unforutunately bad things can happen. Then your really stuck.

But,my point is, if your having all these doubts, then the last thing that you should do is settle down.

[andy04]

Thanks so much for all your advice, you gave me ALOT to think about when it comes to what i want.. Its so hard being 20.. part of me wants to grow up .. but part of me wants to go out and have fun.. both guys are diffrent to the parts of me..But agian, thanks so much for you advice

[Ellynn]

20 is young. You have plenty of time yet! I'm 25 and the thought of settling down right now scares me. I mean Im in school just trying to get my career going. Then I want to be able to support myself. Then when I can do that, I know I will be set. Then I will focus on settling down.

Have fun! You have the rest of your life to settle down and be a married housewive. My friends did it at a young age and missed out on a lot. They now admit to me they kinda regret rushing into it all so fast. One of them even got divorced at 25. Why go thru all that? At least be completely sure and do all the things you want to do before settling down.

[King Zarathu]

As far as choosing between those two men, I'm not sure. I don't know either of them, and you haven't given me enough information.

However, I do think that you need to grow up. Having somebody take care of you at your age isn't necessarily healthy, and you need to become independent and self-sufficient.

[Gigabitch]

Andy, growing up can actually be fun, and it's supposed to take a long time. I think the option to do both lies with the new guy. Getting a job and learning how to take care of yourself are things you need to do to become a fully-functional human being, and it sounds like he'd be good comapany along the way.

The boyfriend has a poisonous family and wants to push you into something you're clearly not ready for, and I don't think you're going to suddenly become ready for it by making a decision. Plus, he wants to move you away from your whole support system. Don't do it.