So, here's one for ya

[CAM]

Some background on me and dating...well, let's see...the family looks at all single eligible women as the enemy. Women (particularly Anglo-Saxon types) are not be trusted. I should only look for a nice woman to be my friend or companion, but don't marry her and for god's sake, don't have kids with her. And sex? Well, avoid that because she'll use it against you. She'll screw up your life, I'm told.

I admit that most of my experiences with women...I've held them emotionally at arm's length at all times. I never open up about family because if it got back to my family somehow, they'd be infuriated. I play up the romance just to avoid discussions about anything I'm feeling or anything of any consequence about the past. Oddly enough, sex is a great way to keep someone emotionally at a distance.

If I do open up to a woman about anything, strangely she thinks that I'm getting closer to her....Actually, I've in essence signed off on the relationship at that moment because I can no longer have her around as a liability. Fortunately, the world is big enough, one can easily break all contact and never see the person again.

I think that some of this is over the top, but is so deeply ingrained that it is almost impossible to unsnarl. Only once, did I not hold a woman at arms length. Notably, some of the distrust is actually something I hear other guys saying, too. Guys will also tell me that their families tell them not to trust too much.

My best relationships with women--just email contact. One woman I know prefers to have me just email her--she asks advice about how to deal with her boyfriend.

If you saw me at the gym, you wouldn't believe this to be my reality; you'd think that this guy is getting "it" all the time.

So, your thoughts? Unusual circumstance or more typical than I had thought.

[Ephemeral Dream]

I believe it's not so typical.

How old are you? While you should respect your family's opinion, I don't think you should let it rule your dating scene.

What do you mean by "If you saw me at the gym, you wouldn't believe this to be my reality; you'd think that this guy is getting "it" all the time."? Do you mean you're good looking and/or in good shape? If so, why aren't you "getting it all the time"? Are you biased on your family's opinion? Or why is it?

[CAM]

38 y/o

Yes, in good physical shape

[Ephemeral Dream]

What is keeping you from getting involved with women?

[Ath]

Only once, did I not hold a woman at arms length.

Cam, I'm only 26, but this sentence really stuck out at me. Is it safe for me to assume that this one person meant something extra special and she (or yourself) caused some issue which resulted in the end of that relationship? Perhaps that's still causing an adverse effect on the present.

I'm totally on a limb here.. but you may want to take a look at that point in your life and see if you can deduce something. I know from your other posts you're intelligent.

As I stated above, I'm only 26 and probably have no right to give advice, but I hope it all works out for you. You're not old yet.

-Ath

[zro]

i dont really know what you are trying to say, do you want a relationship or not???

agree with dream, your family should not rule your relationships - but sometimes it is easier for someone to notice something when they are looking at it from a 3rd perspective, dont always listen to your family but maybe their advice has a point

if i were you i would cut all communication with females who are not potential mates, whats the point in wasting your time and effort?? if she wants advice on her boyfriend, let her use her own ****ing brain

in my experience (which is limited compared to you, i am 23) women are alot more shallower than men and dont posses the same ability to think deep, dont open up, let her talk about herself

dont know if i really added or answered your question, as i said i didnt fully ****ing understand your point

[Gigabitch]

Oddly enough, sex is a great way to keep someone emotionally at a distance.

I've done this before, also; the romantic bait & switch. It's such bullshit, too, because you can find yourself really involved with someone and thinking, "This person doesn't even know me."

Total waste of time.

I can't remember, but I'm thinking you're an only child. You place so much importance on family, CAM, and it seems like you're the sole representative of your generation. What are you going to do when these people grow old and die? If you can't open yourself romantically, have you thought about approaching it logically?

I believe that you could easily get "it" if you wanted it, but it's not really worth the trouble when you get into your late 30's and everyone expects you to be looking to get married. Either be serious or wash your hands of the entire muddle.

Gah- I can't imagine trying to do casual dating at this point.

[CAM]

Gah- I can't imagine trying to do casual dating at this point.

Your casual dating comment...I agree. I can't see myself being casual about anything...let alone dating. I'm too intense to be casual.

What will I do when the family is gone? I don't know. I think either of two things. Either I will be married at that point. It could happen. I think that the woman that marries me is a saint. She'll have to put up with a moody eccentric smart guy. But, if she's the right woman, she won't mind. And, I'd love her in part because she didn't mind.

Another option for me is total reclusivity; but I think I'm dreaming on that one. I think more people like me and care about me than I care to admit. I'm very blase about relationships with others...somehow, they know what I'm up to and are curious about me; but I tend to be oblivious. I don't make it easy for people to get close. Make sense?

[CAM]

Cam, I'm only 26, but this sentence really stuck out at me. Is it safe for me to assume that this one person meant something extra special and she (or yourself) caused some issue which resulted in the end of that relationship? Perhaps that's still causing an adverse effect on the present.

I'm totally on a limb here.. but you may want to take a look at that point in your life and see if you can deduce something. I know from your other posts you're intelligent.

As I stated above, I'm only 26 and probably have no right to give advice, but I hope it all works out for you. You're not old yet.

-Ath

I loved her.

You are very insightful.

That is something missing in the US. Pure passion. My relationships here...there's always some kind of underlying power play (perhaps related to my original post).

With her...no power play at all.

Sorry if I insulted anyone with the original post or wasted your time. Perhaps it was an unconscious thing. Its been a year (this month) since I went back to her country (but not to see her since it was long since over)...I guess that lots of things came to mind....

best,

Cameron

[DoesntMatter]

Another option for me is total reclusivity; but I think I'm dreaming on that one. I think more people like me and care about me than I care to admit. I'm very blase about relationships with others...somehow, they know what I'm up to and are curious about me; but I tend to be oblivious. I don't make it easy for people to get close. Make sense?

Total reclusivity = bad. Very, very bad. And by total recluvisity, I don't mean living like a monk in a monastery. By reclusive, I mean living without any close relationships to anyone, which is how you are looking at it.

All I have that is close to me is my family. I know for a solid fact that their being has prevented me from doing things I would have done otherwise. Basically, it helps keep you sane and out of trouble! Even though you may sometimes wish that you could just do as you please, without having to consider others, it is probably not in your best interest.

I used to know a person who was what you would consider reclusive. Didn't have a dad, had 0 friends (take that literally). No family that cared about him (I think only his mom lived in this country). Ended up not really caring if he was alive or not. And THAT is scary, when someone hits rock bottom apathy. Especially somebody like him. I completely cut ties with that piece of shit.

[Gigabitch]

::sigh::

If you took a lump of coal and shoved it up Cameron's ass, in two weeks, you'd have a diamond.

[misombra]

aaaaaaaaaaaaajajajaaajajaaa. goddamn you are funny.

[vashti]

I can't really help you, CAM. I think you are secretly committed to the idea of being single.

[CAM]

::sigh::

If you took a lump of coal and shoved it up Cameron's ass, in two weeks, you'd have a diamond.

And, I'd be sure to give the diamond to you, sweetie

[CAM]

I can't really help you, CAM. I think you are secretly committed to the idea of being single.

I'm not committed to the idea of singleton status at all.