My next step...

[Chase]

My girlfriend and I had been going out for 5 yrs 4 months. Ever since we were freshmen in high school till now i'm already 20.
And I have been the one guiding the relationship all these years, I had bad temper. I yell at her, sometimes in front of other people.
But all that has is gone, maybe not completely gone but I have been very good to her. We drove down L.A for a vacation, (away from sf city) I did it for her, because I think she deserved a break. But I also realized that she sees that I get stressed from work and school, and that she wants me to get away as well. Well we went there, had a blast. We got so much closer...
About a week ago, she went out without asking me if she could go or anything, she just went. She went out with her friends to drink, she drove too. Well I couldn't reach her the whole time, i waited for her call till 5am. I woke up at around 9am to call her and she picks up. Her excuse for not calling me was taht she was afraid I was going to yell at her. But i didn't. I haven't. Anyway, i just let it go because she slept over a girl friend's house. Well i took her out to eat and went back to my place. She left after awhile saying she needs to go home and take a shower and get ready for another friend birthday party that night. THen i told her taht she can go, because my friend and his girlfirned was going to be there. So i said ok. I went out with my friend to shoot pool and got a call from her around 9pm she said she didn't even have money for drinks, and that she only has those fruity alcohol drinks taht my friend got her. I said okay and told her to have fun.
My friend called me and told me he was leaving. I tried callign my gf to tell her i'll meet her up or something; she didn't pick up. Same thing happens. And she sleeps over this friend's house. I wait for her till 5-6am in the morning, in the morning i got a number from my gf's sister and called it. I finally got ahold of her. She was awake, i heard laughter in the back. Again i didn't yell at her, i just let her know that i all i wanted was a call from her to let me know she was okay. I eventually told her to think about what she did and call me back when she has. I never got a call and soon later taht day i start hearing from her friends that she needs a break, and all this stuff that i'm yelling at her and stuff. I'm like... what in the hell is going on? I talked to my friends and her friends and got a lot of views and advice I realized that even though what she did wasn't right; what i had done to her over time was bad too, i realize that and i know that she doesn't deserve it. I sucked it up and bought her some flowers.
second day made her a custom card with nice picture of us and a poem i wrote.
third day i made her a cd of all the songs taht she likes and some of our fav songs. Shes still pushing me away, shes cluttering all the bad things i've done in the past and filtering all the good things i did and happened. Last night i got her friend to get her to go out and have some drinks, I went along too and i tried so hard to let her know how sincere i am that i'll change and that i see everything ever so clearly. she said she gave me too many chances...I pulled her outside and gave her 143 roses (143= i love you). And tried to really get my words to her, because the whole time she just blocks my words out. she stands there but shes not listening so I'm tried really hard to do that. She started to get mad, so i left her alone and left. I found out that some guy likes her from her friend. i dont' know what to do. I tried to let her have her space
have her time. Then this happens...Earlier today she came by and picked up the 143 roses that she left behind. She said that she wanted to pick them up because i bought them for her. I don't know what to do....I love her... so much...I care for her...... so dearly....What to do....?

[Ray - depressed]

um, just a few assumptions.. well, a similar scenario has happened to me b4..

well, sounds like she has a lot built up.. never said anything.. the 2 nites when she went drinking, and u being upset, just triggered all the emotions.. she definately still have feelings for u, but she wasn't happy while she was w/ u.. she needs some time alone, some time away from u, and see if she misses the moments she has spent w/ u... she needs to know, if her life will be happier without u.. u being really nice to her now, unfortunately won't change the way she is viewing ur relationship.. so only 2 possibilities now: either she'll realize dispute of all the crap that shes gone thru, she still thinks she needs u apart of her life.. or, she'll come to conclusion that she could be better off without u.. i dont think she likes this guy rite now, but it is definately a bad time for someone to go after her.. coz afterall, she wants to try something new, see if she'll be happier without u in her life.. i think, the best thing to do now is not have any communcations with her, make her miss the importance of u..

[Chase]

Yeah, thats the thing i'm afraid of... Right now i'm not calling her or anything, giving her space...and time...But the part about the importance of me i don't know about, she can be hard headed. Even if she knows i've been a good part of her life, she would shut it out... and i don't want her to do that. But i don't want to push her too hard... how can i keep her on my mind without irratating her? Shes going on a little trip for 3 days to snowboard next week...if that has anything to do with it...

[Ray - depressed]

hm, u mean keep u on her mind without irratating her? that's gota be a tough one.. if i knew the answer, i would probably be doing it.. well, this is what i did, i duno if it has worked or not... but uh, i knew she liked this john mayer CD, so i bought it for her and dropped it off when i knew she wasn't home.. and um, i think she appreciated it, and called me to say thx as soon as she saw it.. just shit like that.. sweet things but don't over do it.. and don't make her feel that ur trying to gain pitiness.. ah man, a 3 day snowboarding trip? make ur friends promise to take u out for those 3 days man.. or u'll end up going insane thinking about her.. speaking from experience..

[snoopy43]

You're smothering her. Period. Take it from someone who has gone through the exact same thing. I'm not trying to bring you down but sometimes people change and want to grow. Maybe she feels that she wants to experience different things on her own. She cares for you but that doesn't mean that she's decided that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. You sound like a logical, loving guy but people DO change and sometimes it's not always what WE want it to be.

[Chase]

oh... man..........Feel like i'm being torn apart....

[Chase]

I read a few of your threads Ray-Depressed and I think our situations are too alike... I feel you brother.. Well she called me today and came over to take her clothes home...Which just broke me down even more...

[Ray - depressed]

ya, my ex already did that a while back...

man i'm so broken rite now.. i just heard a rumor that my ex is going out with another guy... even tho its a rumor, still hurts a lot man... i duno if i wanna verify it

[PandaCivic]

OH MAN! i knew i wasn't the only one!!!! hey guys listen up. i have to tell you my story too. i'm not trying to brag or anything cuz this isn't even considered bragging. well anyways, this ex i used to go out with, we were together for almost 5 years. 4 and some odd months. but anyways, i would do the same thing, call her and "check on her" but i actually told myself that i was wanting her to know i worry about her. anyways, she would tell me that she goes out and shit with her friends. i don't have any spies among them so i have to go with what i trust. and i trusted her. i would hear rumors that she complains that i'm not around and that she wanted me there, but a girl's gotta have time to herself and her "girls". so ya, i would get all pissed if she doesn't call me and tell me if she's okay, but i mean ya, who wouldn't be worried. i would wait up all nite for her to call me. that's not a good thing to do cuz you're tearing yourself apart just waiting for that call. you just made things worse by making yourself miserable. well anyways towards the end she was telling me that things are different. after a while we got into more arguments and so i broke up with her. but i realized i couldn't live without her and so i asked to be with her again. so we were together for another while longer, and then things got back to worse. she would tell me that things aren't the same as they were before. i was doing sweet nothings to her like crazy. sending her flowers, making her CDs and telling her how much i loved her. you can't change how a girl feels overnite. it's like making up for so many years of problems with just a few sweet thoughts here and there. it works for a short while but it's just masking the problems you are having. this is the time when some lurker with hit up on your girl cuz they know she's vulnerable. well anyways, she tells me she's going to LA for a weekend and that she's going with her friends. (same as the snow trip or watever) so i just ask that she call me and stuff. but by this time i already knew it was over. i don't want to go into any more detail so just PM me if you want to know the whole story. after we broke up, i realized that she went to LA with some bitch ass nigga and she hid this from me. i was torn apart. i don't want to be the bringer of bad news but ur girl, she's seeing someone and her friends are covering up for her. think about it...if she's going out but she needs space away from you, where do you think she's going? kickin' it? nah i highly doubt it. just make sure you know who you trust and who you don't trust. but keep strong tho. she didn't kill you, she only made you stronger. Keep in touch!