Its not over yet, and i dont want to see it end.

[kyl3]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for quite a while, and have shared many amazing times that neither of us will ever forget. Unfortunantly, in the last few days we have been arguing...and it got out of hand. The root to most of this commotion is because of the fact that i am going away for school for 1 year, only coming home 6 or 7 times from september to april(as planned if we are together). The time that i am leaving is getting closer and it is stressing both of us out, making us very vulnerable to fighting. Our last fight, however, made her come to say that she cant do it and broke up with me. That night she called me back telling me that she would think about it over the weekend and let me know how she feels monday. We talked some the day after she broke up with me, and she still didnt know. But i do know she still has the same feelings towards me because she has been bawling her eyes out after every time she has talked to me. I am taking it really hard, but i am trying to stay strong and work this out with her. The fighting can be resolved easily if we both try because they are things that shouldnt be happening.

For the most part, we have gotten along well as a couple. I just dont want to lose her over a couple days of discomfort. We both love each other and i am searching for a way we can get past what just happened. Our biggest problem is that we have trouble forgetting and forgiving, we both need to work on that but i dont know how. I want to show her that everything willl be okay. I am hoping to get a call monday saying that she wants to make this work.

If anybody has any thoughts or suggestions for me and what i should say to her when i talk to her next, i would be glad to hear it.

[vashti]

You didn't say how old you are, but I am guessing you are young, and so is she.

Long distance relationships are difficult. Most people require actual face-to-face contact in order to feel secure. Your girlfriend probably is realizing this, and is rightly beginning to question the wisdom of dragging this out.

[kyl3]

We are 18 years old. I know were young but our relationship has been very serious. We talked about me going away all the time and it was fine...until we started arguing. I know she still cares. We have planned it all from the beginning, its the fighting that made this happen, not the fact that im going away.

[vashti]

We have planned it all from the beginning, its the fighting that made this happen, not the fact that im going away.

I doubt that, sweety. The reality of the situation is probably just beginning to occur to her.

[kyl3]

Maybe i didnt get my point across the way i wanted to. I guess its hard for an outsider to know what is going on. Honestly, i think we are going to stay together for now. We have talked about it a million times, i guess i just cant put u in the situation so you'd understand what im talking about. Its complicated. I didnt include all of the details, but it would be too long. Sorry for wasting your time

[nyc123]

i think i mentioned this in a different post earlier, but...
my high school boyfriend and i (though we're no longer together) dated for about a year before he went off to college and i stayed home for my senior year. i was worried about the distance, freaked out, and said we should try an "open relationship" once he got to school. it turns out that once he got there, the long distance thing wasn't as hard as i had expected. in fact, it kind of made our relationship stronger, and we forgot the whole open relationship bullshit.

anyways, what i'm trying to say is that she is valid in her insecurity about your going away. but, there's really NO way of knowing how both of you are going to handle the situation until it actually happens. so, you gotta pick one plan and then after you've been gone for a while, reassess the situation. there's really no way of knowing what is the best plan looking on it from the outside like you guys are doing now.

sounds to me like you two could make this work. she's just scared. how far are you going by the way?

[kyl3]

thanks a lot. That is the type of comment that i agree with. I am going to be a 50 minute plane ride away. I really think we can do it, we just need to focus on the "now" and fix things before the "then". I just need to figure out how im going to bring us back together as close as we were.

[Tiay]

ok, everyone's probably sick of me recapping this...

I started a long distance relationship when I was 18 (I'm 21 now). We're still together, but I can tell you, it can be HARD, and not everyone is cut out for it. You may find that once you're at school you actually want to date other girls. Or, of course, you may not.. I never liked to be told what I'd want by others. But I'm just sayin', things do change.

You need good communication. You can't be arguing about trivial stuff when actually it's the distance you're worried about.

How often will you be able to see each other? after that 1 year, are you going to school somewhere closer, or is this arrangement going to go on for several years of school?

[kyl3]

I will be coming home 6 or 7 times during the school year. When i come home it wont just be one day...it will be at least 5 each time, plus my christmas break is over 3 weeks long..

When we have talked about it in the past, I agreed to get a transfer to a university close to home, if we are still together after this year. So if we are together, next year distance wont be a problem. I just hope she doesnt throw this away. She obviously cares about me because she has been crying a lot since all of this happened. All i can do is wait for her to get back from her cottage at the end of the weekend...and see what she says.

[nyc123]

i know it sounds stupid but the AMOUNT of distance can matter. when my boyfriend went to college 250 miles away, we made it work. when i went to college over 1000 miles away the next year, we didn't. so that also may be a contributing factor. doesn't seem like you're going too far though. good luck. it's a rough situation.

[confused024]

well being 19 I have some experience with your situation. My boyfriend and I are going on our second year at different schools. It's been hard and there hvae been bad fights and break ups but we know we love eacother and that it will work as long as we both want it to. It's really hard I'm not going to lie and there have been moments that I thought it was really the end and that it just wasn't going to work. We both have chenged a lot but we changed together and it can work. Just tell her you love her and you know you two can make this work if you work really hard at it and tell her it's not going to be easy but if you really love someone you make it work no matter how hard things get and no matter how much you may dislike eacother at the moment.

[Tiay]

kyl3, I think my perspective is totally skewed on this, because if I found out that I'd only have to be long distance with my bf for another year as opposed to probably more than three years, and that during that year I'd get to see him 5 to 7 times as opposed to once or twice, and that it was a 50 minute plane ride as opposed to a 7 hour one...

..I'd have a party..!

Hence my view is skewed towards saying "what the heck is her problem?"... But it sounds like it's really hard on her. Well, if she does waste it, it's her loss.

[Junket]

I just told my girlfriend the other night, I don't think I could've continued with the relationship had there been no end in sight.

It's barely a relationship simply because we can't interact beyond phone and IM conversations.

In that aspect, I have a more intimate relationship with my buddies than with her.

[jayson_ang]

The reality of the situation is probably just beginning to occur to her.

[nyc123]

there's also the option of taking the attitude that if it's meant to be, it will be. in that mindset, breaking up for a year can't really mess with fate, right?