I need advice!!

[Help me!!]

Hi,

I need some advice, my girlfriend split up with me a few weeks ago, we had been going out with each other for a year and abit and really got on with each other really well from the start. In september of last yeah my girlfriend went to uni, from the start she didnt enjoy it and found it very differcult. Because she was about 3 hours drive away from me i would go up and she her as much as i could and she would come back to her home town quite alot to.

For the first 4 or so months things between us were great and we both felt that we had grown closer regardless of the distance. We had always had a close and special relationship which neither of us wanted to end. However she was finding uni very differcult and wasnt enjoying her course,the people up there or the life style, we used to talk about how she felt and i would try and make her feel better and give her adivse because she was getting very depressed, upset and confused.

Sometimes she would say i am going to stay at uni would you move up her with me so we can be together all the time and other times she would say whats the point i am going to leave becasue i aient happy here and i dont want to me here. Then resently she experienced some family loses and uni became even harder for her, and some of her problems from when she was younger started to come out, she started seeking proffesional help. Since her recent loses and experiences she has stopped telling me how she is feeling, if i ask her she just says i am fine or everything is fine and shuts me out which really hurts.

She met some new friends up at her uni resently and has started to enjoy herself abit more, going out etc, and now she says in order for her to make uni work she has to split up with me, she says she doesnt feel anything for me anymore. I asked her if there was anyone else or if she had started to see anyone else and she said no, and i trust her when she says that because i believe her. I just feel that maybe she is just spliting up with me as an excuse maybe to make it easier on herself and for the wrong reasons. I dont no how she can have gone from being in love with me so much and talking about living together and making plans for the furture to saying she feels nothing for me in such a short time. Maybe she doesnt love me anymore, i just find that hard to understand.

She is my first real love and I was hers, but it is just hurting me so much. She has been under alot of pressure from her family to go to this specific uni and make it work, I just feel that i love her so much and i want to help her though everything and anything. Can anyone give me any advise? What should i do? Should I just try and let her go? I am just so confused.

I would welcome any advise

[KenThePartyMan]

Let her go dude...Sorry to say but she has grown out of you. Not trying to make you feel like an old shirt...She has moved on to a new place and getting new friends as your still the same guy back home. I'm sure she misses you and everything you had but now she expanding her views.

Its like that one Pauly Shore movie when that country girl goes to school and hates it at first..but then starts to make friends and have...she changes to fit in with the new people in her life as everything back home stays the same.

If you try and stop her from changing she will hate you for it. And there is no going back for her at this point. She is turning into that new person and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You need to find a new woman that you can grow with.

If you are apart you will grow apart, if you are together you will grow together.

[Help me!!]

Hi,

Yeah i can see what you are saying and i do agree, i know that uni is a whole new life, and we were both worried that this may happen, i guess it just took abit of time for her to settle in. I keep thinking about her going out with her new mates and meeting new blokes and that does really hurt me, but i guess it is time to let her go, she did say she wanted to stay friends and i guess if i did push her i would lose that too.

Thanks for your advice mate.

[Ray - depressed]

Hey, i am in a very similar situation, except my girl isn't going to uni yet.. she just wants to experience life without me, she felt that she had been too sheltered by me.. and, she told me it wasn't because of someone else, and, i believe her.. well u have to understand, people change.. i know it's hard.. she only broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and i havn't been able to sleep well since then.. my hope right now, is for her to remember the good times with me when she's lonely, and how great i used to treat her, therefore coming back to me.. but, i am actually expecting for the worst, and hoping for some surprises.. I told myself, i am not giving up until my heart tells me so.. but, i wouldn't stay friends with her rite now if u want more than that... it really sux, and u'll never be able to get over her if u still see her.. honestly man, i'm in the same damn situation myself, and it's hard i know, and very painful coz my ex will give me a bit of hope every now n again..

[Help me!!]

Hi Ray,

I no exactly how you feel mate, everything was great between me and my girlfriend and it just hurts that now its gone, I keep hoping that she will contact me and say she misses me and she wants me back, i cant sleep at nite either i go to sleep with my mobile by my side hoping and wishing that she will txt me but i no it aient gunna happen. I keep telling myself i aient gunna give up to my heart says so either and the fact that she has done so much to deal with over the last few months i just dont no if this is truely how she feels or if its just an excuse, and that makes it hard becasue i want to be with her and help her.

I texted her a few days bak and she said she would like to meet up with me when she finishes for easter at the end of the month just as friends, but as you said i dont no if i can see her as just a friend becasue i still love her so much. It really does kill doesnt it mate.

[Ray - depressed]

well i personally am not gona give up on my gal until a) she finds someone else, or b) i stop loving her.. and neither of these things has yet to happen.. but honestly, expect the worst... don't expect her to call u or txt u, i did that the first week we broke up, and i ended up just bumming around in my room looking at presents she gave me and pix of us... NOT A GOOD IDEA.. hehe.. now, i just distract myself, and not think about her... the only time when i am really bothered is at nite, coz it usually takes me an hr to fall asleep, and i can't help but think about her at nite.. u gota ask urself, is she worth the wait? coz i promise u, if u break all contact with her, put away all the old memories of u guys, u'll be out of that depressed state in a month or two.. if u think shes worth the wait, then u can stay in contact w/ her, and hope for that small chance that she'll come back to u... but, prepare to have ur heart broken again... nothing hurts more than her being w/ some1 else, and u knowing when u still got feelings for her..
anyways, good luck.. time to study for midterms..

[Help me!!]

I aient gunna give up on her until i no 4 sure she has found someone else or i stop loving her either,i just cant. i have been speaking 2 some other people in forums and one person suggested i send my girlfriend a letter saying how i feel and try to get her to open up to me, i wasnt sure to begin with if i should but i thought at the end of the day what have i got to lose, if she doesnt open up to me and still says she feels the same i can try and get on with my life, we have already split up so i cant lose anything else.

I agree mate, i dont expect a call or a txt msg, we broke up about 3 weeks ago tomorrow and i am still doin what you said, bumming around my room looking at pics and things that remind me of her, and as u say it just doesnt help. Thats what i am trying to do now to distract myself and get on with things but shes always in the back of my mind, nites and wkend are the worse for me, i cant sleep at nites and on wkends i just remember stuff we used to do and places we went together, i am trying to do stuff and go out with mates etc but its not always helpful. I really do feel she is worth the wait, and i just cant break all contact my heart wont let me, i never thought that u could love and miss some1 so much that when u wake up in the morning you just feel like staying in bed, and having no motovation to do anything what so ever.

She wants to stay friends and i dont hate her or anything like that but i just dont no what to do, if i think of her being with someone else it just makes me feel possitively sick inside, i cant bear it, she is my first real true love and maybe thats making it harder on me, i just dont no.

Cheers buddy, good luck with your girlfriend to, i hope it all works out for the best.

[IceQueen]

I aient gunna give up on her until i no 4 sure she has found someone else or i stop loving her either,i just cant.

Love is a two-way street. It is irrelevant whether you "give up on her" or not -- she doesn't love *you*, so it's not going to work. By not letting it go, you are only hurting YOURSELF -- it has NO effect on HER feelings whatsoever, believe me on that. Love is not love if it isn't mutual.

if she doesnt open up to me and still says she feels the same i can try and get on with my life

Man, she already SAID she DOES NOT feel the same way when she broke up with you! Are you getting on with your life???

bumming around my room looking at pics and things that remind me of her, and as u say it just doesnt help. Thats what i am trying to do now to distract myself and get on with things

Yeah. Throw them out. That's not distracting you from shit, only reminding you of her. It's like cutting a wound when you want it to heal -- namely, makes zero sense.

She wants to stay friends

You don't want to do that. That way you won't be able to forget about her. You should cut communication with her altogether.

[Help me!!]

Hi,

yeah true i can see what your saying, when we meet up to split up, she didnt feel anything and seemed really cold towards me but i was the complete opposite, just couldnt believe she had gone from one extrerm to another in such a short time, but i guess thats life and people change.

Yeah i am trying to get on with my life, but its always there in my mind that maybe she broke up for the wrong reasons but i guess i may never find that out.

Soz didnt mean it like that, about bumming around, i aient doing that as a form of trying to move on, i meant i am doing over stuff to try and move on.

Dont no if i can throw them out yet, have put them away, maybe when its easier i will throw them away.

She mentioned meeting up when she comes back for easter just as friends, but i dont no if thats a good idea because i still have feelings more than just friends for her and i dont think it would help.

[IceQueen]

Those are excuses. You are NOT trying to get on with life if you "can't" throw out her pictures and presents.

[hallanole]

i agree with ice. even if you can't part with throwing out the pictures put them and all other stuff/reminders in a box and pack it away.

[squirrley]

TRUST ME THROW THEM AWAY!!! Even if they are put up, you know they're there, whats the dif? By throwing them out NOW, you wont feel the need or whatever weekness maybe to pull them out and cry and remember and such. This isnt good for you.

When my x and I were over, I had a burning them up party, it was one last cry as they went up in smoke on the grill. Never cried a day after that! You need to put it behind you. Ice is right man! Reread her stuff...

[Ray - depressed]

hey man, follow ur heart, we are only giving u advices..

i see what ice is getting at, but do whatever pleases u.. to me, although it hurts to look at old pix of us, but i'd never ever throw them away or burn them, they are memories, what are pix for anyway? i know what i'm about to say will conflict with others, but never give up until ur heart tells u so.. but, don't think too much about it tho.. if she turns around, then ok congrats.. if she doesn't, it's just a matter of time until ur heart tells u to move on.. if u force urself to do things u don't want to now, u will regret it in the future....

[squirrley]

Ok fine hang on to the pictures but do you REALLY want to 6 months from now STILL be pining over her when she might not be back? Look at it down the road as well. Yea we are only giving advice, its not the written word, just people who have been through it and look back and said I should've done this, it wouldlve been a hell of a lot easier. Keep one or two pics is fine, but to have a memory wall of pain isnt going to help you. It'll hurt you. I know its harder than hell to do so, but if you want to feel independant at some point you have to do it. FOR YOURSELF

[Help me!!]

Hi everyone,

Thankyou all for your advice, i can see what you mean by the pics and stuff, but i feel if i was to burn the pics and throw out my stuff from her i would be saying to myself i hate her and i would start to hate and resent her, which i dont, maybe i should hate her and that would help me, but how do you hate someone you love.

I really do appricate everyones advice, i havent been in this kind of situation before as my x was my first love and so that i why i decided to ask for advice from people who have been there.

I have excepted that she doesnt love me anymore and i am going to really try and get on with my life and follow my heart.

She says she wants to stay friends but i think its best to cut all communication with her until i am over her and maybe become friends in the future, do you agree?