How many is too many?

[Gribble]

I don't get it. Other than the risk of pregnancy and disease, what's so special about sex? Why does it matter how many partners a person has had?

Sex is just... sex. Big ****ing whoop. It feels good and it's fun. Anything else people tack on to it is bullshit.

[Tiay]

I think people equate lots of sexual partners with promiscuity and faithlessness. That's why it matters to some people. In an evolutionary context, it does increase the risk of disease, and the risk that she's more likely to have offspring that isn't yours- which is pretty much death for your gene line. These things aren't as relevant today, but they're burned into the primitive parts of our minds.

[The Great OV!!!]

I find it funny when people who do not care about a partner's past try and create theories on why people like me do care, it is really entertaining...yet always so wrong. Meh, continue...entertain me.

what's so special about sex? Why does it matter how many partners a person has had? Sex is just... sex. Big ****ing whoop. It feels good and it's fun.

You are right, sex is just sex. I mean, its not like it is the way humans create new life or anything or express their love to one another...right? Why should I be with someone if someone else has already been with them? whats the point? not like I am getting anything special and unique.

[Tiay]

I wasn't particularly referring to you, OV. It was just a general statement. Everyone is different, of course.

[Gribble]

I mean, its not like it is the way humans create new life or anything or express their love to one another...right? Why should I be with someone if someone else has already been with them? whats the point? not like I am getting anything special and unique.

Most of the time people have sex for the pleasure, not to reproduce. It's a recreational activity.

If you think sex is always an expression of love you have a warped view of both. Sex, like a massage, can be nothing more than an act of friendship, or, again like a massage, it can be romantic and meaningful.

Two people are entirely capable of having sex for no reason other than it feels good. I fail to see the problem with that.

Americans can't seem to differentiate between sex and love. That's probably part of the reason why there are so many divorces.

[vashti]

Two people are entirely capable of having sex for no reason other than it feels good. I fail to see the problem with that.

Americans can't seem to differentiate between sex and love. That's probably part of the reason why there are so many divorces.

Didn't you just post a thread complaining about your FWB falling for you? That would sort of argue against the position you are taking. Generally speaking, it isn't Americans that can't differentiate - it is women failing to recognize that men can indeed have non-meaningful sex, and men failing to recognize that women usually can't, and I don't see how this is related to divorce statistics at all.

Once again, he says it much more eloquently than I could.

Yes, but he is wrong.

[Gribble]

Generally speaking, it isn't Americans that can't differentiate...

Actually, many other cultures do differentiate between sex and love. Hell, in Japan wives sell themselves to married men. I honestly believe that if a married couple were free to sleep with other people that couple would last longer. I can only speak for myself, but I can promise you that if I were married it would end in divorce or I'd start cheating. I'm not meant to mate for life with a single person. I don't think anyone is.

As for that girl falling for me, what can I say? I was as open and up-front about my stance on relationships as possible.

[vashti]

Actually, many other cultures do differentiate between sex and love. Hell, in Japan wives sell themselves to married men. I honestly believe that if a married couple were free to sleep with other people that couple would last longer. .

Do you think if I told my husband I felt this way he would let me have Aegis? Then he could get rid of the crazy Chicago girl.

[The Great OV!!!]

No one is telling you that you have to care about someone's past, just be understanding of those who do care. You think Gribble that a relationship would last longer when the people are free to have sex with someone else? I strongly dis-agree, What is the point of being with someone? You keep saying that the relationship is not about sex and that Amercians have a warped view of it, well what is supposed to be the reason to be with someone? money? tradition? gimme a break. Basically I am trying logically and reasonable to justify marrying and being with someone in a long term relationship. Hell, if you think that going through life just living alone and ****ing every girl that comes your way is good then I understand, but marrying one....I just don't get it...why? Why buy the cow when you can have the milk?

PS: I am not American, I just live in America.

Another thing is that I don't believe that you could carry out what you say. If you are crazy about a girl and you see her going with another guy, and you don't get a bit annoyed by that then I doubt you are human, IT can drive anyone crazy. I would aslo get bored of the person if I can have sex with someone else, then also I would have less sex with my married partner...how would that make them feel, when I come home and go, you want sex? oh sorry, im to tired...I just had it with someone else.

[Gribble]

Do you think if I told my husband I felt this way he would let me have Aegis? Then he could get rid of the crazy Chicago girl.

I don't know your husband, but I have a feeling he'd kick Aegis' ass. Society forces these warped views upon us. If he'd been born and raised in a society that taught separation of love and sex he wouldn't have a problem at all. But he was taught to live a certain way. That way, at least in my humble opinion, doesn't really work. Too many marriages end in divorce, and of those that last, how many are actually happy marriages? Something doesn't seem right to me.

No one is telling you that you have to care about someone's past, just be understanding of those who do care.

It bugs me a little. You're entitled to your opinion. It's just that your opinion is so negative. So a woman likes to have a little fun, why does that make her a slut to be avoided at all costs save by those looking for an easy lay? Not all women who sleep around are skanky. Not all men who sleep around are sleazy. Some just like to have a good time. That's the point I'm going for. And I have met perfectly nice, classy women who enjoy sex without strings attached.

Furthermore, why is it a woman who sleeps around is automatically a slut, but a guy who does the same, meh, who cares? I don't know if that's your stance or not, but it's certainly prevalent in American society and I think it's pretty screwed up.

What is the point of being with someone? You keep saying that the relationship is not about sex and that Amercians have a warped view of it, well what is supposed to be the reason to be with someone? money? tradition... but marrying one....I just don't get it...why? Why buy the cow when you can have the milk?

Children. I believe a child is better off raised by a mother and father who share a healthy relationship. Other than that, I really can't think of a reason. Love, I suppose. Although I don't really believe in it, at least not in the everlasting sort society tries to make me believe in.

I've always thought marriage was absurd. Even if I were madly in love I wouldn't want to get married. When/if that love fades why should I place myself into a position that makes it difficult for me to simply pick up and move on? I don't get it. The focus of my life has always been on making myself and the people I care about happy. If I'm not happy in a relationship odds are my SO isn't very happy either. Why drag it on when it isn't fun anymore?

Another thing is that I don't believe that you could carry out what you say. If you are crazy about a girl and you see her going with another guy, and you don't get a bit annoyed by that then I doubt you are human, IT can drive anyone crazy. I would aslo get bored of the person if I can have sex with someone else, then also I would have less sex with my married partner...how would that make them feel, when I come home and go, you want sex? oh sorry, im to tired...I just had it with someone else.

I've never been crazy about anyone, so I can't really comment. I was involved with a poly girl, though. She slept with a couple other guys and even a girl or two. It would bother me if she were having unprotected sex with some homeless dude with tracks running up and down his arms, naturally. But she was smart and careful. We talked about it sometimes, and I even met both of the guys.

I read this somewhere, maybe even in a thread here: A couple has more sex during their first year of marriage than they do over the remainder of their marriage. That might be bullshit, I don't know. It wouldn't surprise me, though. The passion starts to die out over time. That married couple isn't going to have sex as often, anyway. So maybe they go out every month or so and sleep with someone else. I don't think it would have much of an impact on how often they have sex with each other. Again, society has conditioned most of us differently, so the thought is abhorrent. I still think it would make a relationship last longer, though.

[NeoSeminole]

it comes down to morals. Some people have them; others don't. The people who condone promiscuity generally have less moral fiber.

[Gribble]

Morality is largely debatable, particularly when there are no victims. Plus promiscuity implies indiscrimination. Indiscriminate sex leads to disease which is bad. I don't condone indiscriminate sex, just casual sex. "Sleeping around" sounds indiscriminate, I know. Sorry for the ambiguity.

[The Great OV!!!]

I am annoyed that you think this is completely cuturally relative. I for one could never give a shit how this place raised me. I was raised a catholic and now spit on the church and the fake god. I don't sway to cultural relativism. It is just simple though, It bothers me emotionally when a girl is with someone else when I love her...before I knew her or after makes no difference to me..I think that is the biggest difference between people like me and those who accept..those who accept simply make some stupid excuse for the person's past, like..well she didn't know me yet...oh boo hooo. By the way, I don't believe in the double standard, a dude can be a sleazy slut too.

PS: I dont ever want kids....ever...freaking annoying creatures they are.

So a woman likes to have a little fun, why does that make her a slut to be avoided at all costs save by those looking for an easy lay? Not all women who sleep around are skanky. Not all men who sleep around are sleazy. Some just like to have a good time. That's the point I'm going for. And I have met perfectly nice, classy women who enjoy sex without strings attached.

Why should I give her more credit then any of the man who were just looking for an easy lay? Actually sleeping around is a direct definition of sleazy and skanky...so really, yea...they are...they can like it...but it doesnt change who the they are.

One more thing. I think those who accept are fools. I find them to be less consciouslly aware of other man's surrounding ideas. For example, you think it is cool and ok for you wife to sleep around with other and you...but if I slept with her and found out she had a husband my first thought would be "MAN, what a ****ing retard! I just banged his ****ing wife...haha what a stupid ass sucker". You can not care but you lose dignity, that is important to me.

[NeoSeminole]

that is such bullshit. I guarantee that you care about what other people think of you. Everyone tries to sound tough or mature online, but very rarely do they practice what they preach.

[The Great OV!!!]

that is such bullshit. I guarantee that you care about what other people think of you. Everyone tries to sound tough or mature online, but very rarely do they practice what they preach.

I agree. The tough guy syndrome "YEA! DOUG! I DONT GIVE A SHIT" ..translation "WAAAHHHHHHH"

To spell out my prior post more clearly, do you think half the people I think poorly of have any idea that I have a low opinion of them? No. A quarter? No. One tenth? No. I just don't tell people, so they just don't know. They carry on blissfully ignorant of my opinion.

I then apply this to myself and realize that while people surely think less of me, I'm often not aware of it & thus the loss (or absence) of dignity in their eyes does not affect me. It doesn't affect me and is therefore meaningless, unless they hold some influence over me, as an occupational superior might.

It gets better, specially when your friends know her past. Then you lose your friend's respect...and you end-up walking around like a dousche bag with everyone laughing at you behind your back. If you are aware of it or not doesn't really change anything.