Men and respect

[Kristin258]

I recently read in a book that what men desire more than love is respect from their spouse/girlfriend. Not that they don't want love, but rather if they had to choose from the two, they'd choose respect. They spouted off some statistic stating that 85% of men would rather have a wife respect and not love them instead of love and not respect them. Just curious, males- is this true?

[Gribble]

How can you love but not respect? That confuses me a little.

I guess I'd choose respect, too. I don't want my woman thinking I'm a piece of shit. But to be honest, I don't really like the idea of being loved. Period. I may not be a good representative of my sex.

[Junket]

There is no "rather".

Either you love and respect me, or you don't.

I will not settle for one over the other.

[Vain]

Love requires respect.

[nickyb313]

i just broke up with my gf of 2 years over this very issue. She loved me but didn't repect me. I would rather have respect. Respect takes on many different levels though. Guys: what if your girlfriend didn't give a shit about your opinions and when it came down it hers always superceeded yours? I choose respect over love. I would have thought differently two years ago, but now respect is an absolute deal breaker!

[zro]

i think it would vary from male to male, but also cultures have an effect, generally european/ western culture seem to have little respect, while the middle eastern and asian culture, repsect is very important.

for me personally respect is VERY important ( i was raised in Kuwait - middle east) it was always a foundation of my personality, if i dont respect you - chances are not only will i not talk to you, but chances are if you are male there is going to be a problem, i think females dont have the same understanding of respect as guys do, to me anyway respect is the not the same thing as love/like, respect is always standing up for yourself, regardless of the consequences, sticking to your morals despite of social or peer pressure, respect is doing what you want, when you want, how you want and to whoever you want, regardless of what other people think.

from a relationship point of view (i am not very experienced in long trem relationships), i would think that if my partner does not respect me, that would be a deal breaker, i would definetely break it off, if i did not repsect her, i doubt i would be even be able to **** her

[CAM]

Love requires respect.

So true.

Also, men require space...aka, "leave me alone" time...when we don't get that, then we feel like were drowning.

[Junket]

i think it would vary from male to male, but also cultures have an effect, generally european/ western culture seem to have little respect, while the middle eastern and asian culture, repsect is very important.

I don't see how you came to that conclusion.

I don't think it's a matter of "more" or "less" respect, but rather types of respect.

I know that in some cultures, fear, and near complete submission is considered respect, while anything less would be considered "disrespect". That does not imply that respect is any more or less important between cultures. I would state that in Western culture, mutual respect is more important.

[zro]

I came to that conclusion because i lived in the east and the west and that's my opinion

From my point of view, there is no diffrent types of respect, just different levels, fear and submission is not respect - thats weakness, read my post thats exactly the opposite of what i was saying.

for example in the west there is little consideration for values and morality - concentrating more on vanity and looks, compare the teenage preganacy rates between the east and the west, compare the drug addiction rates, compare the divorce rates, compare the suicide rates - anyone who says that there is more respect in the west, needs to travel east and take a look for himself/herself, respect is a way of living over there, in the west its just a word with little meaning

[Junket]

respect is a way of living over there, in the west its just a word with little meaning

I cannot believe you've extensively lived anywhere in the "West".

If you did, you would know areas therein are drastically different in terms of culture.

respect is doing what you want, when you want, how you want and to whoever you want, regardless of what other people think.

You clearly have a different view on respect if you think acting in such a self serving way is moral.

[lovesjoyajm]

I think of respect in two ways. One is the way you treat someone, and one is the way you see them/feel about them. For example, when someone says "I have a lot of respect for this politician/activist/public servant/celebrity" it usually means that you think they're doing something worthwhile, you look up to them, admire them. That's different than simply treating someone with respect, regardless of how you feel about them. I try to treat people respectfully even if I don't particularly like them, for example.

So is the question whether you want someone who treats you respectfully, or someone who has great respect (admiration) for you?

[zro]

Frasbee, I lived in Kuwait till i was 13, then moved to NZ and now live in Australia, I am now 22, so that's 9 years i have been living in a western culture, i think that's enough time for me to lay judgment, and there is real "respect" over here in the west, but unfortunately it is restricted to the ethnic groups living over here - and dont tell me i have dont know white people, i have been living amongst them for nearly 10 years now

I didnt say the above in a self serving manner, what i meant that you do not comprise yourself to meet other people's standards or to achieve some sort of status, you dont change your behaviour or alter your morals to meet social standings, simple example: look at fashion, people (both male and female) look to magazines and celebrities to find out whats "cool", you pull that shit back in kuwait and you would gladly get a ****ing beating and never get an ounce of respect, you do that over here - you are considered "cool or hip" why??? you let some dumb mother****er influence your stupid ass - as i said before submission is not respect its weakness, hope its clear now frasbee

[Junket]

Frasbee, I lived in Kuwait till i was 13, then moved to NZ and now live in Australia, I am now 22, so that's 9 years i have been living in a western culture, i think that's enough time for me to lay judgment, and there is real "respect" over here in the west, but unfortunately it is restricted to the ethnic groups living over here - and dont tell me i have dont know white people, i have been living amongst them for nearly 10 years now

I didnt say the above in a self serving manner, what i meant that you do not comprise yourself to meet other people's standards or to achieve some sort of status, you dont change your behaviour or alter your morals to meet social standings, simple example: look at fashion, people (both male and female) look to magazines and celebrities to find out whats "cool", you pull that shit back in kuwait and you would gladly get a ****ing beating and never get an ounce of respect, you do that over here - you are considered "cool or hip" why??? you let some dumb mother****er influence your stupid ass - as i said before submission is not respect its weakness, hope its clear now frasbee

Who said anything about white people?

Anyway, explain to me this...an individual conforms to a new "fashion" or "style", they get their "ass beat". Why? Because they strayed from conforming to local norms?

What you've presented to me so far is that "respect" is about doing your own thing. This ideology is strikingly similar to being a "punk". Which is an anti-social subculture. However, once again the greatest flaw in this ideal is that one must conform to a non-conformist attitude.

Tell me friend, what kind of clothes do you wear when you're at work? And what do you wear when you go out? What kind of music do you listen to? Did you ever look up to anybody when you were younger?

It also sounds to me you think a lot more people idolize those magazines and tv shows than they really do. Most Americans (the ones you don't see) are middle, working class. Yet it's small percentage of prissy, privileged ****s that get all the media attention.

[Kristin258]

I think of respect in two ways. One is the way you treat someone, and one is the way you see them/feel about them. For example, when someone says "I have a lot of respect for this politician/activist/public servant/celebrity" it usually means that you think they're doing something worthwhile, you look up to them, admire them. That's different than simply treating someone with respect, regardless of how you feel about them. I try to treat people respectfully even if I don't particularly like them, for example.

So is the question whether you want someone who treats you respectfully, or someone who has great respect (admiration) for you?

That was actually part of my question I forgot to include. What exactly entitles respect? The way the book made it sound, it is as if the writer thinks many wives don't respect their husbands, and that this is a major part of martial problems. Which led me to wonder how does a wife know she is disrespecting her husband (besides in obvious cases)? What exactly is respect to you guys? Do you wish for respect from your wife to go any deeper than her having some level of respect for a random person? If so, give some examples of what that would be.

[Kristin258]

I didnt say the above in a self serving manner, what i meant that you do not comprise yourself to meet other people's standards or to achieve some sort of status, you dont change your behaviour or alter your morals to meet social standings, simple example: look at fashion, people (both male and female) look to magazines and celebrities to find out whats "cool", you pull that shit back in kuwait and you would gladly get a ****ing beating and never get an ounce of respect, you do that over here - you are considered "cool or hip" why??? you let some dumb mother****er influence your stupid ass - as i said before submission is not respect its weakness, hope its clear now frasbee

Many Westerners would actually agree that those people aren't highly respected in our culture. You're taking a small percentage of the Western population and assuming it's how we all are. What you see in the media certainly does not encompass our entire society.

I won't disagree that people who look up to movie stars obsessively are a little ridiculous, but that's their choice and I'm willing to let them do their own thing. To me, that is respecting them. Not "getting a ****ing beating" for their insecurities.

Also, I don't think blind conformists are submitting to anything. That would mean they were forcing themselves to do something they don't really wish to do. I'm pretty sure it's completely their choice to follow the media like a god.