Im mentally and physically beat

[squirrley]

Guess Im just going to vent. Had a huge fight with my husband. Since Labor Day Ive had a daily stress headache and at times severe migraines. I dont eat or get to points where I forget to eat and its going on another 4 days without eating. Im losing weight big time. (which is a good thing for me). Ive got blood coming out in my urine, but no other symptoms. I dont sleep. Im just at my wits end with everything. Ive stayed at the trailer all this week, went by to drop off money to him left he called and we fought.

Yesterday I was applying for a second car loan. AGAIN I had another wrongful thing put on my credit report and just 2 weeks I had won a dispute where something was put on wrongfully. Im busting my ass to straighten out my credit report quickly. I asked my husband to go ahead and put the utilities in his name and he freakn went nuts. I just want to clean things up and get things off ASAP. I have never asked him for money, so why is this a big deal to him? HE was the one who said he'd pay for those things so whats the dif?

Wow he thinks that hes been there for me, but uh Im sorry screwing me and taking me to dinner is NOT being there for me. I try to talk to him about whats going on and he NEVER says anything, Im talking to a wall. He says to me lastnight "because I dont have anything positive to say, I think ALL of your decisions are wrong." WTF? He suggested the 2 households and Im wrong for that now?

I guess the longer Im away from him, the more I see things or realize maybe this isnt right for me. I have such deep thoughts in thinking maybe I do need to ask for a divorce and stay single. He says to me also he doesnt trust me, again WTF? HE'S the one whose lied to me and kept things from me from day one and has continued to do so. Ive never lied to him decieved him or anything of the nature but now Im the one whose not trustworthy? OMFG

Honestly, I wonder if this doesnt have something to do with his bipolar? I dont know. But I cant take anymore. Its been a month and it takes all I can do from wigging out totally. Im not depressed, but wonder if Im not at a high end of anxiety. I function mentally fine at work and relax in the evenings. But Im just so fed up. Its a constant battle when it comes right back to me or Kyle. I dont know if I want to see a counselor, because what I feel is a surmountable amount of stress. LF IS my counselor. It just helps to vent things out.

Gawd I say I dont want a divorce but there are so many issues and my family has been torn apart. Yes time heals, but the issues and underlying problems I dont if I can get past those now. My husband has hurt me to the core. Its not like he cheated on me, but the situation as is hurts even more.

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY................................

[Illusional]

*pokes you with a stick*

haha i might as well kick you when you're down because you won't respond..

wow off the subject but it just started to pour out of no where.

personally i would say f*ck bipolar shit. i hate dealing with that because you're dealing with two different people. if all these dramas is causing you that much hardache, i as always would just say f*ck it and walk away. life is too short to deal with all this crap.. so in turn, next time, just live with someone instead of getting married to them. all the joys if sex and dinner without the total commitment.

raverboy

[squirrley]

Id like to walk...I need a time out and I am taking one.


It is difficult dealing with someone diagnosed with bipolar. All of the ups and downs. Over reactions to things which arent necessary. Its turned evil.

[Moonchild]

Bipolar, huh? Isn't he on medication? That, along with depression, are two major things that really mess up how people interact in their daily lives.

Oh, and losing weight by just not eating is one of the more unhealthy things you could do to yourself. /Eat something./ Put a post-it note on the bathroom mirror if you have to remind yourself. If things can't be all right in your head, at least try to concentrate on making things all right physically. One, it might get you mind off everything a little. And two, you don't want to worry everyone on here, right? How would we know if you just fell over one day? No. Dying. D:<

[Illusional]

question....?? didn't you see the bipolar thing while you were dating him??

raverboy

[squirrley]

I had Kyle go get Taco Bell for me. At least its something!

I didnt know or see the Bipolar in Chris while we were dating. He told me 6 months into our relationship, this is AFTER we had decided to get married. By then I was already in the relationship and it didnt bother me. Of course looking back on things now, I wonder if he wasnt manic when we met,etc. That first weekend was amazing. Ive mentioned it to him and he says he probably was but it didnt make a dif to him concerning us it didnt have an impact.

I've only seen a couple of slumps in the last 2 years but it was nothing to me, I didnt see that is was Bipolar. I can recognize NOW and reflect and see where things were and how and why. But initially I had no idea. I do feel betrayed and decieved. Right now I have had a serious problem with it only because he claims hes so righteous compared to Kyle.

I dont know IF I had known about it right out of the gates would I have continued the relationship? But I feel like at least let me make the decision if its something I think I can handle and he didnt. I couldve walked away when he told me. But there werent any signs of bipolar behavior to me anyway. Now over the last year I see it.

I know the stress levels are high for each of us, but its not an excuse to treat me like shit.

Hes on his meds, but sometimes I wonder. Now I read that Bipolar is being overdiagnosed in children like the whole ADD thing. Im not sure about it. His mom has it severely and severe bouts of ups and downs. Chris says hes on the low level. I dont know, but Im at the point where I feel like I need break from him.

Thanks Moon. I will be ok. Im not depressed just frustrated and f@cked out of mental mind!!!!!

[misombra]

how long did you know him before you married him?

[squirrley]

almost 2 years. Long enough, but like I said I've never seen bouts of real bipolar, he seems normal to me. But under these circumstances things come out.

[Illusional]

i think that is bullshit. it's like if i were to tell a girl that i had aids only after we've had repeated protected sex... then i can tell her that i was being cautious about it and how i didn't want to give aids to her.

with shit like that, you don't f*ck around. total horse shit.

raverboy

[Illusional]

Hi, I'm new in this forum

hahahaha... totally off subject.. nice, but that's the fly ball from left field.

raverboy

[vashti]

Squirrely - I just read this thread for the first time... you need to see a physician. Visible blood in the urine is NOT a normal finding. You may have a severe UTI or kidney infection, kidney stone, or it could be a result of the medication you are taking for your migraines. What are you taking?

[Gigabitch]

He says to me lastnight "because I dont have anything positive to say, I think ALL of your decisions are wrong." WTF? He suggested the 2 households and Im wrong for that now?

Wow. How passive-aggressive is that? You look like the bad guy here because you "made the decision" to have two households, but he was responsible for the circumstance that forced the decision in the first place. That really pisses me off.

I don't know if this will help, but in my opinion you shouldn't divorce him just yet. Yes, his bipolar thing is a big deal, but you did marry him, and I'll bet that "for better or for worse" was part of your vows. He should be dealing with it with a doctor, and you should insist that he do this. If he won't deal with the problem, drag his sorry ass to marriage counseling. I can see how this whole thing would make you want to just walk away, but I still hold out hope for your relationship. Don't give up until there's no more hope. That makes divorce much easier- it's just paperwork at that point. I don't think you're there yet.

You have got to eat more regularly. Failure to take care of your body is going to make you sketchy and weak when you really need your strength. I skipped a lot of days eating last year, and it didn't do me any good. Buy a can of Ensure and threaten yourself with it, "Okay, Squirrley, if you don't eat, you have to drink that."

It sucks that Chris is making himself your biggest problem now when his job is to have your back. I feel for you.

[Tiay]

just saw this. woah, that sucks. I am utterly unqualified to give advice, but I feel for you. And please eat some healthy food and go to your doctor. Even if its not a proper meal, snack on something nutrient dense and healthy, like a packet of almonds. Being physically unwell will make you mentally unwell, don't go down that downward spiral.

[vashti]

My daughter had to drink Ensure for a while because she was rapidly losing weight due to some health issues - she liked the chocolate flavored.

[squirrley]

Thanks you guys! I have lost almost 20 pounds in 3 weeks. I do like that part, becuase everyone says how great I look! Im still not eating the way I should. I HAVE to make the effort to eat at least once a day. There have been days even now which I just dont eat. The blood thing is just about gone. Im hoping that was something small. But its not as prevelant as it was.

As for the other things, Im not sure where I stand. Because I am gone alot, I find myself just pulling away more, not intentionally. But when I do come here on the weekends, I dont feel as though its my home. And I dont feel the closeness with Chris either. When I do come here, I still have unresolved issues about the fact he wont allow my son to come home. So Ive made the other place my home.

Im not ready for a divorce. But Im not also ready to say everything is ok. I think at some point we will need counseling. I know we will and he has agreed to it. It makes me angry because he says I need to get past what his mom said to my son, but what about everything else? Then why cant he get past my son and let him come home? Its ****ed up.

My son still comes first. My marriage last. Im trying desperately to get my health back.

Im getting there slowly but surely. Its all about getting myself together. I know Chris senses Im pulling farther away, I think thats why he's mentioned me working with him. (another thread). I am taking care of myself, or at least making a better attempt at it! Promise!

Thank you all for your input, it helps so much to have those reinforcement! Love you all