Honest Answers Please

[FireAndRain23]

Does not having sex affect your realtionship? If your gf isnt having sex with you bc of personal beliefs (waiting till marriage) does it matter? How important is sex and why? Do you feel emtionally connected? could a sexless realtionship work? (oral sex excluded as well) Honest answers pleaseeeeee

[miSSleepy]

it depends on the people
some people find sex necessary, some don't.
Personally, I couldn't be with someone who wanted to wait until married etc, because their not my beliefs, and I'd find lack of sex detrimental to my relationships. But others would see things differently. The only solid answer I can give you is that, whatever your beliefs are, your relationship is more likely to be successful if your partner holds matching beliefs.

[Illusional]

i don't believe in god so i never will have that chance to wait till marriage. however, if i was with a girl that really wanted to wait, and if i loved her that much then i'd wait. it's a good thing that i've never met a girl that wanted to wait till marriage though.

raverboy

[Al Pacino]

from my opinion sex is complementary to love relation, because love classified into 2 things, feelings, emotions and body connection, if love existing there is no matter if happened before or after married ..

[misombra]

are you a james taylor fan fireandrain?

[miSSleepy]

love classified into 2 things, feelings, emotions and body connection,

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[Tedel]

If she told me she wanted to wait until marriage, I would find that honorable and very charming. Disgracefully, it is not very common.

The question for me is not to have or not to have sex. The question for me is why do you want to have sex. If you think about it from this point of view, then new cards are laid on the table, bringing new things to think about.

Catholic as I am, I agree on sex within marriage only; but, besides that, I can find very appealing in a woman the fact she wants me to respect her in such an old-fashioned yet very valid way to show your love.

OMG... I just hope that didn't sound too cheesy.

[Junket]

OMG... I just hope that didn't sound too cheesy.

Cheeseball.

Anyway, I haven't engaged in anything beyond oral sex with my girlfriend. I haven't been on the receiving end yet, and to tell the truth aren't quite sure what her views on that are.

I've been satisfied with what we've shared, my problem I think is that because I never achieve the release, I'm always ready and roarin' to go. So even if we're just cuddling after I've gone down on her, my john still might be at full attention.

That's frustrating because I'd like to just enjoy the moment more, but my mind is still distracted. Not all the time, but alot of it.

However, in my opinion a relationship that's lacking in physical intimacy is nothing more than a very dedicated friendship.

[GrkScorp]

Does not having sex affect your realtionship? If your gf isnt having sex with you bc of personal beliefs (waiting till marriage) does it matter? How important is sex and why? Do you feel emtionally connected? could a sexless realtionship work? (oral sex excluded as well) Honest answers pleaseeeeee

Well, it depends on ALOT of different factors. I mean, I guess to find all the factors, most anyway, you would have to first look at geography. Where a person is and lives has alot to do with how they would look at this issue. Secondly, urban vs. rural plays a huge role. The third largest factor would have to be the quality of male that he is. If he's not exactly an alpha-male, then chances are, he won't mind that much; (better than nothing mentality). But if he has a great job (or job outlook), comes from a great family (female version of great family = lots of money), is very good looking, has a great personality and is very charming, and has well (other good qualities to him) let's just leave it at that; then chances are, he's getting attention by other women; and the idea of SEX is always there.

But again; notice how all these other factors would play a role. If it's an Urban setting, chances are people are more liberal, there are many more people to begin with, so your mentality will not be likely to win you over a guy. Then, the geographic mentality also plays a role. If you are in Georgia vs. New York or California; people have a different idea of social norms.

Now, more generally; I live in New York, and at first, I would respect the fact that a woman would want to wait until marriage to have sex. But after a week goes by, a month, two months even, the fact that i'm not having sex would eventually get to me. Don't forget, sex is a form of "bonding"; and yes, it "is" very important in a relationship; especially for younger couples (under 35). This is not just my opinion; but I have seen guys just end things, or relationships go sour when there was a "lack" or sex, nevermind the total absence of it!

[Moonchild]

Does not having sex affect your realtionship? If your gf isnt having sex with you bc of personal beliefs (waiting till marriage) does it matter? How important is sex and why? Do you feel emtionally connected? could a sexless realtionship work? (oral sex excluded as well) Honest answers pleaseeeeee

Depends on the people involved. Personally, I won't have sex before marriage, and I've mostly dated people who share that view. It's been said before, and I'll say it again--it's more a matter of whether the views of the two involved match than whether there's sex or not. None of the people I've dated minded that I didn't want to have sex. Whether it's important depends on the people involved. I've still felt what I considered a relatively deep emotional connection--and had three relationships last a year or more--without sex*. Sexless relationships can and do work. When my parents met, my dad was on a business trip to England. So when he went back, not only did they have a sexless relationship because of their respective beliefs, they also weren't able to even see each other for the longest time. But they still dated for ages, they did what they could, and they obviously did it well--they've now been happily married for more than twenty years. Very happy ending for a once sexless relationship. =)

*An important thing to remember about that, with reference to the poster above me, is I'm nineteen. Sex is not important to me, nor was it important for them. And the one I dated during my senior year in high school was actually the one most against the idea of sex before marriage.

Gotta love ignoring the "Ask a Male" part of this forum. XD But referring back to what I said, I've never had sex. With either gender. Maybe I count in the attracted-to-women way...

[IndiReloaded]

First of all, the answer depend on your age & maturity level. But in general:

Does not having sex affect your realtionship?

Yes

If your gf isnt having sex with you bc of personal beliefs (waiting till marriage) does it matter?

Its a valid choice. So is yours whether you want to wait (for her) or not.

How important is sex and why?

Basic human need.

Do you feel emtionally connected?

Sex can enhance this when present.

Could a sexless realtionship work? (oral sex excluded as well)

Sure, its called friendship. Which won't work if one is horny for the other.

[GrkScorp]

Does not having sex affect your realtionship? If your gf isnt having sex with you bc of personal beliefs (waiting till marriage) does it matter? How important is sex and why? Do you feel emtionally connected? could a sexless realtionship work? (oral sex excluded as well) Honest answers pleaseeeeee

Hmm.. I wanted to say this in the morning, but I actually had to leave my house in a hurry, so my response was quite rushed.

The concept of waiting for sex until marriage arose in ancient society; where women would be socially forced to wait for sex until marriage (when their father would find a husband for his daughter). The concept expanded in England. In fact, if you are a Chauser & Milton fan, you will note the word "fornicate" in middle english ment to (have sex with someone outside of wedlock). Sex with someone during wedlock (aside from your husband/wife) was "adultery". The church actually enforced punishment against both. However, women in society who committed either act were shuned; only with adultery, women would find support from other women. With fornication, women would be shunned alltogether. So there were litterally decades of society & the church trying to keep women sex-less until marriage.

In fact, this is a sexist view that generated from men thinking that women were not sexual creatures; and that they had no desire, and very little if any, to have sex for pleasure.

All you are doing by not having sex, is preserving that sexist ideal till this day; by falsely "thinking" that you are being a good christian or whatever..

Now, I would agree with you if you said you were waiting to have sex with the right person.. There is nothing wrong with saving that for the person you feel completes you. But remember, it can take years from the time two people meet to get engaged, and then months for them to get married. A HUGE part of that (initial) bonding process [which lasts 6months to a year], is sex. Sex for pleasure is a very shallow and narrowminded media-driven view of sex to try and prevent women from going out and having sex. In reality, sex is a wonderful thing between two people who are in love with eachother. Yes, it's ment to create children, and it happens to feel good (sometimes), but those two aspects sum up only 1% of sex. Sex is important for bonding.

Think of it as how children need to be touched and huged, and held, etc. when they are small.. so that they can bond with thier parents. With two people, sex is nature's way of helping keep the bonding long-term.. Without sex, two people would not be able to be happy with eachother, and would leave; leaving the children in a poor environment for survival. However, sex promotes good feelings amung two people, strong emotional bonds, and maybe even strong pleasure bonds (if sex happens to feel amazing).. This is very important for holding an entire family together; non-the-less a marriage.. But it has to start soon.. more importantly.. within the first 6 month window! [this is the critical bonding period]!

In the past, waiting until marriage was a good option, because marriage was often fixed.. Your parents found you a man; you may have even been able to say yes or no if you were lucky.. but it was only a matter of days until you were married.. and after you were married; you actually got to meet and get to know the person.. So the first 6 months of the relationship [critical bonding period] started after marriage!

This isn't the case in today's world.. Marriages are not fixed; you have choice which is a good thing. But, when you meet someone, and you start to like them, and feel they are right; it may be months or even years before you both feel that way (and know that the feeling is mutual).. In that time, you NEED to form a strong bond with that person; so him AND you can feel a stronger longer-lasting connection with eachother. Why? because this is the only chance you'll get. The [critical bonding period] has a limited time frame, and in today's society, that timeframe is outside & before marriage occurs.

So; you might want to consider revising your noble goals to waiting for that right person, rather than marriage..

[Junket]

Scorp pwned the prudes.

[FireAndRain23]

Great answers. I appreciate it much.

I always felt as if i should wait untill marriage.(the whole u become "one" )

I'm 25 and its more of waiting for the right person who i love to share my body(hopefully it will be with the same person i marry).

Im rather confused lol. Thanks for the insight I appreciate it.

[Moonchild]

All you are doing by not having sex, is preserving that sexist ideal till this day; by falsely "thinking" that you are being a good christian or whatever..

...

So; you might want to consider revising your noble goals to waiting for that right person, rather than marriage..

Some people are good at pretending to be nice and then turning out to be complete sluts. I'd rather not run the risk of being some conquest or number for a jerk simply because he (or she) happens to be a very good liar. Then you have the STDs and the pregnancy and the "if you don't have sex with me, you don't love me enough"s. I'd rather stay out of all that, thanks. Also, I've had multiple year-long relationships, as stated in my previous post. I'm waiting for the right person--and want the right person to commit to me by not only an emotional bond, but a legal one. Six months in, I still feel that the person I'm with is wonderful--but the fact that I'm single now proves that they weren't quite so. The right person will be the one I end up with. The right person will be the one I marry. No one sooner.

*I forgot to mention. I simply don't care. I'm not so horny that I'll ever have a sexual urge I won't be able to take care of by myself.