Totally confused

[totalyconfussed]

As my username states, i am totally confused! i met this girl about two months ago. since we met we have been having sex- and it is great sex! She also has a fantastic personality and we get on really well. While we are not officially gf and bf she told me last night that she has fallen for me.

I've always stated that i don't want a gf and that it was always just about having fun. I decided to do the "decent thing" and not mess her about. I told her that it was probably best that we don't contact each other anymore as i can't give her what she wants. I genuinely don't want to hurt her.

Trouble is, even as i was telling her, the thought of not seeing her again actually made me feel sick and empty. I hardly slept last night and still feel sh*t this morning.

I just need some advice on what i should do. Do i miss always having someone there to text, hang out with or sleep with or do i have genuine feelings for her? Help!!

[Al Pacino]

i dont have comment here ... except if you thought you will lose her that mean you have a feeling towards her ...

[squirrley]

Its obvious you have some feelings for her otherwise you wouldnt be feeling so bad for saying it. BUT you also did what you felt was best for yourself and you were honest with her. I give you a pat on the back for at least telling her now rather than later. If you honestly do NOT want a relationship with her the best thing you could do was to end it. You would be an ass for staying with her just to use her for sex. Most of gals even when we say oh yea its fine we can just be friends with benefits, just really cant. We do become emotionally attached once we've crossed into the sex stuff!!

My suggestion would be is to tell her EXACTLY why if you talk to her again, you chose to end the relationship. That you are not looking for something serious and you do NOT want to hurt her. But you have to be honest with her, because some males have a tendency to lie about shit and dont want to look like the bad guy. Youre not the bad guy when youre honest. PLEASE dont tell her "Its not you." That line is now like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Im sure youre going to feel bad for a little bit, you were having a great time with her. I bet after awhile you may realize you have stronger feelings for her, if not, at least you did the commendable thing and are saving some emotional pain in the long run.

[bethfromEngland]

I appreciate you being honest with her,i wish more men were like that.i am in a situation at the moment where i'm wondering what happened with a guy because he hasnt text me for just over a week,and he hsnt actually said he doesnt want to see me anymore,he's just said he's had to do something else when i've asked him to meet up the last couple of times.I am always honest with people and dont like people playing games or not being willing to talk about things.i've known him for nearly 7 weeks and he was really keen for nearly four weeks,but for the alst few weeks he hasmt been as bothered

you may feel bad about what you said but think of it this way,she might have felt worse if you had lied to her or just not contacted her at all.i agree with what squirelly said,tell her exactly why you decided to end it but that you dont want to hurt her and you are sorry if you have hurt her.

i really wish the guy i met had been like you

[Gigabitch]

Can I ask why you're just about having fun and don't want a girlfriend?

[luthur1]

I am sure some of us here would die for a chance to find someone whom they could have such a great time with... imagine, would you have kicked yourself years from now looking back, if you would have let this one go? while finding someone to have sex with is easy, finding someone whom u can have a great time with isn't. If using the term "love" sounds to subjective, all you need to ask then is, are you happy with her? I do give you credit for being honest, but you might want to re-think the roots of why you don't want a girlfriend. Is it just the commitment thing or something greater?

[icarus9]

Alright, I'm as totally confused as you are about that whole situation as well.

We said our "agenda" before getting into it as "im not looking for any relationship or commitment whatsoever." You pretty much had the upper hand. And if she agreed to it, you said your piece...

Bet it was fun.. I bet sex was great [as I read in the magazine, couples that are not in so called "relationship" title have better sex than those who are. Reason being: when you have sex with them you act like its the last time you'll ever going to see them, you might not think of it that way but in the back of your head... thats what it is, coz its challenging... you want to be the Best if ever they go somewhere else, you want to leave a mark, that you've given them the best orgasm ever, so theres always the rough, edgey, passionate sex.

Thats great you told her where you stand, and not left her in the dark and lead her on. But the most confusing of all that is making sure if you really miss her or you just miss "somebody" to be around you. Dont get me wrong feeling like somebody cares for you, hold your hand, look at you in the eye knowing that they know who you are and accept it, its a great feeling. But you have to be fair!!!

If you know you are not ready for any commitment then dont do it. If she's the type of person that seems she has the drive to be with you fully, without any bullshit.. make sure your in the same page, that you will give your time, your mind and everything she needs so none of you will get hurt. Coz its not just her, she'll get hurt more than you but yourself as well. If you already have those feelings that even if its "sometimes" you just want to be alone and you dont want to deal with any drama for now, and no matter how great she is you still have "doubts" whether or not you want to be with her and thats a sign. "Doubts" once you have them from the beginning...... dont even pursue in going at it. The other person doesnt deserve to be with you or with any guy thats HALF SURE. Bec. later down the road, if you do get with her, it will slowly creep on you.... that doubt you had from the very beginning. And you've gotten so deep with her as a couple, no matter you dont want to hurt her, you'll stay and wait for her to end it.... and then if you couldnt wait instead of ending it in a good note, things we'll start to be more confusing to you and might end up hurting her the way you wouldnt want to.

Hope I help you in a way. Goodluck

[totalyconfussed]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Of all the points made, Icarus- you really got me thinking with " But the most confusing of all that is making sure if you really miss her or you just miss "somebody" to be around you. I have got used to waking up to a text from her every morning, going on dates with her and having regular sex with her. Now i just have to get out of this "routine".

Icarus - If you ever fancy a career change, i recommend becoming a relationship counsellor!!

[icarus9]

Thank you Totallyconfused, Im glad I can help. I'll keep the relationship councilor in consideration. heeehee.

[vashti]

I think you should look up threads made by Aegis. He has a similar story to you.