New male member with relationship troubles.

[IndiReloaded]

I still need help here - I want to make it work.

I want our friendship ( bonding ) to work long term. Not a full blown affair though, that's not an option.

But only a partial one? LOL. Have you looked up 'emotional affair' yet?

Early in the shift I felt she was avoiding me despite the phone call and when I got chance I asked if she was.

She probably was avoiding you, if she's smart & has any sense of self-respect--and you wouldn't let it drop so she caved.

This Saturday there is a 'works do' for another member of staff who is 40 years old and I have been invited. I know she is

going and I initially thought to go too though I don't usually go to 'works do's' in this employment. I would have been going

only because she would be there.

WTF? This is the kind of thing that guys who are chasing a girl say.

Since learning of this today I have decided that the situation is potentially far too delicate for me to be in the company of her with alcohol taken and I will not be going.

Good. And the fact that you *can't* & feel normal is yet another BIG RED FLAG. We've all been telling you this. You just don't want to hear it, Straight.

I won't risk the newly reformed friendship for a pint or two of beer.

For the record, this isn't called Friendship. Its called Requited Interest Denied. RID for short (my creation, you won't find that on Google, BTW). Get it, tho? The joke? That you should RID yourself of this?

I think this is the leading edge of love as it happens.

Yes I do do love her, of course I do.

Guide me on how to go forward. Give me options. I'm not likely to leave my wife for someone 23 years younger than I though.

I think I'm F***ING crazy.

Straight, you're not crazy. Unable to distance yourself from the emotions of your situation, yes. Lacking in discipline? Yes.

What to do? Well, this depends on those dark corners I mentioned. And those questions about who you are & what matters to you.

I think most ppl would say, tho, that you either need to leave your wife & pursue this woman, if that's really what you want. Or shut it down & get a grip. If you're not going to divorce your wife then you need to stay away from this 'friend'. Its completely disrespectful to everyone & everything about your current relationship.

But I'm biased b/c I took the morally high-handed path. I don't want to sound like I'm judging you (I'm not). I actually feel for you & the emotional mire you are currently in. Its hard to see outside of it. So maybe someone else should give their two cents.

If you ever want to know how I *did* manage to set things right, feel free to PM me.

[straight&56]

Indi
I've Googled emotional affairs as you suggested.

This has hit me like a ton of bricks.

We have been having an emotional affair for over 2 years and neither of us thought of it as an affair.

You are going to think me very naive for a 56 year old but when you had said 'emotional affair' previously I thought to myself surely all affairs are emotional - what I hadn't grasped was that you were meaning 'emotional only and nothing physical'.

Only recently she has said 'it's not as though we are having an affair' - I don't think she is aware of 'emotional only' affairs either.

We have never even kissed.

Truthfully, I am in total shock.

I can see how a spouse would view this as much more serious than an affair where a man or woman would claim 'it was just sex'.

It's also made me realise that the person I was in love with those few years ago - that was an emotional affair too. Though it lasted only a few months I've never completely got over it.

I always thought of affairs as including a physical element.

I can't say anything else for the moment I'm so shocked.
I certainly can't say anything in my defence.

I will return later.