Sexless Marriage....what to do?

[crushgroove]

I have been dating my wife for 7 years, and married for 2 years now. After we got married she immediately got pregnant, and we have a 1yr old daughter. We are physically healthy in our mid twenties. Here’s a quick rundown of the events that lead to this. One year before we got married she got this crazy idea to not have sex anymore until the wedding date, a deal that she made with God. Okay so I had to deal with a year of no sex and a lot of porn. Wedding night comes and I completely decked out the room with rose pedals, candles, the works. “I’m tired” was her response that night. That was the beginning of this HELL I am in right now!!! A few months after we got back from our honeymoon and 4 sexual acts later (yeah you heard me, 4 times in three months) she tells me she’s expecting. This was a planned pregnancy so we were on cloud nine. For the whole nine months I didn’t even get a French kiss from her. I begged for sex, or head, or anything that she could do to help me, but she “didn’t feel beautiful” at the time and said it was her and not me. So I picked up the pieces of my dignity and pride and went back for more porn. After our daughter was born I thought YESSS!! But no, she still had and still has issues with her weight and there was nothing I could or can do to convince her that I think she is absolutely gorgeous I SWEAR I tried everything my female friends told me to do to romance her and make her feel beautiful and special to me and nothing. We have gone to marriage counseling and were told that basically I have a lot of resentment towards her so I gave up trying to romance her. Well I stopped romancing her because I’ve been so neglected and rejected for so many years that I just stopped trying. On her end the shrink told her how important sex is in a marriage, and all she could say is that I needed to romance her more! WTF?! Sex is a physical and biological NEED that we as humans have! We maybe have had sex 5 times in a year  I’ve called her out on her crap reasons and told her I want a divorce. Im still young and can find someone who could tryuly love, want, need me, and has a REAL sexual appetite like me. I really don’t want to get a divorce because I am so attached to my daughter that I am afraid seeing her 3-4 times a week won’t be enough. There is absolutely no chemistry between us anymore and I don’t know what to do. Should we separate for a while? Any thoughts on this?

[Gigabitch]

Yes. She needs therapy.

Try to avoid divorce at all costs- it's horrible and you shouldn't go through it unless you have to. I understand you're at the end of your rope. How did she react to the threat of divorce?

[crushgroove]

She cried and said that she's sorry. She said that she is attracted to be, but she feels unnattactive and not very sexy at all. Thats her reason for not having sex with me. Neither one of us wants a divorce, however I can't live the rest of my life like this. I'm 26 years old. I could very easily go start another family with a wonderful woman (hypothetically speaking)! Then again the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

[Gigabitch]

No, but there might be cows over there who might be more willing.

Look, here's the thing: You'll still be able to run off and start a new family in ten years. In twenty years. Stick to your guns and insist that she deal with this problem, but don't divorce her yet. Regret is a bitch.

Maybe you could go to the gym with her. She needs to get her blood pumping.

[crushgroove]

HAH! We have a treadmill, an olympic weight set, and my 6'2" 120lbs muay tai punching bag in the garage. I'm the only one who uses all that crap! She complains all the time about being 20lbs overwight but does nothing to fix it!

[Gigabitch]

I'm wondering if she's playing a role of "wife and mother" she's never really questioned. What's her mom like?

[Zach]

I'm wondering if she's playing a role of "wife and mother" she's never really questioned. What's her mom like?

I was just thinking the same thing about the roles.

[NeoSeminole]

ha ha ha ha, sucks for you. It never ceases to amaze me how pussy whipped some guys are. Red flags should have immediately gone up in your head when she told you no more sex until the wedding. This is her way of testing you, which sadly you failed to recognize. You need to take back your balls and tell her "if you won't have sex with me, then I'll find someone else who will." What's she going to say? "No, I want to watch you suffer?" One of three things will happen. 1) She'll be cool with it or 2) get the hint and start putting out more or 3) want a divorce, in which case you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with a frigid b*tch anyway. Either way, it's a win win situation for you.

[misombra]

it's too bad that you had to have a child involved before you realized living with this woman was hell. i'm sure you love her but i think it's going to lead you to having affairs, which will lead her to feel worse about herself. i don't think your child wishes to grow up in such a resentful environment. that is one big issue that if both people aren't willing to work on then the whole thing can be lost. i would say it's time to move on. or maybe it will be time eventually to move on, just how willing are you to let it go on. are you willing to do it forever?

[The Great OV!!!]

Red flags should have immediately gone up in your head when she told you no more sex until the wedding.

Seriously!

[crushgroove]

Her mom is a sweet lady who treats my father in law like a friggin king! I think my wife has resentment issues about that, and tends to have feminist views about the roles of "a wife". As far as being pussy-whooped, naw, at the time there was more to the relationship then sex, we were and still are best friends. We have a great time together and make each other laugh all the time. We are living like roommates at this point. Sex was and still is great when it does happen. I have to initiate it all the time when it does happen and it's always been that way, and i'm sick of that due to my pride. The only thing stopping me from leaving her is the fear of badly hurting her emotionally. I mean obviously she does have serious issues with her self esteem. I don't want to crush her that bad.

[Junket]

Oh poor her.

[BFTrick]

I have to say that im really impressed that you didnt cheat.

About your marriage though, i think you should stick it out more. Gigabitch has it right here, you can start a family whenever. And just by the way you used the word family it tells me that your looking for a partner, not a sex toy. And it sounds like you have your partner, i imagine it would be very hard to find someone like her. And of course, the kid.

And while i do think you should stay with your wife, one of your reasons to leave seems flawed to me. You need to stay in the marriage for you. You are the most impotant person to yourself.

[Junket]

I say **** it, if she can't figure out a way to get over whatever wall she's stuck behind I say he moves on.

[Charlie Boy]

You've bought yourself a dry cow. You can't make milkshakes with soy. They taste like shit and aggravate any cancer you might have. Move on. Seek therapy if you cannot.