Problems with feelings and the past.

[ThisIsMe]

Some information before I start.
-I'm a 19-year-old female.
-My boyfriend is 21.
-We live together.
-We've been together for 4 years...yes, 4.
-We've had issues before about him looking at porn.
-We've had issues before about him lying to me and breaking promises.
-We have look beyond it or tried to and we were very happy with each other until last night.
------
Ok the story.
I'm out of town at the moment so me and my boyfriend we talking through messenger. We decided to play this thing called "1 Million Question Game", it's just where we take turns asking each other questions until we find one topic to talk about or we can't think of anything else.

So we were playing and I asked him about what crushes he had before me. He said none, but I know for a fact that he was talking to my best friend and interested in her before me and im met. I'm not longer best friends with the girl. But I asked him "Well, what about Wendi?". He said he liked her as a friend. I know that wasn't true because my Wendi told me everything about her boy interests. Then he fessed up and eventually got a around where he thought she was hott, that's why he was talking to her...then he got to know her and found out she was flirting with so many other guys. Then he met me and me and him hit it off.

Then once me and him started dating, he talked to this girl Nicole. I didn't mind but through our online conversation, I found out that he had the hotts for her....while he was with me. That really got me upset. I didn't care about the Wendi thing...that was before he met me. But him thinking of other girls when he had his "perfect woman" doesn't seem right to me.

So he lied to me about not having crushes before me. If I didn't mention Wendi or Nicole, he would of left me thinking he didn't have the hotts for either girls. That upsets me a whole lot.

Then further in the conversation, I found out that he first thought I was hott and that's why her persued me. Then he found out that I was an interesting person. I don't like that. Every girl wants to be like because of their personality first, and not their looks...well, smart women. I never went for looks. There were so many guys who were after me for my looks. I thought he was different. But I find out 4 years later that he was like all those other guys.

Also, I asked him if he thought of any other girls while we were together. He said yes and he swore. I keep going in converstaion and I asked who else. He says "no one". But he just said he has.
I kept telling him that he JUST told me he did think of other girls and also that he's checked out other girls while we were together. Then once I ask who, he says "no one". It just gave me a huge head ache. He kept saying "no one" everytime I asked and I kept telling him that he JUST told me he did. I was so upset.

It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, just like most girls feel. I actually wasn't all upset until he started lying.

And the worst part...the whole time I'm asking questions and he doesn't answer. I barely got answers before. I'd ask him a question and he won't answer. I'd ask him to please answer... and nothing. The only times when he'd answer was when I asked "Do you love me?".

What is a girl to do?
I know this is long but it's all the details.
I need help.

[vashti]

Jeezus! Why are you browbeating the poor guy? If you don't want to know the honest answers to your questions, don't ask them. You are training this guy to lie to you.

(BTW - his thoughts are perfectly normal. You need to get some help with that insecurity, though, before you drive him away.)

[muspi_2000]

this is totally what girls do! they ask a question and when they get the answer, then they wont be satisfied with it and quiz the guy and start asking why this and why that.

[MOCAMBO]

lol women and their trick questions!!! I hate it ! lol But yes, cut him some slack for now and ask him in person next time if it bothers you that much. online messengers are not a good place to have these types of convos.

[Mathias]

Jeezus! Why are you browbeating the poor guy? If you don't want to know the honest answers to your questions, don't ask them. You are training this guy to lie to you.

(BTW - his thoughts are perfectly normal. You need to get some help with that insecurity, though, before you drive him away.)

Listen to vashti. She's absolutely dead on here.

[Vain]

Amen. Vashti knows her shit. I was going to say exactly that after reading your post but she took care of it and put it way better than I could of.

[vorguen]

your giving him too much of a hard time! porn is normal, it doesnt meen he's fantasizing about other girls or cheating on you. and about thinking other girls are hot, thats normal. i mean, looking at a pretty girl is more of an "oh, shes attractive" and its not really a "oh wow i want to do her." also be realistic, most people arent willing to date unattractive people, its not always being shallow but its much more difficult for a person to approach another person and ASSUME they have the personality. you see someone, you see the exterior. thats what catches your attention. maybe he learned who you were and thats what he REALLY liked. look at this, he was with you for 4 years!? he couldve easily faked a relationship, had sex with you a few times, gotten his fill, and moved on to the next good looking girl willing to do whatever.

you have to look at the UPSIDES and put yourself in his position. dont be insecure. thinking other girls are pretty isnt a sign of infidelity, it is being REALISTIC. maybe u should cut him some slack, bring this up in person and try to remember the good stuff every once in a while.

ps: u seem to be waaaay to critical / jealous about your boyfriend and anything else that has boobs so maybe thats why he lies to u cuz he knows ull freak out about anything like that.

[vorguen]

oh and uhh alot of times guys dont masterbate cuz theyre horny they do it to relieve some stress, dont add that stress back on him by getting him after for the porn!

[Charlie Boy II]

You are a nightmare girlfriend. Listen to Vashti.

[ExpoNovak]

Every girl wants to be like because of their personality first, and not their looks...well, smart women.

HAHAHAHAHA

Am I the only person who found humor in this statement?

You are lucky to have a boyfriend who doesn't just get up and walk away from the computer when you freak out like that. Oh, and let me explain the porn thing to you. If your boyfriend buys you a purse and you love it, but he catches you "browsing" other purses at the mall is he going to get his feelings hurt because you like to look? No. Just be glad he hasn't bought himself a new purse yet.

On that note, I think its time for me to quit drinking.

[Mathias]

You are a nightmare girlfriend.

This pretty much sums up the thread.