Why the heck did he freak out?

[weirdy]

Ok..this story is long, but I'll keep it as short as possible

So.. Here's the deal:
I'm 20, he's 30. He found out he was my first, and freaked out.

We tried to have sex, I wanted him to wear a condom. He couldn't do a thing (with OR without it).. I was completely out of the mood, expecting pain, not pleasure.. Meanwhile, he was forcing me to give him a blowjob, which I refused.
So, nothing happened.

Afterwards, we had a fight.. I said that I have a feeling we will never see each other again (I wanted to provoke him to say it, cause I saw that he wasn't satisfied with the situation..), but, he said: "I see that that's what YOU want.." I asked him what HE wants, he said he wanted to see me again.

The next day, we had a fight via e-mail (yes, it is stupid as it sounds..but "paper" can take anything), and he said that he was with hundred of women, all kinds of (he actually described all those kinds..ugh..don't ask), and neither of them was as cold as I was. And THAT's why he couldn't have a boner! (whatever..)

He actually thought I was mad because of his..um..inability, but it wasn't true at all. I was mad because he said NOTHING when I told him he was the first..and I knew he wasn't satisfied with that fact.

When we both realized that it was a misunderstanding, I asked him to see me, he said "ok, in two days" (since he had some job to finish..). And that second day, I asked him again, and he said that he has "this strange, indescribable feeling towards me...I was too cold, so now, he's the frozen one".

And also, he said that he doesn't know how he will feel in the future about this.. he will call if he feels the need.

And so, I've said how I can't stand those stand by situations, so I finished the whole thing.

I admit, I was cold. But, I explained why was I like that, and still, he made no effort to understand me. And I understood him, even was prepared to forget all the insults he told me in that awful fight.

Now, tell me guys.. what do you think about all this?


regards,
weirdy

[LostNotFound]

go have make up sex

[weirdy]

I know, that would be great. And, after a fight like this, we would definitely be closer than before.
That's why I called him afterwards....BUT, he freaked out...for some reason..:S

[vashti]

You admit you were cold. There are consequences for bad behavior, and it looks like you are experiencing them.

[weirdy]

You admit you were cold. There are consequences for bad behavior, and it looks like you are experiencing them.

Yes, you're right.
But the situation was..uhm,specific. And he should have understand me. And even though we explained each other how we felt, it was clear that he doesn't care.
And yes..maybe that's the answer to my question.. he simply doesn't give a sh** about me.

[Charlie Boy II]

I reckon you dodged a bullet weirdy. You really want to lose your virginity to a guy who's slept with "hundreds of girls", and who you have to insists wears a condom? A guy who describes these girls to you in great detail to guilt you about your "coldness"? And a guy who tries to force you to suck his dick because he's unable to sustain an erection?

Sounds to me like the Incredible Hulk could a more sensitive and competent de-flowering job than that.

[weirdy]

I reckon you dodged a bullet weirdy. You really want to lose your virginity to a guy who's slept with "hundreds of girls", and who you have to insists wears a condom? A guy who describes these girls to you in great detail to guilt you about your "coldness"? And a guy who tries to force you to suck his dick because he's unable to sustain an erection?

Sounds to me like the Incredible Hulk could a more sensitive and competent de-flowering job than that.

Oh god. Yes. That was the thing I wanted to hear
I agree with everything you've said, Charlie. I just wanted to check if my opinion is true..if I'm objective enough.

Now, when I see it that way.. If we assume that he is obviously not the right one.. Maybe that's the reason he backed up.
Because, in the beginning of the relationship, he acted like he was the nicest person on Earth (and he wasn't very convincing..so maybe that was the reason I was interested.. I wanted to know what's behind that, lol.. )
And so, when he realized that he revealed his true self, he was..say, ashamed.

[vashti]

It sounds like he was unable to get an erection (perhaps anxiety-related over your virginity status?) and wanted you to give him a blow job, and you wouldn't do it, right? (I assume your use of the word "force" was hyperbole.) You both say you were "cold" about it, which leads me to believe he was embarrassed at being unable to achieve an erection, and you were perhaps insensitive. Men are extremely sensitive about impotence. I would disregard anything he said in his frustration. I seriously doubt he has slept with "hundreds" of women. Again, hyperbole.

Since he interpretted your insensitivity as being related to his impotence, I doubt he will ever be able to consummate relations with you...

It sounds like you guys are just not a match, and besides, he was probably too old for you, anyway.

[weirdy]

It sounds like he was unable to get an erection and wanted you to give him a blow job, and you wouldn't do it, right? (I assume your use of the word "force" was hyperbole.)

Actually...no. He was LITERALLY forcing me. Even though I did that to him once, and he knows that I'm not enjoying it.
And about the "too old for me" part.. I disagree. I don't believe that is the problem.. as you said, we only weren't meant for each other, despite that age difference.

[vashti]

I don't understand... he literally tried to FORCE you to perform oral sex (sexual assault) and you come on here and state your problem is that he doesn't *understand* you? Are you kidding?

::slaps self on forehead::

I give up.

[weirdy]

About the "sexual assault" part.. Well, he was forcing me alright, but it was in a ~*playful*~ way.. so maybe it doesn't count as an actual assault. But he made me felt uncomfortable, anyway.

[vashti]

About the "sexual assault" part.. Well, he was forcing me alright, but it was in a ~*playful*~ way.. so maybe it doesn't count as an actual assault. But he made me felt uncomfortable, anyway.

Honestly, you don't sound ready for a sexual relationship. Even if you insist he isn't too old for you emotionally, he is definitely too old for you sexually.

[weirdy]

Honestly, you don't sound ready for a sexual relationship. Even if you insist he isn't too old for you emotionally, he is definitely too old for you sexually.

Ok..can you be more precise? "Too old for me sexually".. What do you mean by that exactly? Personally, I just think that it was a misunderstanding, he didn't understand my needs, and I didn't understand his.. Both of us were pretty much self centered that night.. And afterwards, we both realized what happened. But, it was too late obviously, since we already got the worst possible impression of another.

And one more thing.. about the misunderstanding.. I really think that, as the older, more experienced one, he should definitely have more patience with me, than vice versa. Maybe I'm not objective enough, but I do believe that.

[vashti]

1) You described his sexual playfulness as akin to a sexual assault.

2) You stated you felt "uncomfortable" and don't enjoy sexual behaviors that fall within the realm of normal.

3) You say you were completely not in the mood, expecting pain and no pleasure.

4) You were "cold" about his impotence.

Does this sound like the right circumstances to lose your virginity?

Listen, you aren't "bad", and he may not be a great guy. Sure, he should have been more sensitive, but certainly you can see that a grown man is not abnormal for wanting a blow job. This is why I say he is too sexually mature for you. He is accustomed to behaviors that you aren't interested in providing.

You should find someone with less sexual experience - one that is willing to go at a pace you will not find intimidating, and one who will wear a condom, for crying out loud.

And really, you should be careful about how you frame these scenarios. There is a HUGE difference between sexual assault and what he did.

[weirdy]

...And really, you should be careful about how you frame these scenarios. There is a HUGE difference between sexual assault and what he did.

Umm..you were the one that mentioned the assault thing in the first place, not me..
And of course I'm aware that he wanted me to do a perfectly normal thing, but I also think that it is perfectly normal for me and anyone else to refuse sth if one doesn't feel like it..

Anyway, Vashti, thanx for your comments on the situation, I'm sure you have the best intentions.

regards,
weirdy