Same Issue, New Poster

[Access]

Sometimes people allow others to use their email accounts and information. Perhaps this applies here. Just seems strange that a girl you describe as being decent would be scouring the internet for sex. Most of the people who use sites such as those are either men, nymphos, or glaringly unattractive and despearate women. I have to assume from what you've said that your girlfriend was none of these. Are you in a position where you can still send her an email and ask? Is she in a position where she would respond to you? Seems to me like one of those things I'd want to know.

And I am shaking my fist at you for making me come out of my ghostly trolling mode that I savor so very, very much.

[Ath]

I understand trolling.. and in that.. I truly thank you for coming out to help.

We are still on talking terms, I could email or even call. And it's something I want to know really really bad. But the answer scares the life out of me.

Would the right thing to do be to ask?

[Gribble]

Well, the only downside I see to asking is she may feel you've betrayed her trust. Seeing as how she GREATLY betrayed yours, I don't think that needs to be taken into consideration. I would ask her, if for nothing else to satiate your curiosity.

[Access]

Well? Did you ask?

[Only-virgins]

Piece of crap world of war craft let that piece of gay game go. There are much better games like Supreme Commander...and they don't eat your life

[Gigabitch]

Ath, she left that on your laptop on purpose.

She didn't run out of there with a hastily packed bag and panic at her heels- she lived there for weeks without you and carefully packed her things. She had all the time in the world to delete her e-mail account off of your laptop. She chose not to.

[Ath]

O.V., I have Supreme Commander but I don't have any PC's able to run it at a playable Frame Rate. I haven't touched a game in getting close to 4 weeks.

I did call her once last night. I didn't get ahold of her. Thats the only attempt at contact since she left. I've never known her as evil. I don't think she would sign up for things like that with the sole intent of hurting me.

I'm not a bad guy

I loved her, I never lied or cheated. I stayed with her through all of her tough times. If I had a problem, I would communicate. When I had a tough time (ala WoW), I got lied to, cheated on, and abandoned. And yet, I still love her more than anything.

I'm not perfect, I made mistakes. But I feel like she's throwing me away like I'm garbage

I feel like I've lost 40% of my living years. I just don't understand, why she couldn't say.. "I'm not happy, you're not giving me the things I need, I'm starting to fall out of love, and thinking about other people."

If anyone thinks for one second that I wouldn't snap out of my phase, they're crazy. The only brightside out of this is I'm getting a lot of things in order priority wise. Life is looking up, but without her to share it with

Should I be trying to contact her?

[Kristin258]

Wow. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Truly.

Just out of curiosity, was she a very selfish person? You said you paid for every bill including her car payment. I'm young and don't know about whether this is normal in a living-together-but-not-married type of relationship, so this may not hold any merit if it's typical. Did she do things for you? Like how you paid her bills, did she perhaps keep the apt. clean or bring you gifts home... I don't know... just something to purely express the love she had for you in a selfless manner? The way she reacted- how she hasn't attempted to contact you and is interested in other guys- seems so contradictory to a person that truly loved someone else, that cared more about another person than herself, even despite the past year.

Like I said though, I'm young and haven't had much experience with any kind of relationship like this, so anything I say very well could be way off.

[Ath]

Hi Kristin, thanks for posting. Eveyone who posts makes me feel a little bit better.

Well, she kept the place clean. I'm not a slob by any means but she definately did more than just her share of the cleaning. She did the dishes and laundry as well. I never asked her to but it was just something she did. She was only working part time. No gifts really, but that would never be required or expected. And no, she hasn't attempted to contact me at all.

I wouldn't feel right sitting here trashing her, but she has always been emotionally high-maintenance. Selfish, maybe, but I loved even her faults.

As for if it's normal to pay for everything, I don't know. I just know that it made me happy to be able to do those things. Money was tight though, we both have expensive tastes. I could pay for the Apartment, Utilities, Car Payments, food, etc.. but there wasn't a lot left over, as I'm still in the first year of an entry level job (it is a Fortune 100 company though).

Hell, I'm just lost. Her actions make me question whether or not she ever loved me at all, and I truly believed she did. I waited 4 years to marry because I wanted to be sure. Was even going to propose this June. And in the blink of an eye (at least for me), my heart is ripped from my chest.

Are all relationships like this?

[Gigabitch]

A lot of them, yes.

Here's the thing about "I've changed", Ath. We've all heard it before. I have been through a couple of guys who went through their "phase" while they were with me. I was an Everquest widow for four years. I've been involved with two alcoholics. I've reached the point where I'm no longer willing to accept anyone who needs to change because I don't trust that the change is permanent.

My point is, you may never get her back because the change happened when she left. What evidence does she have that you wouldn't slip right back into some other avoidance behavior if she took you back?

And her leaving that stuff on your computer doesn't necessarily mean she never loved you (where are you pulling that crap from anyway- stop it). It just means she was angry.

[Ath]

It's not that I've changed. It's more like woke up.

What evidence does she have? None, she left.

Yes, the change happened when she left. It would have happened much sooner if the problem was communicated. She never told me Her friends (who I share) never told me

Giga, I know I'm not innocent. I never once claimed to be. But tell me, if you loved someone and there was a problem, would you communicate this to them?

..............................................

I've tried to be accurate in my depiction of the situation so others could know and possibly give better advice. Maybe I went overboard on myself. It was not Avoidance Behavior. I didn't play that thing 24/7. We went out to eat (nice places fairly often), watched movies, etc. I did play a lot of that game too, but she played it as well.

And I didn't come around when she left! I woke up 2 months prior to her leaving and got the cold shoulder for 2 months. Trying everyday since then to spend time with her.

The stuff about her not loving me had nothing to do with anything she left on my laptop, Giga, it came from all her actions going back to the beginning.

I'm burning...

[Ath]

Well, now I know what it's like to be cut from someone's life like cancer. No calls, no emails, nothing. Ten years... gone.

[Gigabitch]

Ath, has it ever occured to you that this might have been for the best? You can't know what the future will bring, but maybe you could hope for something good. I don't want you to be burning!

A long time ago, Vashti posted a very wise thing, and that was that women leave relationships in their hearts and minds long before they walk out the door. We like to be sure. This is why we put up with crap (see nebulachic's posts for many examples) for what seems like forever. The point is, by the time you made your big change, it was already too late.

I'm sure there's a lesson there that others could benefit from. I'm hoping you can identify some Early Warning Signs to tell other guys about, or maybe just some hard-gained wisdom to share.

Or maybe not. Maybe it just sucks and she left you. I don't know if this will help, but you still have you, and I think you're pretty good, with potential for being great. It's going to take you a long time to get over her, but you will. Someday you'll move on, and you'll be a lot wiser for those ten years, even though right now it looks like they were just a waste.

I'm not sure there is any such thing as a waste.

[Ath]

Thanks Giga, I really do appreciate all your advice. The world needs more people like you. I mean that I can see that I'm getting over her.. it gets a little easier everyday. At least the nasea is gone I think. It's just that I miss that person I fell in love with.. I don't fall in love easily

She was my best friend long before anything else developed. I'm not the type who believes in "love at first sight." Love for me builds over time.. and seems to have no limit to its growth. Maybe that's the problem. It would have been one thing for her to say "I just want to move on" but entirely another when she hurt me even on the deepest level by lying and cheating

Today I was having a decent day when out of the blue... she calls me at work. But the reason for the call was simply asking why the lights didn't work in my apartment, while she was carting more stuff away. To sum that up.. I cut off the breakers to the whole place some weeks ago. If I can't stay there (emotionally), why pay a huge power bill.. right? That apartment is just one expensive storage building now. The one thing I noticed above all in the short conversation, was no sense of loss. Kinda made me sad. I feel like I lost the world, and she has no idea what I'm going through.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a new hobby? I've been an avid gamer (to the core) my entire life. But I enjoy little of it now, save the music, because it's now associated with her

I'm trying to move on... I swear I'm trying. But I have lots more love to kill before I can do that

[anachronistic]

I'm glad to see you're moving on

I'm going through the same struggles with my last lover.. it's tough to get over people.. for me it's been a few months.

there is times when i am happy, and then times when i'm sad... i'll be thinking about her, and the whole day goes wrong and i just start crying. my solution is making a 2d rpg. whenever something goes wrong, i let my emotion go to game building. i create things that i want to happen in real life, my life is the way i want it to be in the game... not only that, but my personality is the breath of several characters!