My story...

[brokn4alifetime]

Hey everyone,

I'm new here! I decided to join up and let this out to a bunch of people who will probably understand...better than my friends and maybe better than me. I've spoken to a couple of people about my situation and to the person in question...and i feel like i'm still in a dilema.

I'm 21, when I was 16 I saw the most beautiful girl of my life (well call her Jade)...i lived/live in the UK and she lived/lives in the US. I wrote her half a year later...we started writing/emailing/phoning...about a year after that I went out to see her...for 2 weeks. To date those two weeks were the best two weeks of my life....she was amazing...AMAZING kisser, the best looker, brilliant personality, kind...just EVERYTHING anyone could ever want...she was amazing. A year later about a month before she was coming over to see me.......we broke up....

I think she had pressure on her from her parents...she was maybe confused...maybe i was a little too serious for her...i don't know...but we went on a break for a month...it broke my heart because i knew what was coming next. Sure enough...like i said we broke up. I tried to move on...i changed my lifestyle, got new hobbies, new friends....and I rebounded to some poor girl (call her emily)...we went out for nearly a year.

Anyway....that was an awful relationship...so I broke that one off...and found a girl (we'll call her beth) who i thought was the on i'd been looking for all along......but it seemed from the beginning to the present I have been comparing her to Jade....and whilst its been great with Beth...recently it's been tedious as I have realised underneath I still have loads of feelings for Jade...

I emailed Jade a few weeks ago...we havent spoken for a couple of years! Anyway, she was pleasant enough....as usual! after a few emails she didn't seem to respond and I presumed she either thought it was best not to since i'm still oigng out with beth or she was really busy. ....but i felt so compelled to tell her i still thought the world of her, still most beautiful girl, best kisser, etc etc....

But she was really vague in her emails and I still don't know if she feels the same way because she doesnt want to say because I'm going out with Beth still. I emailed her the other day saying Beth needs me too much for me to break it up but if she (Jade) still felt anything for me we would be throwing away an awful lot....

....well, she hasn't reaplied. The problem isn't really that she's not replied and I can't go out with her....my problem is no girl in the world compares to her. No kiss is ever as good as hers...no one looks anything like as beautiful.... I almost wish i never went out with her...because now I have this feeling that it doesn't matter who i go out with now or spend my life with because they'll all be the same and they won't be like Jade.....

....Beth loves me loads...and i love her cause we spent so much time together....but I don't love her in the way I would love Jade....

I just get this awful feeling like I'm going to have to live the rest of my life wishing I could turn back time to be with Jade....I guess I just want someone to tell me it's not true.....it's been three years....how long will it take....i wanted to marry her.......

...or maybe its the whole forbidden fruit thing, i dont know??! ...but whenever i think of her....when i think about the time we spent together....my heart aches...

Thanks for reading...any comments or 'help' or even someone to relate to would be appreciated.


peace

brokn4alifetime

[Gigabitch]

If I got the most heartfelt, beautiful love letter ever written from a guy who had a girlfriend, I'd probably throw it away.

Jade sounds wonderful- she's probably disgusted by your cheating ass. Get some balls and set Beth free.

Shame on you.

[brokn4alifetime]

open your eyes here...

beth loves me and i love beth....right now beth loves me more than i love her but it's not a problem, our relationship is still great...and she really needs me, she often says so....why would i break beth's heart?? It's not about setting beth free...i tried to break up with her a couple of weeks ago....if anyone should be setting anyone free beth would be setting me free. I actually care so much about beth i'm not going to dump her brutaly....though I know potentially in the long run she could end up being more hurt but i will try for that not to happen...e.g. we will never break up.

I think you missed the point...the point is i know i won't be with Jade, i don't care, i will spend my life being devoted to beth....but i know i will always be missing out on something and that sucks a little...

[anxious]

Hey I been in your situation before, I think you should go see Jade and get every thing sorted out instead of stalling time and wasting time...hmm i think stalling and wasting is the same? well any ways " GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM AND STOP WASTING IN OTHER WORDS STRINING BETH ALOKNG WITH YOU UNSURE MIND ".

[vashti]

Jade has moved on. She isn't interested. The reason you think she was the best thing ever is because she was probably your first love, but she isn't even the same girl anymore.

Beth deserves someone who feels about her the way you feel about Jade. Let her go.

[brokn4alifetime]

thanks for your comments....

Yes, she was my first love.

...i realised last night as i lay in bed what am i thinking!?!?! Beth is an amazing girl...!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have SO SO SO much together and share so many values! I was a fool for thinking about jade...! I have someone who is wonderful...and loves me more than anything!! I don't want to trade that at all!!

So thanks for your comments...its made me really realise how I feel about Beth. I was confused for a little while...and thats why I came on here. Looks like I got it sorted and its exactly what i was hoping for.