Same Issue, New Poster

[Ath]

To start this out.. I just wanted to say bear with me. My thoughts tend to jump from point to point. There's much in my head/heart and I'm not known for any writing prowess.

The Short Version:

My G/F of 4 years recently left me, and I'm devastated.


The Detailed Version:

My best friend for the past decade, the love of my life for the last four years, told me nearly two weeks ago that I had slowly killed her love over the past year.

I'm 26, she's 24. We are both college grads with crappy jobs (Really Crappy). During the first three years of our relationship, we were both really happy. We both settled down from partying and were starting a new life in a nice apartment. She wanted marraige for a long time. I wasn't ready for that until recently. To my knowledge, neither of us has ever cheated on each other. It truly was, perfection in my eyes.

In the fourth year, we decided to move in togther. Money was semi-tight so I took up a hobby that I've come to despise today. I played World of Warcraft. We both did. It was THE hobby, as it only cost us $30 per month. One of the problems was our play style differed. She played casually, and I was into hard-core raiding. I wanted to be the best.. and in my negligence, I didn't realise that I spent a better part of that year completely immersed to the point that I didn't even spend much time with the one I loved. I don't blame the game, I blame myself. We also worked different hours. She typically worked first shift, I worked Second. So that didn't help any.

I made a little more money than her.. but thats just luck of the draw as her grades and (probably) general intelligence were/are higher than my own. As it stood, I had no problem paying for every bill that arrived including her car payment.

Money was always an issue. She wanted to go to Grad School badly. I could never afford to send her at the moment, so I asked her to wait until we could afford it. This is probably a fine time to mention she has a child, an 8 year old.

Roughly two months ago, I realised that I was spending far too much time immersed in my hobby, so I eased back on it to a great extent. I started trying to taker her out and spend time with her. Much to my dismay, I was greeted with the cold shoulder. For two months, I tried daily to make our lives like they used to be. Then two weeks ago, I come home and ask her if we can talk, I wanted to fix that rift that I had put between us. She informs me it's too late and she's leaving.

Now I'm new to this kind of thing, I've been in love once in my life, and it's to this person. I never knew that she was so unhappy over the past year that she would choose to leave. This is perhaps due to my own sense of being oblivious.

She says she wants a new life, and that I slowly killed her love for me. I would give my own life for hers. She gives me a list of things I did to slowly kill her love. So I take this to memory and I've become a new person. I'll always make mistakes, but I'll do my best not to make the same ones ever again.

There's probably enough in my heart to write a dissertation, but I'm probably boring any potential readers enough. All I know is that the person I love more than anything else in the world, doesn't love me anymore, and I don't know what to do. I've read and been told to move on, and to not give up. She's still in our apartment and I'm staying with family because it hurts too much to be there. She's leaving the state to go live with her mother but I told her she's got free reign of the apartment for however long she needs it.

I'm not sure what type of response I'm looking for here. I suppose any response is good response. Thanks to any and all who took the time to read this. I never even knew this place existed. Thanks everyone.

-Ath

(and I did my best to avoid a Wall-of-Text)

[Gribble]

Nothing wrong with a wall of text when you can actually write.

Afraid I don't have any advice. However, I read your entire post and I feel for you. That's quite a bit coming from me, believe it or not. Whatever happens you'll get through it eventually and you'll be a better man for it.

[Junket]

The Short Version:

My G/F of 4 years recently left me, and I'm devastated.

That was beautiful.

[anachronistic]

well atleast you learned your lesson that world of warcraft can build walls.

just recently a well respected member here lost friends because of WoW.

was the child yours? if not, well maybe it's best to find a girl without any children.

[Ath]

No the child isn't mine.. but I've been there since birth.

Lessens learned indeed. I just had my priorites way out of whack for the last year. It hurts to no end because our relationship is now defined by a phase or period of time and not as a whole. Although she says I killed any love she had for me, I still have all of mine and then some. Anyone here think there's any hope of making things right?

I'de give up anything in the world, to go back in time one year and avoid the mistakes I made.

[anachronistic]

No the child isn't mine.. but I've been there since birth.

Lessens learned indeed. I just had my priorites way out of whack for the last year. It hurts to no end because our relationship is now defined by a phase or period of time and not as a whole. Although she says I killed any love she had for me, I still have all of mine and then some. Anyone here think there's any hope of making things right?

I'de give up anything in the world, to go back in time one year and avoid the mistakes I made.

i personally think that she broke up to see if you'd stop doing it for her. you gotta prove to her that she is your number 1 priority. there is always hope.

[Ath]

We had lunch today at a local restaraunt. She cried and said she's confused. She told me she had lied to me about spending a weekend with her mother a short time back. She had gone to meet a guy friend from WoW while he was in Florida, roughly a state away from where we are now. She told me she slept with him, and I felt a pain I didn't even know existed. Moments later she said that she really didn't sleep with him and she just wanted me to make it easier to leave.
I don't have trust issues, I believed her. And the scary part is I didn't care about this other guy. Whether it happened or not didn't matter, I still loved her more than ever.

As of today, our apartment is clean of much of her stuff. She's leaving tonight. I want nothing more than a second chance to prove that the person who killed her love is dead and gone; and I know many people never get that chance.

What would it take? This is the person I want to spend my entire existence making happy. What should I do to accomplish this? Thanks for the reply's so far. Everyone's opinion really means a lot to me. Thanks.

-Ath

[Gribble]

I think it's a little late for that now, bud. Sorry.

[Gigabitch]

Ouch.

It's pretty much out of your hands now. If I were you, I'd try to use this as an opportunity to make any changes in your life you've been wanting to make, as upheaval can be very helpful with that.

I think she's actually going to miss you a lot. Four years is a long time to spend with someone, and it's going to be hard for her to make it without you. Hard on her kid, too. Why don't you try to make your life into the life you wanted with her, where she's the only thing missing. Maybe she'll come back to you. Maybe she won't, and you'll eventually find someone else that you'll be ready for.

Just don't go all emotionally autistic now and throw yourself back into WoW because you feel you've nothing better to do. That's not attractive to her or anybody.

[anachronistic]

We had lunch today at a local restaraunt. She cried and said she's confused. She told me she had lied to me about spending a weekend with her mother a short time back. She had gone to meet a guy friend from WoW while he was in Florida, roughly a state away from where we are now. She told me she slept with him, and I felt a pain I didn't even know existed. Moments later she said that she really didn't sleep with him and she just wanted me to make it easier to leave.
I don't have trust issues, I believed her. And the scary part is I didn't care about this other guy. Whether it happened or not didn't matter, I still loved her more than ever.

As of today, our apartment is clean of much of her stuff. She's leaving tonight. I want nothing more than a second chance to prove that the person who killed her love is dead and gone; and I know many people never get that chance.

What would it take? This is the person I want to spend my entire existence making happy. What should I do to accomplish this? Thanks for the reply's so far. Everyone's opinion really means a lot to me. Thanks.

-Ath

it takes your heart. you won't forget about her, but she just ruined it for herself.

you ARE a nice guy. don't put yourself down. sure, you were addicted to WoW but she lied to you and practically cheated on you. that's the lowest thing ANYONE can do in a relationship.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.

[Ath]

Good advice. Trust me.. I've given up WoW completely. I want nothing to do with it.

As for emotionally autistic (good choice of words btw ), I like to think I'm not the type. I've killed off most of my bad habits (save smoking.. yeah I know), I talked with my employer and family about a career change, and sent for Grad School information for myself.

Started reading again, for a purpose I might add. I started getting up early and that's one hell of a change for me (due to 2nd shift). Almost everything in my life has improved.

Becasue I'm such a sap, I took some time off work this afternoon to go see her off before she left. I met with some unkind truths. Apparantly, there was more to just a meeting with this guy from WoW (and I know everyone sees where I'm going with this). Said she couldn't stand hiding what she did so the truth flowed.

I asked her if she had feelings for him, she said yes, but that it would never work, as he lives in another country and was only in the states on business.

It didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. Through all of this, I'd be willing to forgive. Maybe that's what love is.. but what do I know

Oh, and thank all of you for the words of wisdom and advice. Keep em coming if you have time! I've done a ton of forum browsing here lately, and I noticed some big names chiming in and I really do appreciate it.

-Ath

[anachronistic]

It's too nice of you to have gone and see her off. It's a good thing to forgive her, but you know, you'll never really be able to trust her again.

Well I'm glad you're going to grad school! What for?

[Ath]

2 BA's in Criminology and Psychology from Auburn University. Considering that I don't do anything with either one, I'm thinking about a MSc Information Technology (Conversion).

And yes.. I've thought about the trust thing.. I'm not sure where I stand on it at the moment.

[anachronistic]

well you said 'she can't be with him anyways because he's from another country'

you know she shouldn't want to be with him in the first place. it should've never happened if she truly still loved you. even if she says she loves you, love don't just bounce around like that. it's hard to let go, but you really should. life would be better.

[Ath]

I'm trying....