i am so confused.should i walk away?

[freebird81]

i have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years,im from england, hes irish, so we had long distance for a year, then lived together for the last 4.im 25, he is 29.
right from day one i knew he owned his own house,its something he always wanted,he got it when he was 20, worked hard on it,and did everything himself.
ok so heres the problem.
i have to move back to england, its perminant, my son really isnt happy in ireland, and he isnt doing too good at school,so i know i have to do what is best for him..its not just a case of him being unhappy here, his grades are falling all the time,he misses his family,although he gets to see them once per month,and in school holidays.
the problem is, my partner doesnt want to give up his house.we have had many talks about this,and i have felt so much.it feels like he is willing to loose me over bricks and morter,like the last five years didnt even happen,a few months ago we were talking about marriage and the future,now it doesnt look like we have one.
i dont know how to feel, i know he had the house before i met him, i know he worked hard on it and i do understand his reasons for not wanting to loose it,am i evil for even asking him to give everything up to start a new life with me? its just when you compare a house with the relationship we have had it doesnt make sense :-(
people have told me i cant expect him to give his entire life up to be with me, they seem to forget that i did that for him, i lost friends,my home, everything to move over here and i feel like its all been for nothing.
i am telling the truth when i say this is the only problem we have had in five years,thats why it hurts so much,because im going to loose the man that i love when i dont even have to.
i told him to rent the house out,that way we can be together,but he doesnt like that idea as the people who move in might mistreat it,put the idea in his head to just sell it and we buy one together,not an option. does anyone have any ideas or shall i just walk out of his life forever? from a guys perspective does this guy love me or is it some kind of a game?

[Gigabitch]

i told him to rent the house out,that way we can be together,but he doesnt like that idea as the people who move in might mistreat it

Renting it out makes sense to me, but only if he plans on returning someday. How much longer before your son is done with school? Ten years? Twelve? Can you promise to return to Ireland with him then?

[freebird81]

i already said that to him, my son will be 18 in ten years time, i told him if he moves til then we will both come back here after then.

[Gigabitch]

This sounds bad. I think he's just looking for excuses, sadly. If he really wanted to be with you, he'd make it happen. Hard times ahead for you, possibly.

[zro]

complicated situation....probably isnt a clear cut decision, someone has to comprise and it CANT be you, you have to do whats best for your son

From a male's point of view i have to disagree with gigabitch, i dont think he is looking for execuses - he probably doesnt want to tell you straight - that he doesnt want to move and lose everything he has obtained so far, like you said he worked long and hard to obtain that house and get himself settled into a career, to be honest i wouldnt drop everything and move for love/female at anytime, what if it doesnt work out between you two? he would have lost alot with nothing in return (i know you can say that you did the same thing, but in my opinion you were foolish enough to move, he doesnt sound like it)

you could try and maintain a long distance relationship until a solution can be found, as you said it worked for you in the past, and if my geography is correct, ireland and england are real close to each other, he/you could visit frequently, but first and formost you have to look after your son

[vashti]

I seem to remember this problem being posted before. Did you post under another name?

Anyway, I don't blame him for not wanting to leave. He has built his life in Ireland. I don't blame you for leaving. Your first priority is your son. Neither one of you have to be the bad guy in this situation; you simply aren't a match.

[Mel]

Just an idea, but he can rent his house out. Get someone to manage it for him.

[Quiz_Master]

@ mel

I think this is the perfect solution.
When a friend ask me for help I always imagin myself in his position and then tell him what I would have done, If I were in his position.

If I love someone, I will sacrifice everything for her except my computer.
(In your case its house.).

I think you should tell him exactly why you want to move(If u haven't allready done so.). If he understands then he is a perfect match for you, If not then - He is not bad or anything - but you are not meant for each other.

[luvsux]

I agree. Your child has to come first. If he is not seeing that then you aren't meant to be together. You can't compromise your needs/son's needs on this - this is the one time when it has to be your way or no way. Family first.