I need advice!!

[squirrley]

it's impossible to stay with friends with her on your account. Especially feeling the way you do. She can cause she may have moved on. Maybe down the road when you're moved on though!

burning the pics wont mean you hate her! Its just a step of healing and moving forward! I cried my ass off when I did it, but it was the last time I cried, and here i am 4 years later and couldnt care less.

[Help me!!]

Yeah i can see what you mean, its easy for her because she has no feelings for me and she doesnt hate me so the easiest and normal thing for her to say is lets stay friends. Shes coming back at easter and asked if i wanted to meet up but that would not help me because i still have feelings for her and i wouldnt want to see her as a friend.

I can also see what you mean about the pics, but i guess you have to do what your heart tells you and i hope that in time i will feel like you and not be bothered and my feelings will go. Time is a great healer as they say hey.

[sfalexi]

Yeah i can see what you mean, its easy for her because she has no feelings for me and she doesnt hate me so the easiest and normal thing for her to say is lets stay friends.

Also, she probably knows that you didn't want it and will take it hard and this is a sort of "compromise" that maybe she felt guilty, but whatever the reason she thinks will help you deal with it easier. When in reality, guys agree to it and it ends up making it harder.

[Help me!!]

Hi,

yeah i agree with you, she did know that i would take it hard because i feel alot for her, and so she prob did feel quilty and didnt want to cut me from her life completely, yeah most ppl do agree to be friends, and as you say i makes it harder, if i saw here now i would want to be with her as a couple not friends and on how i am feeling now if i saw her in a few months time with someone that would hurt to, but hopefully i will be over her by then.

I no every relationship has its special moments thats what makes them great, but because we were both the first for each other it just seems to hurt more, but then again i cant really say as i have never been in this position before. Is your first love break up normally your hardest and the one you care and love the most? Or does it just depend on the person?

[sfalexi]

depends on the person. Although a first 'love' may not be the hardest one you'll ever have in life, it still can be very hard because all the emotions are very new to you and you probably haven't felt them before. So you weren't at all prepared for them.

Well, think of all the pain and the feelings you are feeling right now. And then think of one of my favorite quotes.

"This too, shall pass." It sucks, but eventually, it'll be behind you. Sort of my philosophy in life. No matter how much times seem to suck (and believe me I've been having more than my fair share of shit over the past few weeks), time will continue and I'll have to continue living. And time heals all. (That's another quote).

Alexi

[Help me!!]

Thanks for the quick reply, yeah all these emotions are new to me because i havent felt them before and i wasnt prepared or ever thought that it would hurt this much, i guess if i look at it from the other side, as in all the feelings and emotions i felt when we were together i had never felt them before and they were amazing and as ppl say its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all, just doesnt really mean much to be at the moment, but i am sure it will in time.

Yeah there good quote's and i can see what they mean, but it just doesnt really mean anything to me right now, but in time i am saw that will change

I guess you learn from your past and the next relationship you have you dont put everything as in feelings into it like i did with my first or not at least to start with.

[squirrley]

Alexi has great quotes, may seem cliche at the time, but its true, and mine is everything happens for a reason. May not see it yet, but one day, some one will come into your life when you least expect it and a new set a feelings will emerge.

I HAD to do what I did to move on! He was the first guy I THOUGHT I wanted to marry. So let me tell ya that heartbreaker when he ended it. BUT I thank him NOW! We do NOT speak, thank goodness. I see now that life has greater things to offer and in the end and reflecting I wasnt happy just settled cause I was comfortable. You'll see as time passes and new things come about, that she'll always be a part of your heart she was your first love, but you'll gain valuable experience from it and if ya learn anything learn for yourself for your next relationship!

[Help me!!]

Yeah i no, does seem cliche at the moment, i agree with you that everything happens for a reason, and hopefully that will come clear in time.

I can completely see what you mean when you say 'you thought he was the one you wanted to marry' this is what i thought about my x, we seemed to be so great together that i didnt see any reason why we would want or need to break up, i was my x's first love to so it was new to both of us, but we both used to talk about marriage in the future and making plans.

I feel have learnt alot from the relationship and i will take that on to my next one, i just feel that the words my x used to say to me wont mean anything to me again, as in if someone was to say i love you with my whole heart and i cant imagine life without you i would just think yeah however, maybe that will just pass with time tho and i will beleive it as much as i did when my x used to say it. Just feels like those special words aient special anymore.

Thanyou everyone for your continued support tho, it has helped talking about it with people who have been there and who will give me there honest opinons.

[Ray - depressed]

*sigh*

i know what u mean.. words that once seemed so magical kinda lost their meaning.. just seems like splur of the moment things.. promises only mean something to those who still cares, and apparently my ex no longer cares... but well, life goes on.. i'll just be viewing life differently..

[Help me!!]

Exactly mate, those words were special and when my x said them i really thought she meant it and then she says i wanna break up, i dont love you no more!! Now those 'special' words mean nothing.

I agree i will be viewing life differently from now to man, maybe as she was the first to say those things to me i just got carried away with it all, i dunno.

[squirrley]

ya know at the moment she meant them. Soemthing changed along the way that's all. I was with my x for 10 years imagine the words exchanged there! But reflecting back, yea there were some great times, but not enough now. I want and need more from someone. Her actions speak louder than words right now. (learned that from someone here). And I too learned my actions caused hell. SO, you need to know that taking action for yourself and moving in a direction that's healthy for you is what is important. Take the good and learn from the bad...

[Help me!!]

Yeah i no she meant it at the time, i just mean she said all that to me right up to a week before you said she didnt love me anymore, i no ppl change but just didnt no that fast, guess she has been though alot and is v.confused tho.

How do you mean how actions speak louder than her words right now? yeah i agree that you should take the good and learn from the bad, at the end of the its just life aient it, no one has a perfect life and if you did you would never learn from your or other ppls actions.

[squirrley]

exactly...your'e learning. I'm STILL learning. Life is a learining tool.

I'm sorry didnt realize it was being said to the end. Ya know she'll always care about you and have a special place in her heart for you. FIRST LOVES DO THAT.

I mean actions, she needs time to do her own thing maybe, you guys are still young, and maybe she wants to do other things, not necessarily get serious with someone else right now. But her actions show she needs time to herself. I cant tell you what she's thinking, we all do things differently. It hurts I'm sure to hear she loves you one week and ends it the next. She cant turn off her feelings overnight. I'm just saying maybe in time things will change. Ok, for example, my first love from 3rd grade til the 8th, he was it. He proposed to me when I was in third grade. He was 4 years older than me, so nothing ever came of it. Social issues. He went his way I went mine. 19 years later we found eachother, and this was just this last year. Totally freaky how it all came about too! Anyway we saw eachother and the sparks flew! 7 months later we're dealing with issues that are difficult. Distance, and well, hell, we're working on it. Trying to figure things out together. Anyway, what I'm saying is that FIRST LOVES will always be a HUGE part of your life, you dont forget. Let her do her own thing for now. And ya never really know what life has to throw your way. I went on to have a shitty relationship for 10years, he went on to end up in a divorce after 10 years, and he we are. Funny how life almost has a circle. But in the meantime you cant stop living yourself. I'm not saying you have to forget her, but do other things, and eventually the pain gets less difficult to deal with. What did I say? Everything happens for a reason right? Someday you may look back on this and think that was great but have now found the greatest. Who knows what will happen. YOu have control of your life, go with it have fun and experiment! Each relationship is a step and a learning thing say, for as you get older you learn what it is you truly want and desire. You'll have bumpy roads, but guess what? It makes us stronger in the end....Good Lord never gives us more than we can handle...

[Help me!!]

Yep i agree, we learn all the time from different ppl, things and actions that we and others take.

Yeah she saying it up to virtually the end, she was very depressed and confused for along time and i wanted to help her and still do but its her life i cant make her feel different or talk to me like she used to talk to me about everything. Yeah people say you never forget your first love and i am sure i will always hold a place for her.

I see what you mean, we are still young, when we split up she said that she didnt feel anything for me, she had changed and in order to 'fit' into the student life she had to break up with me and that when she we went out clubbin etc, blokes would come up to her she had to say she wasnt single and that was issolating herself from others, so i can knda see what you mean when you say she wants to do other things.

Yeah it does hurt for her to change so quickly but as i said before she is very confused and thats what makes me think is she breaking up for the right reasons but i guess if she doesnt want to talk about it i will never know. I havent seen her for 3 weeks now and my feels are still strong for her, wish i could just turn mine of but i care about her to much.

Thats quite strange that after all that time you met up again, but i guess that shows us that you never no whats around the next corner and whats going to happen in life.

Yeah i know i have to start living again and that i cant wait to her just incase sumthing ever happens. She was my first sexual partner too so i doubt i will ever forget her.

[KenThePartyMan]

I think I said this another thread but here it is again....

The best way to get over someone is to get under another one...