Hey ladies. How likely would you be to do this?

[blue toxin]

Long story short, because I posted enough about it in other threads.

I met this girl at work, we were both in other relationships, they ended. We hooked up months later, dated for 2 weeks, she thought we needed some more time to be friends before anything else happened. Okay fine. We've been great friends since (been 2 months now since we split). We're growing closer and more comfortable around each other. On one occasion, about a month ago, I broke down and asked her sincerely if she could see our friendship going anywhere. She responded "I'm content with the friendship but don't see why it couldn't evolve into something in the future?" Meh. Okay fine.

Anyway, now you ladies have some background information on where I'm at here. So put yourself in that position before you start to analyze the rest of the situation here... Anyway... We were at wal mart a bit ago and we were looking around, just killing time and goofing off. Well, she saw these pajamas and kept convincing me to get them. I was like no, no, no. Eventually I broke down and got them. So then she said, let's go look at my stuff. I was confused but followed her. Before I know it we're in the bra section. She just glanced at a few things quick and then asked me if I was comfortable. I was like, yeah, why? (shopping for lingerie, even by myself, does NOT bother me a single bit). She just smiled and said ah, just curious.

So I followed her around but made it a point to keep some distance so I wasn't over her shoulder looking at what she was buying, but I did comment on some things when I saw fit. Then we headed over to the thong section. Oh boy, here we go. She commented on a few things there. Then I saw something and commented on how the red and black looked. She grabbed it and out the door we went.

In the checkout she asked me if I felt uncomfortable doing that. I said no, why? She said ah, I was just curious. Most guys seem to be. A few seconds of silence went by and she held the thong at her waist and said, SO, how do you think I'd look in it?! I laughed and looked away. She yelled GOTCHA! As in she got me feeling uncomfortable.

So, what's this mean? What do you ladies here think? I mean you know our history, we dated very briefly and split to be friends longer. We've grown more comfortable around each other that's for sure. But I can't seem to figure out if it's a "best friend" type of comfort or "I truly want you" type of comfort. Blahhh!

Any input?

[vashti]

I hate seeing males in the lingerie department... it is so awkward for me. Anyway, she is obviously being provocative, but I am not sure why. Either she is interested in pushing the relationship to the next level, or she needs an ego boost. You will have to ask her to find out.

[blue toxin]

Well, seeing as though I asked her out and she kicked it back to being friends, and about 3-4 weeks to go I broke down and asked her if she saw our friendship going anywhere, I kind of wanted to keep the poking for questions at a minimum. I don't want to be a nagging desperate friend who keeps puppydog following her around. I want to be a friend she can rely on and not feel awkward around me, and hopefully we'll be able to kindle some kind of connection to kick it to another level.

Due to some experiences she had with past relationships (nothing serious, but enough to make her wake up) she seems to be a bit slower when it comes to relationships. It seems like every relationship she got involved in, there were a lot of untold things that only surprised her (in a bad way) shortly down the road. I think she's just trying to prevent tha from happening, and full blown get to know me before we date. Okay fine. I'm all right with that. But like I said, without asking her I'm trying to analyze this situation with her buying a thong in my presence. I didn't feel the slightest bit awkward, however I was somewhat surprised. I guess regardless, this is somewhat of a good sign, eh? Granted it may be a sign of "best friend comfort" but who knows, maybe it's "I truly want you comfort." I hope I hope I hope...

[Gigabitch]

First of all, you two are not friends. Friends don't date, and you're clearly hovering around the line. I would never enter the lingerie department with a guy friend unless he was gay as could be.

Is she messing with you? Is she moving ever closer to dating you again? God knows. It would drive me crazy to feel like someone was possibly stringing me along, maybe just for an ego boost.

I think you'll find it a relief when she makes up her mind one way or the other.

[vashti]

I think the thing for me is that I know that genuine friends rarely can make the transition to a romantic relationship. I would be really careful with this situation if I were you.

[blue toxin]

Well, we haven't been friends for too long. We've known each other for a while, but I didn't even know her last name. I just worked with her and would just say hi and be friendly. But only about 3-4 months ago we started talking and spending time together.

I don't feel like she's stringing me along... not yet anyway. I have a hard time understanding everything, because I sincerely think 2 things at once. Either A: She's VERY into me and we'll start dating again very soon, or B: she's just THAT comfortable around me as a friend.

The thing to remember is... when her and I first started dating, she was getting the vibe I wasn't completely over my ex. Now that her and I have talked more, I see why it scared her, because pretty much every other relationship she's been in, it's been a rebound relationship, so now she's cautious about getting hooked up with a guy who's just been in a breakup. But things have been great SINCE then. They truly have. But again, I come back to the same question. There's no doubt she's comfortable around me. But is it a best friend type, or I want you type?

I think I'll wait a bit longer, maybe another 2-3 weeks and see what happens. If nothing changes and I feel like I'm still lingering around like this, maybe I'll say something. Any opinions? I really appreciate the responses I've gotten so far.

[vashti]

I think you should decide whether or not you are interesting in having her just as a friend, and then act accordingly.

[blue toxin]

I am interested in having her as just a friend, but if the decision were entirely up to me and me alone, I'd love to have the opportunity to date her. I just want to know if I should wait around and see what happens or do my own thing.

I mean, when I talked to her previously, she said "I'm content with the friendship but don't see why it couldn't evolve into something in the future." Okay fine. But if she's basing this based on months down the road, I can't say that I'm going to wait around that long.

Everytime I plan on talking to her for a 2nd time, something else happens. She'll call me and we'll have a great flirty conversation and I decide, ahh maybe I'll wait. I think about talking to her again, and she's buying panties with me.

The thing that I'm afraid of is pushing her away everytime I talk to her. If she's on the verge of opening up to me about a relationship, I don't want to beat her to the chase, talk to her, and push her away by sounding desperate. It's just a tricky situation I'm in...

[Gigabitch]

I think you should decide whether or not you are interesting in having her just as a friend, and then act accordingly.

That was the biggest Freudian slip I've seen in a looooong time.

[vashti]

That was the biggest Freudian slip I've seen in a looooong time.

Really? Because I have had 2 vodka-tonics, and so I'm not catching it.

Nice to see you back, Giga. We missed you.

Bluetoxin - why do you want to be her friend rather than her lover? Or rather, why would you settle?

[blue toxin]

Vashti, she's a great person. And I think you misunderstood (unless you just typed it wrong)... If I can't date her, which I WOULD rather do, I'd at least like to be friends with her.

If I knew for a cold hard fact she was NOT into me, it'd be a lot easier for me to shake the feelings I have for her and just remain friends. But this not-knowing thing has me on edge at times. And I've already bugged her about it once, I hate to ask her again. But at the same time the first time I asked she didn't have a real answer for me. Just the "...but I don't see why it couldn't evolve into something in the future."

Blah. I'm going to bed. I'll check back here in the morning. Thanks for the input folks!

[Gigabitch]

Vodka tonics! Yum! One of my favorites! Anyway, you told him he should decide if he was interesting. Sounds like you think he might not be.

And yeah, I may be doing the occasional disappearing act. I am working weird hours these days to make up for all that extracurricular activity with Cali Boy.

Blue Toxin, you sound very comfortable being Mr. Maybe. Perhaps that's what you need right now, and it's a nice safe position to be in while you continue to get over your ex.

[blue toxin]

I am over my ex. I'm completely over my ex. Her and I were talking about past relationships one day and she noticed I was bothered by something to do with my ex. I probably should of told her, but my ex cheated on me, which urked me for a long time due to how well I treated her. I just didn't think that she needed to know the dirty details of my past relationship, and she took it was I was still bothered and therefore not over it, when in reality, even though I was telling her the light side of my past relationship, I was thinking of the dark side where the cheating happened, hence my reaction when we were talking about it, which triggered her to believe I wasn't over it.

Believe me, I am. I know there's better out there, and I know I'm a decent guy. But I just feel as though I found a great girl and I want to make the best of it, however if she's not interested I'm not going to condemn her or shun her or anything like that. I'll still be friendly, as long as I know where my boundaries are, which right now I'm not really sure what they are...

Okay, seriously going to bed now...

[vashti]

Vodka tonics! Yum! One of my favorites! Anyway, you told him he should decide if he was interesting. Sounds like you think he might not be.

And yeah, I may be doing the occasional disappearing act. I am working weird hours these days to make up for all that extracurricular activity with Cali Boy.

Blue Toxin, you sound very comfortable being Mr. Maybe. Perhaps that's what you need right now, and it's a nice safe position to be in while you continue to get over your ex.

Duh! That wasn't what I meant (at least, I don't *think* I meant it!)...

Anyway, I agree with Giga about being Mr. Maybe. I guess I am more of a "Mr. Yes" or "Mr. No" kind of person. Uncertainty makes me crazy.

[blue toxin]

So, Vashti, Giga... put yourselves in my shoes. What would you do? Should I wait out the good signs I'm getting and see if anything comes out of it? Or be blunt and ask directly? Keep in mind, I'm just worried if I'm blunt and ask directly it'll push her away farther... What to do...