i like him..but i may be the rebound...

[carbon]

So after all the guessing about this supposed shy guy, the truth has come out. I am hurt, sad, angry and confused. Any advice would be great.

The situation:
I like the guy and the guy likes me. However, he just got out of a long term relationship and is not sure if he wants to start a relationship with me because he is afraid that I would be a rebound. He say he does not want to hurt me but he doesn't want to regret losing me.

The questions:
1. What should I do? I don't want to get into a relationship only to get hurt in the future. I really like this guy and want to make it work, even if that means waiting. I want to tell the him that I would wait for a real relationship, but I don't want him to think that I rejected him, i.e., i honestly want to wait until he sorts out his feelings for his ex, etc.

2. If I somehow get it across to him that I would wait, should I remain friends with him during this time or cut off contact? I feel that if I remain friends with him, then I can at least help him through the breakup. But there are many problems with that scenario since I don't know how much I can realistically remain objective when hearing him speak of his ex, etc. Also, I don't want my feelings to get any deeper if in the end, he decides he cannot get over his ex and needs time to be alone, etc. I cut off contact, and not remain friends, I would miss him dearly. However, I realize that's the easiest thing for me to do, i.e., just move on.

The heart of the matter:
I just want to know if we could ever have a fair chance at a relationship. I myself took years to get over my last ex. If it is not at all possible to give it a fair go in the immediate future, e.g. within 6 months time, then I have to move on, because it will hurt too much.

[clynn]

It isn't the job of the new love to help the guy "work out" problems with his ex. That's for buddies and other support people.

I think that cutting all contact might be a bit severe, however, I think being his crutch would NOT be good for either one of you.

Step back, maybe talk once in a blue moon, you could be the future, but not if you get wrapped up in his past.

In the meantime, he'll probably miss you - and at least you won't feel you're hanging around wondering, "okay, now? " "how about now" "are you ready yet?" "how about now?"

[Gigabitch]

+ 1. I'm in support of Clynn's advice 100%.

[anachronistic]

do exactly what clynn said.

make it known to him that you are still interested and let him come to you when he's ready.

[Mel]

Yeap, I would say so too !

[Love Angel]

Yeap, I would say so too !

[Mel]

Aw, leave me alone, baby doll.

I am trying to find nice people to talk to. All I have found so far is one jackass. LOL

[Love Angel]

no, you are trying to be the copy cat of Martin Riggs in a psycho trip, and it isnt fair for the others. they do not know that you are armed.
With 2 guns.
But I do.

[Love Angel]

only one? i saw plenty, please send me a refereee.

[anachronistic]

what the ****? please refrain from trashing other people's threads.

are you guys going out or something? did a psycho girlfriend google her bf's name and find this website? what the ****?

[vashti]

what the ****? please refrain from trashing other people's threads.

are you guys going out or something? did a psycho girlfriend google her bf's name and find this website? what the ****?

Am I the only person here who thinks they are the same person?

[Mel]

what the ****? please refrain from trashing other people's threads.

are you guys going out or something? did a psycho girlfriend google her bf's name and find this website? what the ****?

I wish I had a dollar for ever time you use the f word. I would buy ya some soap for your mouth and some manners. LOL

[Mel]

Am I the only person here who thinks they are the same person?

I swear to God we are not the same person. I told this girl that I look like a young Mel Gibson once, and now she is hooked on me. LOL

[Love Angel]

what a lie! butgood ones dont fly too close from you!

[Love Angel]

I wish I had a dollar for ever time you use the f word. I would buy ya some soap for your mouth and some manners. LOL

I do agree with the above. have seen too many of that kind around here