My friend is made fun of

[DoesntMatter]

I have known a kid since we were both about 1st or 2nd grade. So you know, this is just a kid that I used to talk to at school, and he came over to my house once in a while up until early high school years, but that's because we just didn't have much time. So you can consider him one of my better friends, but that really isn't saying much. He's been my friend for the longest period of time though.

He's a really nice person, but people harass the living shit out of him! As in, he is made fun of nonstop, mocked, etc. You think people would stop this type of stuff in high school, especially by senior year.

I used to stick up for him, but lately (last year or so) he hasn't been sticking up for himself. He's Jewish, and you could not imagine how many oven and furnace jokes he puts up with. If he isn't going to stick up for himself, what am I to do?

It's really ****ing pathetic that people are still like this. I can only wonder how low his self-esteem must be from all the garbage he has taken. And just adding insult to injury, the date he took to prom (which was on Saturday) completely ignored him once she got there. I didn't go, so I can't say I know this first hand, but I heard it from everyone I asked. He paid for her dress, limo, whatever the hell else you include as part of the package. So just in the last week alone, you can imagine he has been taking a lot of crap about that. Him getting ditched by his date at the prom wasn't enough, now everyone feels obligated to rub it in.

There are so few good people in this world, but this person is one. And this is how he is treated. As a friend, what do you do? How can I stick up for him if he doesn't do it for himself?

[Charlie Boy II]

Poor kid, I can't stand that stuff.

There really is no magic answer to this sort of thing. Can't he change schools?

[vashti]

He bought his date's *prom dress*?? The reason your friend is picked on is because people think he has no backbone.

I am going to tell you about my kid, which is something I very rarely discuss.

My son - when he started 7th grade - went through crap like this all throughout the year, even the stupid oven jokes (we are Jewish, too, living in an area with very few Jews). He didn't tell me about it until about 2 weeks before the end of the school year because he knew it would kill me, and when he finally DID tell me, it was only because he didn't want to be re-enrolled for 8th grade.

Long story short, I gave my son permission to beat the ringleader's ass. He never had to do it, though, because after asserting himself verbally and making it known he was prepared to fight, the other boy backed down, and the rest of that kid's buddies did, too.

I used a dog analogy with my kid. We all know he is sweet like a puppy dog, but when he goes out into the world, he needs to *look* more like a bulldog. I told him he might have to fight once or twice, but even if he didn't "win" the fight, the kids would move onto a softer target.

You don't mention how old you are, but your friend may have waited too long for this to work for him. I don't think you help him to grow into manhood by fighting his battles for him, however. I think you should just encourage him to act like a man, even if he has to fake it for a while until he grows into it. He needs to feel okay with expressing appropriate anger, even if it is only done verbally. Maybe you can give him some tips on how to react when someone says something mean. Try role playing, or something. It really helps, especially if you do it a lot.

Also, tell him this for me: NEVER invite a girl you haven't dated before to a prom. If he wants to get to know a girl better, tell him to ask her to homecoming. First dates should NEVER be expensive, he should NEVER buy a girl a dress for a date, and renting a limo should be done with a *group* of kids, and only then for a girl you have been dating a while.

[Charlie Boy II]

That's good advice Vashti.


That stuff about the oven jokes is unbelievable. I've never heard anyone say anything remotely like that in Australia. At school I wouldn't even have known who was and wasn't Jewsih any more than I would have known who was Catholic or Prodestant.

[Ephemeral Dream]

I had never dated my date for prom before. But I didn't pay for anything.

OT: He needs to respect himself so he can be respected.

[anachronistic]

wow, i don't know what to tell ya, kid. i was made fun of often as a kid. i just ignored it, and it went away. people started liking me, and now i am the kid that everyone likes. i'm everyone's best friend where i live.

it was easy to ignore people because many things they said were things i didn't think were true, and because i live by many of buddha's teachings, i can easily do selective hearing.

[vashti]

As I recall, Buddhaism requires absolute non-violence. I am more of the mind that to every thing there is a season; a time of war, a time of peace... Self-defense is normal and natural, and unfortunately, sometimes necessary.

Charlieboy - things used to be like that here when I was growing up. I think now there is a swing towards religious fundamentalism (it gained a lot of power with the Bush administration), and with that comes a certain amount of intolerance and a sense of superiority.

[Miss hotty]

I agree with vashti

[anachronistic]

As I recall, Buddhaism requires absolute non-violence. I am more of the mind that to every thing there is a season; a time of war, a time of peace... Self-defense is normal and natural, and unfortunately, sometimes necessary.

Charlieboy - things used to be like that here when I was growing up. I think now there is a swing towards religious fundamentalism (it gained a lot of power with the Bush administration), and with that comes a certain amount of intolerance and a sense of superiority.

i agree with you to a certain extent. i am not a buddhist monk or anything, and i am unitary in my beliefs. i also believe several concepts from judaism, and christianity... and agnosticism.

i believe that a lot of fight can be avoided through calm conversation. but there are some that can't be avoided at all. every fight i took part in was in cause of my lose of temper. i don't think that 'making fun' is something worth a fist-fight, unless they get right up in your face and do it.