old friends

[Illusional]

ok... so recently one of my friend's mother just died and there was a funeral... the funniest part about it was that i never went to her funeral. yes, it is shocking to many of you, but would you care to know why??

first some background... (the really really short version) my good friend got his first gf... and POOF.. bye bye friend.

back to the matter.. so after growing apart from my friend, i find out through the grapevine that his mother had died and there was a funeral that had already passed... being that we were supposedly good friends about a year ago, how do you not tell someone of this?? more so, i heard that he's engaged now. shit, if i were to get engaged i personally would keep it a secret so i could continue sleeping with people.. j.k. honestly though, i would tell everyone friend or foe.

now this is the part that gets me, i just asked him for his home address so i could send a card because i couldn't play any respects to his mother. he gave it to me, and then we chatted about nothing... this entire conversation took place over aim and was about 2 minutes long. as i sit here now, about to send this card, i question this guy is not my friend anymore. i'm sure that we are "cool" with one another, but i've already decided that i'm not going to his wedding long before today. call it scorn or whatevers, but usually i'm not a bitter person.

i guess in the end i just can just sit back and laugh.. haha... f*ck my friend because i have nothing more to say about it.

raverboy

[anachronistic]

friends grow apart, illusional. it's a part of life. i don't talk to my best friend much anymore, since i moved away. i still care about him, even though he never responds to my attempts to chat.

i hope you still care about your old bud, too.

[Gigabitch]

Like you, Illusional, I live in the place where I grew up. It's littered with people in varying degrees of emotional proximity. I run into people at the grocery store I haven't seen in two years and remember I was supposed to go to their party or something and couldn't make it and realize they're probably mad at me.

This used to cause me quite a bit of anxiety.

A few years ago, though, I began to practice what I call the Conservation of the Self, which was all about me taking a much more active and decisive role in my own social life. If I want to keep in touch with someone, I make an effort to. If they don't keep up their end, I make a conscious decision about what to do about it. Either I really try to reconnect or I weed them out. If they've been weeded, I literally do not care any more about them. They've been thrown on the "acquaintance" pile.

I suggest you weed your old friend out and throw him on that pile. Sounds like you already have, actually, but it seems like it hurt your feelings a bit. I think making it by your own choice might help with that.

[DoesntMatter]

How long have you known this person for? Relatively recently? My best friends I've known since preschool and I still chat with them.

One of my recent so called "friends" did something to me recently that I won't even say, but proved that he wasn't a friend but a worthless piece of shit. I'm guessing you've only known this person since middle school or later.

[squirrley]

Ive had friends like that. Friends come and go! But youre truest friends will always keep in contact no matter the distance or time. Hes one to put in the tickler file! Men typically dont do weddings anyway Raver.

[Illusional]

haha i like that idea giga...

to answer some questions, i was pretty close with this guy. we have the same damn birthday and every year we would get fuct up together.

things all changed when he got his first and only gf. sure, in the beginning you will spend a lot of time with him, but i guess this IS still the beginning for him. we basically has no friends anymore, other than his gf's friends. how pathetic is that?? so after he said f*ck all his friends, i gave him a chance and became cool with him again... only for him to give me another shaft.

i won't even put him in the acquaintance category, he's going into the trash can.

raverboy

[miSSleepy]

Yeah, I've had a really good friend back in highschool who just decided she ddn't want to be friends anymore, simple as that. One day she just stopped talking to me. I did everything I could to get our friendship back, and even to this day I get mopy when I think about it because we were like sisters.
My current best friend I've known since 8th grade. She's moved to another city to go to university, but we're still best friends and make sure everyone knows it. Everytime she visits it's like she never left. I have a feeling we'll have this friendship for life, because it's already withstood so much.

[vashti]

I think this is a really common thing to have happen, Illusional. Your friend may have viewed you as more the "party guy" who represents a different period in his life. He is moving into the domestic mode.

As for me, I have lost several girl friends when they divorce their husbands. It seems married people don't fit in with their new way of life, either. Sucks, doesn't it?

[Illusional]

yup i've already accepted it. i'm done with beating around the bush when he actually comes to me in need of hep. i'm moving on now because i don't live my life in the past.

raverboy

[misombra]

most people come and go. look out for the ones who have been there the whole time. the ones who would go to hell for you. and put your energy toward them.

[Illusional]

yup... but unfortunately the last five or so years were just thrown down the drain. in the back of my mind, i always knew he was gonna bitch out when he finally got a gf, but to turn your back on all his friends..that's something that i never expected.

raverboy

[misombra]

that's how people do it.

here one day, gone the next...

[nintendozelda]

i have nothing to comment....

[DoesntMatter]

that's how people do it.

here one day, gone the next...

That's because family values have disintigrated

My parents always had their family their, and the same will hold true for me.

It's really a pity

[Illusional]

personally i'm not close to my family. we all work different hours and we never to get eat at a sit down together, unless it's a birthday or some outting.

however, i think that when the time of needs arrives, those are the time that people bond together.

raverboy