Lost that "best friend" connection... any tips on how to get it back?

[Metalhead6six6]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 2 years now, and the last few months have been real tough. She lives 20 miles away, and I just graduated high school, she'll be a senior this year. Luckily my college schedule is only 6 hours a day, two days a week, and I work part time, so I'll have a lot of time to spend with her. What do you people think I can do to help get that connection back? She says that she truly does love me, but just doesn't feel close anymore. I'm really afraid that if I can't get her to feel that way again soon, it's over. We had such an amazing start of our relationship, we hung out for 12 hours a day EVERY day our first summer, and since then, work and school and her moving 20 miles away have really screwed that up, and now this. Any suggestions?

[Gigabitch]

The beginning of a relationship is like a drug for some people. It can be addictive. Infatuation feels like the best thing on Earth, and you want it to last forever. Unfortunately, it doesn't.

You're up against a couple of things, here. First, you're moving on to a new part of your life while she is a year behind. She may not be showing it, but having your high school boyfriend go off to college is really threatening to most girls. You'll be surrounded by all kinds of new girls, while she's still stuck in h.s.

Secondly, you seem to both think that your relationship is hitting the skids just because it doesn't feel like new any more. You're both being unrealistic. Just because you're going through a rough patch doesn't mean you're doomed.

Spontaneity really helps. You're well out of the Honeymoon phase of your relationship, and now is when the real work begins, so get a plan going. If it were me, you could get a lot of mileage out of doing things like leaving love notes on my car and giving me flowers. I don't know what she goes for, though.

Do you?

[blue toxin]

Take Giga's advice, go with spontaneity. I hate to sound like I'm putting you down, but honestly dude 20 miles isn't that far. Then again, I commute every day 35 miles to school. So, ya know, I'm on the road constantly, and to me 20 miles is a hop skip and jump, but I do understand, she's not just next door. But one thing you'll have to realize as you grow older is sometimes the extra time it takes to get from point A to point B for a career job or something is worth it.

Anyway, back to the subject. Spontaneity. I too was in your same position. I was a year ahead of my ex, I went to college (commuted) while she finished her senior year of high school. Giga is right, it is threatening to most girls. So just be there for her, do anything you can to prove to her that the other girls don't matter. Your focus is on her, 100%. Do something for her every once in a while (aka, don't smother her from dawn to dusk with ridiculous attempts to flatter her).

A few things I did are I went to my girlfriend's house when she was at work. Her mom let me in her house, and I let a dozen roses sit on her bed with a card. I also road my bike to her job one day JUST to say hi. (and that's a solid 15-17 mile ride)

Things like that make a difference. Small things are what have the biggest impact. If you walk around and talk about this girl or that girl or some other girl you met, the connection will slowly dwindle to nothing due to her feeling inferior to the other girls you're meeting.

Just make her feel number one. Be proud to be with her, and support her in everything she does.

[Metalhead6six6]

Thank you so much guys, I'll definitely be putting your advice to use!! I'll post again later, in a bit of a hurry right now.

[Metalhead6six6]

So, we're officially on a break now. She said the chemistry just isn't there. She's taking the next week to think things through.. wish me luck

[Gigabitch]

Well, do you think the chemistry is there? I know you love her, but if she's not feeling it, something's wrong. Maybe it's her own insecurities or issues, but it's possible that your relationship has run it's course.

It takes two people to keep it together, but only one to break up. She's just not invested. You can't carry the whole thing on your shoulders.

I say give her a chance to miss you. She wants a break? Give it to her. It doesn't mean you have to ruin out and find another girlfriend. Maybe you could try to enjoy the fact that you might not have to worry any more about how to please this person that clearly doesn't want to be pleased.

I know it hurts- breakups always do, but it is just a break for now.