Two questions...

[hermionegranger]

Hello! I'm a 19-year-old girl and...

I am currently very confused...

My first "problem":
About a year ago I fell in love with a guy I thought was PERFECT. Back then he had a girlfriend, so I stood back and just waited for my time to come. We were good friends with the guy back then already, so... the waiting was sort of... good and bad at the same time, if you know what I mean. He and his girlfriend broke up last fall because they didn't share any similar interests. I have to admit - I was pretty happy about it, because... I thought now I could show him how perfect we'd be together and... slowly move in to his heart. We started going to the theater and concerts together... as friends of course. We spent a lot of time together actually. And every time we had loads of fun. We both like eachothers company. The thing is - I haven't figured out whether he is interested in me as a girl or not?! He invites me to different places, there's hardly a week we don't see eachother (we live in different cities), sometimes he touches me causelessly, he has said compliments to me (not the way I look though, but... compliments about my singing or jokes or good ideas, but also my perfume and things like that), he cares about my opinion in different dilemmas etc etc. Is that a sign that he... only thinks of me as a friend? About 2 months ago I was more certain, that these are all signs of strong friendship, but... right now I don't know anymore. It seems a little bit different... But I'm afraid to ask, because I don't want to ruin our relationship.

My second "problem":
Since I've had a huge crush on the guy in my first problem - let's call him A - I've always thought of him as someone really perfect. And more then 2 months ago he actually seemed perfect. Now I'm not that sure anymore. Sometimes I've had the chance to see his arrogant side and... he's a little vain and irreverent and... I don't know... it seems to me that in a girlfriend he's looking for... more outer-beauty than inner-beauty. And when I started to realize it, I suggested myself to look for a better guy. And so I even did a little. I sort of rediscovered an acquaintance from my high school - let's call him B. We had been flirting with B a little back in high school and when we met again 2 weeks ago, it seemed he still was interested of having me as a girlfriend. We've been chatting a lot during the last 2 weeks and... I really like him. I liked him back then and I like him still. I know that B is not perfect and I have never expected that from him, but I sort of know... or at least I imagine, that I'd be more happy with B. So the "problem" no 2 is - if A finally has realised, that I'm the one for him and lets me know and at the same time I know that B would probably be better for me than A, should I still go for A or should I choose B? I've been waiting for A for a very long time and... to think that I just... waisted that time..., but then again... the more I get to know A the more I see, that he is not as perfect as a saw him to be at first. Maybe I should not choose neither of them? I do like both of them, but... I don't know...

I feel the need to point out, that... I'm not desperately looking for a boyfriend. I've been single for over a year now and I'm not complaining. It has its assets. I just like both of the guys and... something inside me tells me that now would be a very good time to reconnect with someone again - I'm ready for a new relationship and two good guys are there for me to choose... Then again... a month ago I made myself a promise that I'd stay away from guys 'til the end of the year and if A would let me know before the end of the year that he liked me more than a friend, I'd make an exception for him... Maybe I should stick to that promise, but then again... as I pointed out before - I'm not sure anymore whether A is really the one who's worth waiting for.

My story was probably very confusing and a big mess, but I hope you understood at least some of it and could give me a little advice...

[vashti]

Why do you need to choose? Can't you date them both casually until more significant feelings for one or the other develop?

[naoki322]

you should bust a mandy moore in "because i said so" and then decide, just dont bang them both at the same time.

[hermionegranger]

I definetly do not want to go out with the both of them at the same time. Then one of them would definetly get hurt, if not both of them...

Could it be possible, that A actually has feelings for me, but has not realised it yet? I mean... we talk almost every day and we see each other often. Maybe if I "wouldn't be available to communicate with him" for some time, he'd start to miss me... and he'd understand he has feelings for me? How does that sound? I mean... we had a great chat today on MSN, we both laughed like nuts... I know he likes me as a person. I'm always there... Maybe if I would be "away" for a week or two from his life, he'd finally get it?

[DarkDwarf]

At least you spaced out the two problems.. Most people just make it one mess.

Here is my advice:

Ask 'A' if he wants to be with you, if he does, I would give him a chance, as you may not have another. If 'B' really likes you, he will wait. If he doesn't, then he's not right for you. If he does, then after you break up with 'A', if you do, he will be there for you.

You are going to need to choose between them. If you are lucky, you get to try both.

I must say, there's no such thing as perfect, as much as we think there is.

[DoesntMatter]

Sup hermoine,
You seem like a nice girl, let me try to give you *a* male's perspective.

It is definitely possible that A likes you. As in, that special type of like. Even if he doesn't compliment your looks. He can still think you are gorgeous without having told you.
It is also definitely possible that he hasn't really realized how much he likes you. I'm so glad that you recognize that!!

Some guys don't experience that love at first sight thing, or immediately take to liking a girl within a short period of time.

If I had to guess, I would say that A likes you. As in really likes you. His complimenting your singing/jokes/perfume, and valuing your opinion, is his way of trying to make you feel special. From your description it sounds genuine.

On this post I'm really talking from experience. I have known this girl in high school for 2 years. About 6 months - 1 year after knowing her, I started having feelings for her, AFTER I had conversations with her, talked to her, and learned more about her. My like for her just grew, and I did things so similar to what A did, which was trying to make her feel special (because she IS). I loved hearing her opinion! But I also didn't compliment her physical appearance, despite the fact that she was so pretty. This was maybe because she had been with several older guys (early 20s) while both her and I were 16 - 18, so I knew I didn't have a chance. I still like her so much, but am trying to change it so that I like her as a friend and not on such a deep level.

If you like A, you need to try to break into a more romantic relationship I think. No idea how this is done, sorry, ask some other member. But this guy really does like you.

You sound like such a nice girl, good luck!!!!!!!!

[DarkDwarf]

DoesntMatter gives good advice.

[misombra]

i would say just be friends with both of them until you decide. at some point one person will have to go, it's better to know as much as you can about them now and find out what's "not so perfect" about B. it might turn out neither of them are perfect and that is okay. just let them go. you're really young and you should take your time to find somebody that is really good for you. guys your age, as everybody in this forum has agreed, are only good as poolboys, and are not to be dated.

[DoesntMatter]

DoesntMatter gives good advice.

I sense sarcasm. I post questions on this forum, the least I can do to contribute is try and give advice where I might be able to.

[DarkDwarf]

No sarcasm. I thought it was seriously good advice. I don't do sarcasm when people need help. XD

[DarkDwarf]

I personally believe that since all the good people here give me advice, I should give some back to them, and others that need help. I honestly though that that was good advice.

[Tigger_]

That was like reading a math question...

i dont think anyone is perfect... if you spend enough time with anyone, you can always find out the good and the bad about them...

I think A treats you as a friend and a friend only... or else he wouldve asked you out by now...

[hermionegranger]

Thanks to everybody for their advice...

DoesntMatter
If I had to guess, I would say that A likes you. As in really likes you. His complimenting your singing/jokes/perfume, and valuing your opinion, is his way of trying to make you feel special. From your description it sounds genuine.

If you like A, you need to try to break into a more romantic relationship I think. No idea how this is done, sorry, ask some other member. But this guy really does like you.

You sound like such a nice girl, good luck!!!!!!!!

1. His compliments are genuine, but... he's the kind of guy, who likes making compliments and... he makes compliments to a lot of people. I forgot to mention that. Tho' he is complimenting me more than usual, I'd say..., but Im not THAT sure...

2. I'd really like to break into a more romantic relationship, but... I don't think that's possible. I'm just too afraid to ruin it all...

3. Thanks for the good luck.

Tigger_
I think A treats you as a friend and a friend only... or else he wouldve asked you out by now...

The thing is - he has asked me out. He has invited me to go to a concert with him, i.e. when his dad couldn't go to one concert with him, he sort of... offered the ticket to me... and we went together. Does that classify as "asking me out"?

That was like reading a math question

Maybe my problem is that I'm thinking to much instead of listening to my heart? Too much analysing instead of following my heart and feelings?

[hermionegranger]

there has been a development...

Yesterday I had a longer talk with A. He's in a desperate need for a change in his life. He feels like his having a burden on his shoulders. The main thing is - he wants to cut his hair short. He feels that when he cuts his hair, the burden would disappear. He actually wanted to do it 2 months ago already, but... I told him not to... so he's having second thoughts. And yesterday he told me:

"You're the biggest key. If you hadn't told me not to cut my hair, I think I would have done it already. I don't know why. Maybe because you're an extremely cool person. You're words matter."

I was speechless. I just told him it was a sweet thing to say.

Later on I told him that maybe cutting hair is not the only solution to get rid of the burden. Maybe there are other things he needs to do and cutting hair would only give him a temporary satisfaction. So I offered him other solutions: maybe he should choose different sports to do, maybe he should express himself with music, write a song for example (he is a musical person), maybe he should change his clothing style... none of them seemed to be the right solutions to him. So finally I said: "Maybe you should find yourself a girlfriend?"
And he said: "No, I'm not interested in having a girlfriend right now. I don't have the time for that. I want to develop myself..."

So... he doesn't want a girlfriend. And I'm tired of waiting him... I'm going out with B on Wednesday and... see where that takes me.

[Miss hotty]

aaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww god that turned out really well good for you