Is there anyone out there like me?

[meh]

I'm sorry for this long rant. I just want to know if there is anyone out there who is kind, loving, a hopeless romantic, 100% loyal, fun-loving, someone who is looking for absolute and total love, and perfect honesty from a relationship?

I am that man, and I had found all the things that I was looking for, the absolutely perfect relationship and perfect girl. And now she is dead. She is the first true love of my life, and during our 21 months together I made sure that each and every single day I'd tell her how much I love her and appreciate her and be happy because I had her.

And now there is just pain and a gaping hole in my chest and I don't know where to turn or what to do and all I can do is miss her and cry.

I'd like to know that there's at least someone else out there like me, and if so how they are handling it. I'm so along and I miss her and the prospect of another woman in my life makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like a great part of me has died.

If you're going to tell me "get over her" or "life goes on" or "you'll find someone else", please don't. The love I have for her is not something that I can just get over, and I don't even think I'd want to.

Sorry for being so long.

[Miss hotty]

Hay Meh

I don't know how you feel or say i understand as i haven't been there myself and i would be wrong to do so.

So all it is i want to say i'm really sorry to here this and i hope someone here can help you and soon

All my best
Miss hotty

[Gribble]

She passed away? Sorry to hear that. Yeah, you have every right to be upset and cling to her memory. But whether you want to hear it or not, eventually you do need to move on. It isn't healthy remain in that state. And to reiterate what I'm sure you're gonna be hearing quite a bit, she would have wanted you to get on with your life.

[vashti]

Actually, another one of our posters went through this. It was such a tragedy... The death of a loved one always is. I suggest you get yourself into some grief counseling if you don't find yourself making small steps towards recovery in a reasonable amount of time.

I am really very sorry for your loss.

[meh]

It hasn't been long at all yet, under a week since it all happened. It was so unexpected, and as I think I made it more or less clear from my first post, this wasn't a fling or a less-than-serious relationship.

I allowed myself, quite willingly and gladly, to give this relationship my all, which I did. I took a huge leap, I shared every aspect of my life with her with very, very few and insignificant exceptions. During our time together we talked about pretty much every subject there is out there, and whether we agreed or not, all of them were very good memories.

Now it seems that all good memories do is stab me in the heart more. I have a lot of her things and I just can't bring myself to do anything with them. I can't speak a proper sentence without remembering certain phrases that she used to use a lot and that I liked and so on.

I guess that this is normal in such a situation, but it is still incredibly painful. I wouldn't kill myself but I would just want to die.

And I know that I "have to move on" eventually but just the thought of that makes me feel like I'm betraying her memory. Not to minimize the pain that people who lose a parent or grandparent or anything, but I know (from experience) that moving on in such cases is easier, mainly because you probably didn't share so much with them as you do with your better half.

When I am able to bring myself to think of the future, for small periods of time before my self hatred kicks in for even thinking it, I cannot conceive how I could ever have another relationship when to me this woman was utter perfection in every sense. It wouldn't even be fair to any woman I'd ever in the future be with, to constantly compare her with someone else.

Thank you all for the replies.

[Gigabitch]

I suggest that you write it all down. All of it.

Why are you even thinking about having another relationship if it's been less that a week since you lost the love of your life?

What the **** is wrong with you? It takes years to get over a heartbreak like that. You wouldn't be in any condition to make such a decision until November of 2008, at least.

Makes it really, really hard to believe you.

[Ellynn]

I haven't lost a significant other or a person I was in a relationship with, but I have lost both of my parents in the past 3 yrs. My Dad died unexpectedly 3 yrs ago and my mom died a little over a month ago of long-term health problems. My situation definately is not the same as yours, but I can identify with the feeling of loss and how it can definately turn your world upside down. It's not necessarily easier for me, because I was very close with both of my parents...

But, everyone tells you its gonna be ok and that you will move on....but at this point you are basically thinking "how is that possible?" You are stuck in limbo. You can't move forward and you desperately wish you could move back just to have more time.

Time... It truly does heal all. Right now you can't imagine a future or how it will even be without that significant person in your life. But, you need this time now to grieve. You need to gather all your memories of this person and truly reflect on them. Don't even worry about dating or meeting someone else. You have had such a shock....a blow to your world...that now you are just numb. You feel dead inside....it's awful. Then when you do feel....its pain. This feeling does last for quite awhile...unfortunately. Its normal though.

The good news is that eventually the pain becomes less sharp, and you slowly begin to move on. Some people say it takes a year....but everyone is different. You need to just focus on your grieving process and just appreciate the support, but let them know you need to move on ...on your own terms.

I am truly sorry that you went through this. I think that since losing both my parents at a young age (25), it definately impacts my relationships with people or even guys. I fear getting involved with anyone new for the fear of losing them (what your going through now.) In a way, its probably similiar to something you will eventually fear....getting involved with another person and losing them. You probably also feel like it would be an insult to her to move on so quickly. So, you shouldn't.
But you know, the people we lost would NOT want us to be upset and ruin our lives and be miserable. They would want us to be happy in the long run. Because they truly loved us and would never want to see us so miserable.

So, just take this time to grieve. There is nothing weak about it and its a good way to honor someones memory. You also should write down those memories or even make a scrapbook of the both of you together. I know it helps me when I miss my Dad. (I'm working on my mom's now.)

So, no matter what, you just take this time now and do what you need to do. Don't worry about a timeline or when you should feel ok again. That will happen on its own. You'll see.

[Gigabitch]

Ellynn is so much nicer than me.

[Tigger_]

I'm sorry for your loss!! InshAllah it'll be ok!!

[meh]

Gigabitch: You misunderstood me, I never said I'm looking for other women or anything. Just that with the four/five days of no sleep, all sorts of thoughts creep into my mind - that was one of them.

Ellynn: Thank you very much for the kind words. I, thank God, have not lost a parent yet, but I did lose both of my grandmothers to illness (I was really close with one of them).

The pain of losing my SO is insurmountable, or so it seems to me. I constantly feel like I just want to rip my heart out. Missing her is the hardest part, I got so totally used to being with her over the years that all this seems like a very bad dream that cannot possibly be true.

I finally slept last night for the first time in days, and I had a dream about her, where it turned out that I had somehow been misinformed and that she really was ok. Waking up from that was worse than I'd imagined.

[Ath]

I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's not much.. but every little bit of support helps I think.

-Ath

[Ellynn]

I finally slept last night for the first time in days, and I had a dream about her, where it turned out that I had somehow been misinformed and that she really was ok. Waking up from that was worse than I'd imagined.

Yeah, those dreams are the worst. They mess with your reality. I had several of them after losing my Dad and two since losing my mom. Then you wake up feeling like crap......and your eyes are all glued shut from crying so much while sleeping.

I wonder if that is their way of visiting us to let us know they are ok?

[meh]

Yeah, those dreams are the worst. They mess with your reality. I had several of them after losing my Dad and two since losing my mom. Then you wake up feeling like crap......and your eyes are all glued shut from crying so much while sleeping.

I wonder if that is their way of visiting us to let us know they are ok?

I'd like to think of it like that but I fear it would just be wishful thinking. I guess it's just all the thoughts we have of them taking form during our sleep, together with all our expectations and hopes.

Before all this happened I had such a will to live, 24 hours in a day weren't enough anymore, I was constantly busy.

And now I feel dead inside and all that I can do is think of her and talk to her and wish I were dead so I could be with her.

[Miss hotty]

Gigabitch: You misunderstood me, I never said I'm looking for other women or anything. Just that with the four/five days of no sleep, all sorts of thoughts creep into my mind - that was one of them.

Ellynn: Thank you very much for the kind words. I, thank God, have not lost a parent yet, but I did lose both of my grandmothers to illness (I was really close with one of them).

The pain of losing my SO is insurmountable, or so it seems to me. I constantly feel like I just want to rip my heart out. Missing her is the hardest part, I got so totally used to being with her over the years that all this seems like a very bad dream that cannot possibly be true.

I finally slept last night for the first time in days, and I had a dream about her, where it turned out that I had somehow been misinformed and that she really was ok. Waking up from that was worse than I'd imagined.

Gald to here you have had some sleep. I have dreams like that now and again but about my Nan and i know how you feel with that one and it's not very nice feeling at all

[Miss hotty]

I talk to my nan two i set there with here photo at least every night i feel for you i really do