love at first sight? and a little more.

[alidile]

Though I am aware that because we have feelings it doesn't mean we should act on them and I don't plan on acting on instinct, but I feel my instinct has led me to this conclusion or it will end up leading to this place....
the place is, well, the question is, is there really love at first sight?
secondly, for those who are sexually active, how long before you would say before "getting it on" is appropriate, of course this will vary, but as in this situation it is not a first time, nor a second.
any thoughts on either?

[bluesummer]

Lust at first sight? Okay. Love at first sight? No.

Love is the result of coming to fully know, understand, respect, and trust someone. Tell me how you can do that by just laying eyes on a person? I don't even understand people who claim to have 'fallen in love' after dating someone for a few weeks or even a month or two. I call that infatuation.

As for your second question, I generally make it a rule not to sleep with someone on the first two dates. And the funny thing is, I've realized I hold out longer on the ones I really like. But it's completely situational.

[Gigabitch]

I don't believe in love at first sight. I remember the first time I ever saw my boyfriend. I thought he had a killer smile and I wanted to jump on him immediately, but that's not love, is it? I strongly believe that people who romanticize this immediate sexual attraction are perpetuating the whole "love at first sight" myth, and it's not doing anyone any favors.

And I think the sex timetable is quite flexible. Some relationships require delicacy, gentle handling, not moving too fast. Others are quite successful starting out with a bang, so to speak. The guy I'm with now got his hand down my pants on our first real date. We had spent a bit of time together before that, drinks after work or stuff like that, but as soon as we were alone together, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Totally naked horizontal bop by the second date.

For you, alidile, though, I would recommend going slow. You're a really independent girl, and sex tends to tangle people up and blur the boundaries quite a bit.

[squirrley]

Gawd I'll be ridiculed here on this one but I'll put it out there. When I met my husband, I KNEW. Had this undeniable instinct he was the one and knew that first weekend. A year and half later we were married. Granted problems now with my son, but I had no doubt. Of course I only doubt now because of the issues we are facing with my son. Logic says its not really possible but it does happen.

My husband wasnt the typical person I was typically attracted to physical wise, but everything else I was. His personalty everything. And it has worked. We work through things and are working on something pretty big now.

If I had to do it over again, I think I might have taken more time to get know him and allow the relationship to develop. Although we had almost 2 years for it to develop there were things which were kept from me and a part of me does resent it. The past his is past and has no bearing on us. But the secrets I just dont like.

Relationships need certain aspects to develop into something long term, not just the sex. I would strongly encourage anyone who feels the strong desire to take their time. Not to rush into anything!!!

[Mish]

I think it depends on what is deemed by term "love", since it can mean so many different things to different people. I think it's posible to love someone at first sight based on just a very limited understanding of the person, their personality and frame of reference. Sometimes its instinct, sometimes its acts of selflessness that the person does right there and then. But once again, word "love" will mean something different to most people.


Personally, an experience I had with an ex can be desrcibed as love at first sight. It lasted for awhile until it got extinguished by the winds of change.

[alidile]

hmmm i will try to stay away from the sex for now... it doesn't help that he won't leave it alone though.

[Junket]

hmmm i will try to stay away from the sex for now... it doesn't help that he won't leave it alone though.

If he won't leave it alone and you're trying to, maybe you either have to have a talk, and if that don't work, bail.

[alidile]

oh no no no, i mean it's not like he's pressuring me, not at all, it's not that kind of situation. it's just more of a "if i want to and you want to then why not"

[IndiReloaded]

Yep. Pressuring you when you've been clear is disrespectful.

And, nope, no love at first sight. The only ppl in my life that I would claim to 'love' are those I've gotten to know over a long period of time, usually years.