I never knew
When I wished for you
That the wish I wished
Would soon come true
I never knew
When I dreamed of you
In the dreams I dreamed
You would love me too
So why has nothing happened
So why the hell have you gone
You have made me an empty shell now
no love
no life
no fun
You are dating some prick named Frank now
I will soon find where he lives
I will walk over to the door step
and when he opens I will show him my fist
Then eat his brain
+ Follow This Topic
Results 1 to 15 of 21
Thread: A poem yes sir by me
-
13-06-07, 04:03 PM #1
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
- Gender
- Posts
- 6,934
A poem yes sir by me
"Why are you an atheist?"
"because I paid attention in science class."
-
13-06-07, 04:08 PM #2
Normal User
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
- Location
- UK
- Posts
- 610
That was good until you said Then eat his brain
Life is like a dick. When things get hard, **** it.
-
13-06-07, 04:32 PM #3
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
- Gender
- Posts
- 6,934
Oh come on! I thought it was a nice finishing touch and that it added some elegance to the poem
Originally Posted by Miss hotty
"Why are you an atheist?"
"because I paid attention in science class."
-
13-06-07, 04:34 PM #4
Normal User
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
- Location
- UK
- Posts
- 610
Ok if you say so
Life is like a dick. When things get hard, **** it.
-
13-06-07, 04:59 PM #5
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
- Gender
- Posts
- 6,934
Do you always take everything so seriously? Originally Posted by Miss hotty
"Why are you an atheist?"
"because I paid attention in science class."
-
13-06-07, 07:00 PM #6
Normal User
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
- Location
- UK
- Posts
- 610
No i just like pulling peoples leg lol
Life is like a dick. When things get hard, **** it.
-
13-06-07, 10:33 PM #7
Hot love muffin guru
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- Gender
- Posts
- 22,890
I like the last line the best.
Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?
-
13-06-07, 10:55 PM #8
anachronistic Guest
it's good except for the end. rewrite it if you care that much. Originally Posted by Only-virgins
-
13-06-07, 11:17 PM #9
Normal User
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Posts
- 50
Same here. Originally Posted by vashti
-
14-06-07, 05:39 AM #10
Regular User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Gender
- Location
- Seattle
- Posts
- 16,935
Beautiful. Save me some of that brain.
Spammer Spanker
-
14-06-07, 09:43 AM #11
Normal User
- Join Date
- Dec 2006
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
- Posts
- 14
I'd condense the last line of the second stanza from
toYou would love me too
in order to keep the metre of the first stanza. But that's just my opinion.You'd love me too.
I also like the last line best
-
14-06-07, 09:54 AM #12
atada a mis pies.
- Country:
- Join Date
- Nov 2004
- Posts
- 15,440
beautiful.
baby ya hustle. but me i hustle harder.
-
14-06-07, 10:50 AM #13
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Mar 2005
- Gender
- Posts
- 6,934
I knew the last sentence would be a instant classic and hit! See, in your face Miss Hotty. She really is dating some Frank guy
lol .. I did kick his ass once right before getting kicked out of a club thingy.
That actually does make it sound better, things like that I don't always notice. Originally Posted by Fnord
Last edited by Only-virgins; 14-06-07 at 10:53 AM.
"Why are you an atheist?"
"because I paid attention in science class."
-
14-06-07, 01:26 PM #14
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- AL
- Posts
- 250
I liked the last line best. Nice work
There are some things you just can't explain with the word... fate. You're just going to have to see it with your own eyes.
- Taura
-
14-06-07, 03:43 PM #15
Normal User
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Gender
- Location
- UK
- Posts
- 610
Ok OV i have my hands up saying i was wrong
Life is like a dick. When things get hard, **** it.
Similar Threads
-
Not a love poem... or a poem, I think...
By Ulf in forum Love PoemsReplies: 1Last Post: 26-07-05, 11:01 AM -
Little Poem
By Radical in forum Love PoemsReplies: 8Last Post: 06-06-05, 11:50 AM -
Best.Poem.EVER.
By Only-virgins in forum Love PoemsReplies: 1Last Post: 09-03-05, 09:29 PM -
A Poem From Me to You
By GBRaul in forum Love PoemsReplies: 0Last Post: 08-09-04, 12:32 PM
