I'm in love and suffer!

[Melinda01]

Hello to everyone, my name is Melinda, I'm 26 and this is my first post...it may become a bit huge...but I need to write this down and get some opinions and advice!!

I live in Stockholm. I started chatting online with another person in Sundsvall (also in Sweden) which is 3 hours by train from Stockholm. We would chat every day and we would talk and talk and talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! And by the end of each discussion we would say to one another how interesting we find one another and how sad we feel that we need to say Goodnight!

Anyway, after 1 month it happened that he came to Stockholm for some work just for 1-2 days and we met! Neither me nor he were dissapointed...on the contrary!! We had a great time that day and we kissed by the end. He left and then we would continue chat on MSN and say how we miss each other and how nice it was that we met. He invited me to his place on a weekend so we met again after 3 weeks! It was really great, we made love and we were both feeling so nice. I met all of his friends and even his mother!!! I left and we continued chatting...until the problems started...

After 4 days that we had met we were chatting as usual but at some point it would take him ages to reply back. He said he is sorry but he is chatting with 4 people at the same time. Fine, no problem. Then he said that they became 5...so I log in to the website I met him and I saw that he was flirting with a stranger girl and they had just exchanged MSN...I got really sad and I couldn't help it but show it to him...anyway...that was short, I didn't say anything about her I didn't want to make things so big cause I'm just jealous...and also we had never said that we have a relationship officialy!

Then he had lots of work on other towns during the next two weeks and he didn't have access to the Internet! And so it was me alone waiting for him...while he was having a great time since he is a musician. And btw I had invited him to my homeland on August and I was waiting for a reply on weather he could come or not...we exchanged some sms (all started by me) but not much. When I knew he was back I sent him an sms telling him that he doesn't need to push himself for the trip and that he can forget about it. I didn't want him to feel stressed cause he has lots and lots of work. He replied after two hours and he also said that he is now back to Sundsvall and moving out (I knew he would move out) and that he has no Internet access...but we can keep in contact...you can imagine how it felt for me all this time that we hadn't chatted while we used to chat every night! I sent him an sms after some days again and he replied after 14 hours saying that he was ready to go to France (he has a course there for 10 days) and that he misses me and that he hops he finds access to Internet there.

So he is now in France, has not been in MSN, which is ok I think since he is having a great time. But he sends no SMS, no email, no nothing...and I am really suffering! So I send him an SMS again after some days while he in France. Just asking him how it is going. And I get no reply...and that was it

The thing is that he is coming to Stockholm at the end of July and that we were saying (back then when we were chatting) that we are so much looking forward to that and that he can stay at my place! So I'm waiting for this...though we haven't talked about it for a month now...it doesn't look good!! i've been very sad that he doesn't contact me. He doesn't care. He didn't reply! Why??? Is it so difficult to just send an SMS? Does it take so long time? He forgot about me...it is obvious.

And now that I think about it he had said during those long discussions that he had 2 short relationships since January and he broke up because of him working extremely a lot and he wasn't in love with them. I hope that it is not the same with me.

What do you people say about all that? Do you really think that he doesn't give a s**t? Or do you think I'm too stressed? What should I do? I don't want to tell him about how I feel cause we haven't even said that we have a relationship...he had said clearly that he doesn't have time for girlfriends...but still...how can he lose all that interest that he had for me now??

I'm thinking at calling him tomorrow when I know he will be back from France and just being glad and stuff and ask him about Stockholm whether he will stay at my place and when he is coming...should I do that? I can't wait really...

[misombra]

just let him go. he got what he wanted and now he's done.

keeping on initiating messages is just prolonging the pain.

move on girl.

[Gigabitch]

I agree with Misombra. This isn't going to get any better. He 's done, and you should have the self respect to be done, too.

[Melinda01]

Thanks for your replies!

Aegis, I understand what you mean and I think that this might be the case...it is very much possible. But still how can he expect me to be there for him if he doesn't contact me?! I guess he doesn't care...

misombra and Gigabitch: I have thought quite a lot about letting him go...but I just can't! It's like you've found a great piece of cake and had the chance to have just one bite. Then you just can't forget about it until you eat the whole piece! I just don't feel that this is a finished story yet. The reason for that is that the distance and the fact that he had all this work caused the problems. If it would have been me the problem then I would accept it, that for example he lost interest because of me. But he lost interest because we don't see each other, and because he has extremely lots of work. He has no time to sit and think about me. I know it. He has a great time. And then he may also take me for granted cause I send him SMS.

And I have hopes that if he comes to Stockholm and stays at my place that the interest will come back! I really hope...! The thing is that right after the week he is supposed to come here I leave for my homeland for a whole month...I guess it is very difficult for it to be something serious. First it's him dissapearing the whole july then it will be me the whole august. And we have met just 2 times 1-2 days each time!! I think that if I spend a little more time with him now we may have more chances. Or at least I hope. Because we really liked each other!

I just can't let go right now. I need to see what he thinks about it now. I need to meet him, speak with him and see. Is he still interested? Was it the work? What is it?

[misombra]

some people just don't listen.

[thelonius]

some people just don't listen.

That's so true, and I don't need to add any more to this thread, since Melinda already had her fate pre-decided from the very beginning.

[Angelo_91]

that must really hurt you inside, i hope he msgs u back and u become happy.

but in the mean time, try to keep yourself busy so u dont think about him too much, it helps

[Gigabitch]

Melinda, there is rat poison on your cake. Put down the fork.

[Jimmy1218]

Never trust the internet or online relationships. I've had learned this lesson over and over the hard way...but not the relationship part, cause i'm smart enough to know to stay away from those. You should read some of the other threads about people with online relationship problems, its making them suffer for SOME DUDE ON THE INTERNET!!! Dont go down the same path, be smart, do the right thing and leave this person.

[IndiReloaded]

You should read some of the other threads about people with online relationship problems, its making them suffer for SOME DUDE ON THE INTERNET!!!

This is the fascinating part, tho, isn't it? That someone can feel the same things for someone online as they feel for someone IRL. And I don't doubt they *are* feeling the same things. Which says a lot to me about what it all *really* means, you know?

[Jimmy1218]

This is the fascinating part, tho, isn't it? That someone can feel the same things for someone online as they feel for someone IRL. And I don't doubt they *are* feeling the same things. Which says a lot to me about what it all *really* means, you know?

I didnt get a word you are trying to say...too complicated.

[DoesntMatter]

Maybe love is a just a farce & a self-induced chemical "imbalance" in the brain.

Chemical imbalances can be super fun... Or very depressing, depending on the imbalance

[Vain]

Sounds to me that he just wanted a random hook-up.

[Melinda01]

First of all, thank you all for your replies! I agree that this doesn't seem very nice...and I agree that he is not up for a serious relationship. I don't expect him to call me every day and stuff. but if he wants to meet me every now and then, then I think that to keep in contact is essential. I can't have sex with him if he doesn't contact me. It needs to be a more intimate relationship than "lets f***".

Anyway, a short update though!!! Yesterday morning I was feeling terrible with the thought that I would call him. I was thinking that if I won't do it then he will just not contact me! But as you know I had allready decided. But then I logged in to the website we hade first met AND: I had got an email from him!!! Can you imagine how I felt??? It was 6 in the morning and I was so happy that I had all the energy to run and jump up and down! Anyway, the email was short and fine he was just saying that he just came back from France, that he worked very hard but visited some nice little towns and then he was asking me how it is going for me. So I replied today a very typical email like his and at the end I ask about Stockholm, dates and stuff. So now we will see what happens!! He hasn't read it yet.

Although I got an e-mail from him first thing when he came back (it was 7.30 in the morning he logged in after so many days and he sent the email 7.34, so it was actually first thing he did! I knew he was coming back yesterday.) I am still wandering. It seems strange! I was pretty sure that he had made up his mind and that I would never hear from him again. Or that he would may call when in Stockholm and just go out for a coffee and nothing more. I am confused...I don't know how he thinks about the whole situation. He obviously is not as stressed as I am...maybe I should also calm down?? I really hope it goes well in Stockholm though!! But it seems like he is not up for a commitment anyway...it would never work like that!

[Gigabitch]

Ugh, just protect your heart, okay? You seem like a sweet girl. I hope you get to stay that way.