I'm not physically attracted to my girlfriend

[jackson25]

I have taken my g/f to the gym and she has made improvements but then she just doesn't really take it any further. Its like if I'm not saying anything about it, then she doesn't feel the need to go. I'm also afraid that I'm just bored and thinking with the other head. If I go out and ravage some other girl I think I will then miss my current g/f. If that makes sense.

By the way, she has weight issues her whole life. There are some deep rooted emotional issues with her weight. Plus shes latin, so I think she is predisposed to putting on weight. Bottom line, I think the spark is just gone. We seem more friends than anything else. But she is incredibly in love with me. I have tried to break up with her, and she lost it. I mean suicidal talk, etc. We since met with a therapist which helped immensly, but there is just something missing. I'm just so afraid to throw away someone like her. She is not your average girl. With the exception of the suicidal talk and being overweight, she is really one the best person I have ever met. It kills me to think of hurting her.

[Gribble]

Do you want to be with her or not? Make up your goddamned mind. If you don't, break it off. If you really think she's going to kill herself arrange an intervention. Have the decency to let her find someone who does want to be with her. Don't beat a dead horse.

[weirdy]

Charlie Boy & Vashti - I never said that it was jacksons fault that she has weight issues. My point was that it is possible to overcome such thing if one makes some major change in life.

jackson25 - she mentioned suicide? Well...that sounds like a serious depression to me. And you say she loves you more than ever? I don't think so. If she does, she wouldn't threaten you like that, imposing a sense of guilt, etc.

[jackson25]

Do you want to be with her or not? Make up your goddamned mind. If you don't, break it off. If you really think she's going to kill herself arrange an intervention. Have the decency to let her find someone who does want to be with her. Don't beat a dead horse.

Thanks for being so incredibly sensative. Your answer was exactly why I joined this forum. It was well thought out as well as thought provoking. I feel like I can take this new knowledge that you have bestowed on to me and conquer the world!!!!

Yea...whatever.

Listen, I know I'm going back and forth but that is exactly why I joined this forum. I want to get other peoples perspective. This is not an easy situation. If she was a bitch or hard person to get along with I would have dumped her along time ago.

[Gribble]

Whatever, man. I'm not Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky PC Cunt. Especially not when I'm dealing with guys like you who think they're doing a good thing by sticking with a woman they don't even want to be with.

My perspective is this: you need to grow up. Here you are prattling on about how great this girl is.... but she's fat and you wanna bang other chicks. Am I right or am I wrong? Is that not what you're saying? Then you go on to say that you don't want to hurt her. Guess what, staying with her because you feel bad is just going to hurt her more in the long run. If you care about her you need to cut her loose. Not drag her along until you finally give in and start sleeping with other women. That's really going to hurt her. You even said that you tried to break it off with her. For Chrissakes, be a man. Don't try, do. Break up with her if that's what you want. Be gentle and consoling, but do it.

[vashti]

I don't think you should stay with her if the only reason you are doing so is so she won't kill herself. I doubt she would, anyway - that is just an attempt at manipulating the situation, more than likely. If you are worried about it, tell her family you are worried about her and why, and then break things off. No girl in her right mind wants her man to stay simply out of pity.

[The Great OV!!!]

I don't understand how anyone can be with someone they are not attracted to. I always figured that the people who I don't find attractive but yet have a BF/GF are likely to be found attractive by them.

[Tiay]

yeah, we don't have any many people here.. in a way. There's not a single one the VisCom department of college. Though there are a lot of a asylum seekers in my local town. We had the first purpose built mosque in Ireland. It's estimated there are 41 different nationalities, and 38% of the inhabitants are non-irish.

anyway, i'm going out on a tangent...
I still say she does want to shape up, just feels like giving up because you've already been doing it as a hobby for years.

[clynn]

I think that it will be really for you to break up with her, of course you love her.

However, it seems quite clear that you're ready to move on.

It will be hard, but it is best for both of you.

(It isn't good for her to be hearing she must lose weight).

Someday, somebody will love all of her - and some men like their women with a little meat on their bones, and others like teeny-tiny girls, etc. She deserves to be with someone who thinks she is sexy - obviously, as you've said, many people think she is beautiful just how she is.

[hanna]

first of all, she deserves someone who loves her just the way she is. and you deserve to be with a person whom you love. a relationship without sex is just friendship. and you are afraid to let her go coz of uncertainty. so you're trying go compromise one of the best and beautiful and importantvthing between two lovers- love making. so please dont be afraid of uncertainty and just go ahead, live your life by trying to make yourself happy...take some 'risks' thats all life is about!! nothing will go wrong.

[thecoach]

better let her go, but don't be totally honest about the reason when you talk to her, it will affect her confidence and self-worth. Be a gentleman and take the blame!

[uri]

first of all, she deserves someone who loves her just the way she is. and you deserve to be with a person whom you love. a relationship without sex is just friendship.

But the desire for sex is more lust and not love and there is a big difference between lust and love. If he wants true love, then he should stay with her.

Sex is lust because you're lusting after the physical appearance of someone alone while true love is more unconditional or unselfish. True love does not expect a lot in return and is really much more like friendship.

That is just my opinion though, someone else may see it differently.