Ldr?

[Ellynn]

I just started talking to an ex bf of mine again.

Our history: We met off of yahoo and met in person a little over 2 yrs ago. We hit it off really well(he lived like 5 min from me). We both had similiar interests and he lost his dad around the same time I lost mine. Its like we really connected and all was great. He had some other issues he was dealing with, so things didn't work out relationship wise. We did remain friends though. He moved 8 hrs away and we still kept in contact during all this time. He also worked out some of his issues.

Fast forward to now. Im in school full time and he moved a bit closer (3 hrs away) to be near his family. We started talking again on a regular basis and he confessed to me that he still wants to be with me. I agree that I would like to give things a try again but the biggest issue is the distance. 3 hrs apart isn't all that bad, but Im in school full time and I can't seem to get away more then a day to go and see him.(I help out my mom and live with her.) He is establishing himself in the town he lives in and looking for a job etc. So, its kinda hard for him as well. We are planning to get together soon though. In the meantime we have been talking on the net everyday and we also both have webcams, so that helps. But, its still not the same.

How do you guys do it? How do you keep things going in an LDR? Doesn't the distance stuff suck? I'm content with things now, but I just never had a relationship that was long distance. Up until recently, I thought they were pointless because of the lack of "in person" contact. But since he confessed his feelings for me and wanted to give it a try again, it just got me to wondering "what if"? He talked about how he sees us together in the future(when Im done with school etc). How he wants a family eventually...w/ me.etc. This kinda took me by surprise, but this is what he says he realized during our time apart. I just don't know if I should go for it or not? I don't know how well this would all work out. Should I just go with the flow?

[Junket]

I just had some of the most meaningful conversations with my girlfriend the past couple nights. We mix it up we just exchanging e-mail some days, to chatting, and even shit, today we IMed each other and I figured, "**** it", I ended up calling her anyway.

Granted, there are the obvious down sides, but look at the upsides, you both can continue to live your lives without the obligation to set aside as much time or energy to be in the physical presence of them. But when you do get to see each other, it's like a major bonus. When it comes to LDR's, you have kinda have to stay "in the moment", if you think too far ahead, it may become overwhelming.

As I've also mentioned before, I believe LDR's should be regarded as temporary, as I don't see the point in being in an LDR where you don't have any intention on progressing to a "normal" relationship at some point.

[Ellynn]

Thanx Fras,

Thats encouraging. You're right about it being nice of not having the full obligation of having to make time to see each other every week. For me right now, an "in person" relationship is almost impossible. I hardly have time for myself, let alone my mom, work, and school. Its all very time consuming and in reality, it would be almost unfair to someone to be dating them "in person" right now.
But, its nice to be able to talk on the net and still have all that without all the "struggling to make time" to see him every week. He has just been so sweet. He says he wants to be there for me and is making all these plans for us. Its scary, but also thrilling. When we were together before (aside from other issues) we really did connect. I fell for him hard in a short period of time. Crazy thing is he never pressured me to have sex and we never got to that. He told me he felt differently with me then other girls and wanted it to be special and didn't want me to feel used if we broke up. I'd say thats the only recent ex of mine who I didn't have sex with(in the past 4 yrs). (maybe thats why we are still friends?) So, now we are both curious. Its become like a fantasy of ours to explore what could have been had things worked out before and we took it to the next level. So, now its just like finding time to actually get together. That is the part that sucks..... But he told me in the meantime, he wants us to be exclusive and commit to each other, if IM ok with that. I am, but do you think thats a lot to ask? I mean we both promised each other that if we met someone else we would be up front about it etc. I don't know, just never done all this before. Im gonna try to go with the flow I guess.

[Gigabitch]

IMO, you can make an LDR work if, as Fras says, it's temporary, and if the people involved are self-sufficient enough to handle it, and if you're both really sure about it. Doubts make an LDR impossible. So do miscommunications. You guys need a plan (i.e. you'll be together in person when you get out of school or something along those lines), you need to commit to the plan and you need to stick to the plan.

I'm enjoying the leisure of getting used to this intense relationship with my bf over long distance. It's been six months, but because we dated before (like your situation), we got pretty serious pretty quick. I think it might have freaked me out if he had been living here for all of this. This is one upside.

Another is that your relationship will be richer for all of the different ways you communicate with one another. You have to try in an LDR- you can't just fall into a rut. I'll bet if you do this, you'll enjoy it.