bit of a dilemma

[miSSleepy]

to put it simply, I love two guys. Is that possible?

I've been in a relationship for over 3 years. We've had ups and downs but ours is one of the most stable relationships I know of. Everything is great and we recently moved in together. I love this guy, we relate, we have tons in common, respect each other and there are no real issues

except for the fact that as of a year ago I've been gradually falling deeper and deeper for this other guy. We have tons in common too and I know that I love him as a person and that this isn't just lust. I was hoping it would be, but as I get to know him I realise that our personalities match as well and I have great respect for him. I would much rather this be superficial but I can safely say now that it's not.

We're friends and have mutual friends so we see each other often. He has a girlfriend and I've tried to judge our interactions as objectively as possible, but I get the feeling my feelings might be recriprocated. We'd get really close one day and then the next time I see him he'd be distant, but then soon again we'd get closer and friendlier and it just keeps on going like that.

I know most people will say to do what my heart feels bla bla bla, and things would be much easier if I liked one guy better than the other. I don't think that's the case. And no I'm not going start being a swinger etc. My bf would never agree to an open relationship and that's not what I want either.

[LostNotFound]

well hel-looo stop getting to know this other guy. duh! unless you want your current relationship to end in which case go for it.

even if you have friends in common just keep your distance.

[Mathias]

You're being a complete jackass to your boyfriend.

[Gigabitch]

You're going to have a hard time finding anyone who is okay with this. There's a reason for that. You're playing with fire.

You need to do some soul-searching and make a choice.

[Alex.ko]

Missleepy, in my country says that friendship guy with girl is UNREAL. You said that you have tons in common and that you became closer and closer with your friend. I don't understand you. Why did you approach with this guy so close if you have bf???? I think you must be more serious in your relationship, more adult. I'm sure in your life you'll run into a lot of men who have tons in common with you. And what are you going to do every time?? In my opinion relationship suggests RESTRICTION. If it's seriously. Love is state, but relationship is process. If i wanted, I would change gf every 6 month for instance. But I don't, to my mind it's more intersting to build strong and interesting relations with my gf. You should study to keep your distance with your friend, if you love someone...

[bohemiandonut]

On a similar note, the girls in Russia are so BANGIN' huh Alex.KO!

[miSSleepy]

Well Alex i understand where you're coming from, but I'm not in your country.

Relationship as restriction? Well yes, in terms of being loyal, faithful, etc. Otherwise I highly disagree that a relationship means one is to push away friends and minimise contact with other people.

Frienship with guys and girls sometimes lead to something more, but it's not true that it's 'unreal'. This guy is one of TEN other male friends I have, and yes they're all real friends and no there's nothing romantic between us.

I didn't willingly approach this guy ... we all happen to do a weekly 'hobby' together and things started from there. It wasn't something I could control.

I've already run into a lot of men that have something in common with me, but I'm not in love with them. That isn't the only thing that attracts me to a person.

In general the responses have been to keep my distance though, and that's probably what I should do. But to do that I'd have to give up this hobby (which means a great deal to me) and give up the friendship of the other guys, AND lose this guy's friendship that means a lot to me as well.

I guess it's a lose-lose situation. Soul-searching here I come.

[Alex.ko]

You must be beautiful girl if you have so many man friends (real!) May you answer one question? How many real female friend do you have?

[miSSleepy]

I have 2 real female friends.
There are other females I talk to, but they're just come-and-go acquintances. I relate better to guys and find it too exhausting to keep up a friendship with many females. Why?

And are you implying that I couldn't have any male friends if I was ugly?

[Alex.ko]

You have some and not so many. In my experience if you were ugly you woldn't have so many male friends. If be honest with this subject. If I relate with girl. Somewhere there deeply in my mind I perceive her as a alternative variant (or she do it). And if she have bf( and she's beautiful), and I haven't then when occasion offers - Maybe she swears whith him then i appear as a best friend and maybe we'll have relationship in future

[miSSleepy]

So if you were friends with a beautiful girl who had a boyfriend, you would hope for a relationship with her in the future if her relationship didn't turn out?
Just making sure I understand correctly.

[Alex.ko]

Don't be so categorical. I said "..Somewhere there deeply in my mind..". It depends on circumstances in my life. But think about it. Why not - i have the best friend girl, i haven't gf, we both like each other, we have fun together, i know her very well better than anyone, i understand her, her moves, her behaviour and she's beautiful. But if i have many beautiful female friends i may choose... it's only exception . Do you remember "Friends"

But now I have gf, she is The Best!!!!

[CAM]

to put it simply, I love two guys. Is that possible?

Hell, it could be worse...I mean Senator Craig is asking himself a question at the moment, "I like dicking my wife AND getting dicked by strangers in the airport bathroom. Will wifey get pissed?"

I guess the point is...don't be a dick about it, figuratively (not anatomically) speaking

[Only-virgins]

to put it simply, I love two guys. Is that possible?

No, it is not. So now that you know the truth...you must figure out which one you love and which one you just think is hot or are obsessed with their personality or lame ego(for women).

[misombra]

you know this all reminds of this discussion i was having with my bf a while back. he says that it's ridiculous that men aren't allowed to marry more than one person. he used all kinds of examples about the good ol days or way back when and stuff like that.

but i was thinking that in this day in age it would be a lot more beneficial for women to have more than one husband. men can barely afford to have one woman nowadays and kids are more of a liability than a benefit. but if a woman were to have multiple husbands she would be able to live well, be healthy, and have very few children and if the father were to leave, well then there's more fathers so who cares?

lol, i don't think he knows what to say to that except, "you're crazy."

anyway, i don't think guys are into that idea too much, so you probably won't convince him to let you have another boyfriend. so i guess you'll have to dump one of them.