Got dumped by a girl who "loved" me..

[Husblas]

Im from DK, and new on this forum, seeked some place to get guidance etc. - So 1½ year back, I met this girl online, she lives 120 km's from me - we talked alot over phone, only text messages etc. - everyday, all day, and never any problems.. it was like finding what youve been looking for for your whole life, eventhough I never met her I was falling in love in her personality (and looks, boy oh boy :/)

So last summer, I borrowed my moms car and went to visit her, and we had a good evening, watched my favourite movie The Wall.. I didnt count on anything with her, she is a gorgeous girl, a year younger than me, perfect body and so beautiful eyes - and me, well long haired, beared, tall and pretty heavy dude, so I thought she didnt wanted to talk to me after she saw me in real life.

Guess I was wrong, she wrote to me on her vacation that she was inlove with me, etc. I visited her again for a couple of days, and she came down to me for like 4 days (I had house and a car for myself, since my parents was on vacation) - and she made sure we were a couple from that day on.

Things went good - given the fact that we only been together for a week, she jumped on me at her moms place, and I gave my virginity to her (I was 18), though she wasnt a virgin, having some troubled boyfriends before she regretted, a week later she called me telling me she loved me, and I believed her since she was crying and all.. Things looked really good, she was "perfect".. soo pretty, and a personality to fall in love with

But, shes been at a .. dunno what you call it in english, but a school long from home, with other youngsters in same age etc. living there for a year, while we wrote together.. Those friends she lost when summer came, and it was back to normal, but she only had one friend at home, so she was pretty lonely.. Last fall, things went worse and worse. Having no friends, job or school, everything was poured onto me.. I accepted that, she just needed to start a new chapter of her life, and so on.. we argued a lot and things was not as it was the first 3 months of our relationship..

So she got on a temporary school for people who's stuck in their life, and got alot of new "bad" male friends, and ofcourse I got jealous of all these new guys in her life.. she couldnt understand that.. Things were going much better for her again, and she asked me, due to our bad period and my jealousi, how I thought things were going.

Not too good I said, but it was fixable, she said she couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel, but would think it over.. and the night after she called and cried, apologizing and all, all hysterical. And things really got better christmas over.. we had incredible sex, though some minor jealousi problems of mine (I found out she had slept in same bed with one of her new malefriends at a party, eventhough I asked her if she had anywhere to sleep, and she said she was ok) and the day after she tells me.. she could understand I was upset.

But I was still jealous as these guys, eventhough they all had girlfriends.. but I was getting better at working with it.

So a great holiday.. the weekend after, she said that she didnt wanted to move up here anyways, eventhough she said she wanted too, and all.. so that was a slap in the face.. So she tried breaking up with me in the weekend, but I was crying, she was crying and all.. so she said sorry she tried, and evertyhing was going to be OK, and we could make it, we had make up sex and I really thought everything was going great from now on..

So this tuesday she called and said it was over.. we weren't meant to be, and didnt belong together.

I got upset ofcourse, and couldnt help writing her messages, but she was cold as ice, didnt answer after a few messages.. last night, after another messages of mine saying how she ruined me, how I love her and so on.. she wrote things like.. "Get yourself together.. its over.. stop being pathetic" - "I really did LOVE you", (What!? Like you just stop loving someone, you stupid *****!) but also a message (the last she sent) telling me how a great guy I was and I should find the perfect match someday for sure.. It tore me apart, how could she be like this?! Was it all just a big lie, all the crying and I love you so much.. she told me how much she loved me several times a day.. I gave my life to this *****, despite my and her age (19 and 17, yes I know.. so young) - last night I deleted and tore down everything that has the smallest thing to do with her, phonenumbers, everything.. I feel I was just a thing to fill out the huge gap in her life until she met new friends.. Now Im just a wreckage.

Fourtanely I have a really great female friend who is with me every step of this, supporting and backing me off as much as she can.. But how could my ex be so cruel? I feel so betrayed and useless! And Im almost pukeing just by the thought of her being together with someone else, u know.. I still love her, but.. life is just shit right now.

[Borealis]

Stand strong and know that the departure of love from your life only allows you time to mend and build yourself as a person. Life has constant ways of bringing misery endlessly into our lives, forcing us to appreciate what we take for granted while we are blinded by counterfeit realities of paradise.

Aside from that, don't ask questions of what ifs, or speculate the things that might be going on in her life. I understand that it is extremely difficult, but know that the reason to which I propose this idea is that most if not all of these questions will never be answered. It is just better that you ignore it completely and take the stride forward to make your life filled with greater positives.

Opportunities of love will arise in your life again, but it requires incredible patience, if it is to be meaningful. But those opportunities often only come when you are completely unaware or looking for it.

All the best,
Borealis

[Husblas]

Thank you for your post and advices.. Ive just been told by her sisters boyfriend, who I still talk too, when I asked if she's happy, and the answer was yes.. So any ifs is out of my mind now.. I slowly come to sense that we didnt fit together, or were meant to be, as we did once.. And she is young too, eventhough she's soon 18 - immature.. but that doesnt justifies her lies of love to me - I think that she's been lieing about that for a month.. from the first time it went wrong.

But the hardest thing right now, is the idea of her together with someone else sexually and so on.. its unbearable, cause she's such a pretty girl, and can have who ever she wants.. and if shes happy, whats from stopping her to do it .. it makes me wanna puke in jealousy But guess that takes some time too..

[Zach]

Husblas.. Dude. You have no idea who much I can relate to your story! Pretty much the same thing happened to me except she always lived near me. We were pretty much physically together for about 2 and a half years. She is 17 soon to be 18. Im 19 soon to be 20. She "Stopped loving me" and I could never accept that. After all the things we went through and the love we shared and all our memories.. how the **** could she stop loving me.. out of no where. POOF GONE! WTF!

So yeah you know how it feels better..even just a tiny bit when you know someone else is going through what you are? Well be glad your not me because only a month after we broke up she starts dating my bestfriend. Yeah. **** me.

But through all the hell and pain. There is STILL hope at the end of the tunnel! Your doing the right right thing by tearing down all your mementos and deleting her out of your life. Its for the best and we both know that.
Im not gonna lie to you.. its the hardest thing I have ever been through. But I am ****ing strong and I have been through this before too.. You are strong! You can shut this door to the past and walk through the one to the better future. There will plenty of great and amazing girls out there man, Ipromise in due time you'll find someone! Just take what has happened to heart, learn from it.. and when your done greiving let it all go. Its hard. Its hard.. its so god damn hard.. but its possible.. and You got this.

Much <3 --Zach

[Husblas]

Thanks alot zach for that post, it really does help to see that Im not the only one with this thing.. Damn those immature girls.. dunno what they want in their lives.. its like, good guys comes last.. wtf - though your story is kinda worse than mine.. I thought I was having a rough time here

Yeah, Ive been through kinda the same, but definetly not this much.. back in 8th grade I fell in love with this girl flirting with me constantly.. I was pretty shy back then, but at the end of 9th grade I told her, and she said she didnt have enough confidence to be with any one right now.. 10 mins later she was kissing my best friend.. **** her.. **** my ex.. Deleted everything with her, and got over it.. puppy love

Fortunaly Ive come to accept that she's been a whore.. buts its hard.. I mean.. I still love her.. I still have a hard time falling a sleep.. But Im sure Ill get over it.. Im not gonna let her ruin my life - I got a lot to look forward too.. moving this summer - starting my studies for E-integrator.. lots of college parties.. its gonna be nice.. Ill take this as an experience once I reach the point where I can see beyond her.

Once again, thanks for the post dude.. It helped!

[Husblas]

Doh! I checked her arto (danish kiddie site, HATE IT!) right now, and apperantly shes having a party for all her new male friends.. eventhough she always told me their only friends and they all except one got girlfriends, I can just imagine her drunk ****ing the last dude! Damn.. whats the matter with me.. heart is all flickering.. fortunaly a female friend of mine called to check on me.. calmed me down alot..

I gotta stop checking her profile! Damn

[Zach]

Yeah.. do avoid myspace and everything of the sort. You'll thank yourself later.

[Husblas]

I miss her so much.. its just so hard.. I made a list of everything I disliked about her.. just read it again.. didnt help.. Searched for her number on my phone, eventhough I deleted everything, to write her that I miss her so much, but couldnt find anything thankfully.. but it was just a short fall back.. better now :S

[Soulfire]

I'm a female, but know how you are feeling right now missing someone you loved and lost. I don't have any suggestions because I'm looking for them myself. I'm miserable.

[Husblas]

Join the club

[CAM]

Wait til you see the ex at your 20 year high school reunion. You may be glad that it ended. Believe me! Perspective, perspective. Enjoy your youth. There's plenty more where she came from.

[Husblas]

Well, she's living 120 kms from me, so thats not gonna happen.. never gonna see her again.. I wrote a letter,and thinking about sending it.. dunno.. I miss her so much!

[Zach]

DONT WRITE HER! You need to focus on getting over her first. Seriously DO NOT send her a letter. Cut contact completely for a few months. Just listen to me. Your going to rip your heart out over and over again if you keep contact with her at all.

[Husblas]

It wasnt to keep contact.. told her in the letter not to contact me if she has anything bad to say.. I dunno.. Im just desperate

[Gigabitch]

It wasnt to keep contact.. told her in the letter not to contact me if she has anything bad to say.. I dunno.. Im just desperate

Bullshit. No contact is no contact. Post everything you want to say to her here. Don't worry about people getting tired of it- let it out, just not to her.