I feel completely trapped.....

[Salinda]

It's going to be a long post so I apologize ahead of time. This situation is slightly complicated. I'm dating a man from Japan right now. We met online and he came out here for school mainly to be near me. We've been dating for a couple of months now. A few weeks ago he moved in with my to my one bedroom apartment. I had a feeling we were moving too fast but since I was the one who suggested it, I couldn't back out. Especially since he gave up his only housing option to move in with me.

Recently, before even moving in, we were having problems. He wanted sex everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. When I would tell him no, he'd persist. That lead to a big fight and he told me that in Japan 'no' means 'yes' or something. Anyway, I told him in no uncertain terms that no means no here. I also tried explaining to him that I didn't have the same sex drive he did. And he just didn't seem to understand that. He feels that since we've only been dating a couple months that we should be all over each other all the time. He called me cold, saying I never wanted to cuddle or anything. I told him I didn't feel I was cold but I would try to be more affectionate with him.

Well, I'm not an affectionate person. It's hard for me to remember to kiss and hug and dote on him all the time. I tried really hard and things seemed to be getting a little better. But the last week I just haven't been in the mood. I've turned him down about four or five times. Half the time because I'm not in the mood and half the time because he's woken me up from being asleep because he was in the mood. If I'm asleep, let me sleep.

Last night I said no again because he woke me up again and he got angry. He said he felt I didn't like him anymore (which he's said before when this happens) and I told him that wasn't true, that I just didn't want sex as much as he did. The fight ended with him sleeping on the couch.
This is my first serious relationship. I'm not experienced dealing with arguments like this. I know that I do care about him and that he's not the reason I'm not in the mood. But I'm getting tired of him making me feel guilty for saying no. I honestly could go the rest of my life without sex, it's not that big of a deal to me. But he wants it all the time. I'm afraid that this is something we can't work out.

But...I can't tell him that. He gave up a lot to come out here to America to be with me. He gave up his housing through the school to live with me. I feel like I'd be screwing him over if I break up with him. And of course there's the extra complication that I'm pregnant. He wanted to get married when he learned but I said no, because I wasn't ready for that. I just feel so trapped right now. That we won't be able to work this out and that it'll be my fault some way or another. I don't even know if I'm looking for answers here or what...Thanks to anyone who read through the whole thing.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, boy. If you think your sex drive is low now, wait until after you've had the baby. It's going to plummet. I didn't get my sex drive back until I was done nursing. I think this is nature's way of ensuring that the new baby gets a chance to survive.

This problem is only going to get worse. For some reason, this man assumes that his sexual needs are your responsibility. I have no experience with Japanese culture, so I can't say what he's used to, but since HE is the one who moved HERE, it follows that he should be making the cultural adjustment.

And really, demanding sex more than once a day is ridiculous. What the hell is he thinking? Buy him some lube and some Kleenex.

Damn, if my boyfriend, who I basically worship and can't get enough of, woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex I'd ****ing kill him. Doesn't this guy know you're hormonal, and therefore very dangerous?

Whew! At least you're not marrying him. Don't do that. IMO, it's unnecessary and really, really hard to get back out of. (I got divorced a couple of years ago- it sucks.)