Fed up with undecisive son

[squirrley]

ok, he WAS suppose to go active asap. That changed like a tamppn. Now he says he wants to wait til june.WTF? I can no longer enable my son to screw up. I told him I was moving out the end of this month, get a rommmate. He tells me this morning he cant afford it but can afford a payment on 4 wheeler! Geezuz Im spent with him. I totally feel as though Ive done beyond the call of duty of motherhood. He can move in with his neighbor. Then I was worried about the cruise, he cant go, but why should I not go because of his **** up? HEll no now.

As it stands, he's withdrawn from HS today, theres still a shot IF he passes the ACT he can graduate. But he's signing for the GED for Dec. Ok Kyle but you need to find other living arrangements.

Im NOT going to enable him anylonger. I feel moving out will get him going with his life sooner. Im pissed that he cant afford partial rent but he can now afford a payment for a 4 wheeler! BS. My mom is furious with me because Im going to to go on the cruise. WHY should I give up something Ive wanted to do for years because Kyle messed up? Thats not fair to me. Ive gone beyond the call of duty for motherhood. Screwed my credit score for him, etc. Its time to let him go and face the real world. Hes going on 19 and acting like he's 12. If I continue to live here it will only prolong what he needs to do. If I put him in an uncomfortable situation for a few weeks Im hoping it will give him a kick in the ass to go sooner!

Am I bad mom because Im mocing out and letting him fend for himself? Because Im going on the cruise without him? Why should I reward him for something like THAT with his attitude and lack of respect? Am I wrong here?

[Gribble]

He sounds like he deserves a kick in the pants.

[vashti]

I though the was under 18... Since he's not, I say it's time to let him learn how to act like a grown-up by allowing him to accept full responsibility for himself, which includes rent on his own. That is the only way some kids learn.

And yes - you SHOULD go on a cruise. You have an ADULT child - not a baby.

[Illusional]

hell no..he's 18 and he should be thinking for himself. stop babying him. he will need to learn sooner or later that he's already an adult.

raverboy

[squirrley]

Thank you Thank you Thank you! I NEEDED some of you guys to say that to me. Just reassure me that what Im doing is the BEST thing for him and not abandoning him. URGH...Im going on the cruise. My mom is livid Im going *the whole mother in law bs" BUT hey he ****ed up not me! My moms pissed because kyles taking the GED while were gone. What the hell is the difference if he were in college taking a final exam? SAME THING!

thanks you guys!

[vashti]

He needs to be more invested in his future than YOU (or your mom). All the worrying and hand-holding in the world won't help if he isn't personally motivated.

[Illusional]

moms are supposed to be worrisome. shit, my mother is worried that i won't have a job nor a steady future because i got rejected for a future career and i'm willing to give up my current one for a trip to japan.

children love to live their lives are times, but parents worry too much too. in your case squirt, you should do as you want and sometimes enjoy..

raverboy

[vashti]

I didn't realize once you joined the military, you could decide when to go... I thought you signed up, and off you went...

[Illusional]

that's what i also thought.

raverboy

[Charlie Boy II]

why the f-ck anyone would join the army is beyond me.

[squirrley]

He has a signed contract to leave in June 08. Depending IF he passes the ACT or GED he go in earlier, they just redo the contract as early entrance and its more money. THATS what Im trying to do now.

I tried to talk to him today and he told me to "shut the hell up, I dont want to talk about it, its my life!"

It is his life, but the problem I have is that I am no longer going to support him financially. As a mom, I went out and rented a place for HIM and am paying all of it. I have his NEW car in my name. Im a dumbass is it what it is. IF he passes he can go early and or just wait til June. But Im not going to financially support him til then either. He cant even afford this place WITH a roommate. I EVEN offered to rent this place one more month and talk to my husband about him coming home for a few weeks if he left in Jan. He blew up at me. This is where Im done.

My dad wants me to take the car, how the hell do I do that? How do I get the keys? Theres a part of me that doesnt want to do that, he needs to get to work to pay for the damn thing. Im making excuses I know, but geezuz....I just dont know anymore.

[Gigabitch]

I think that as long as he was still in high school, you had a responsibility to be mommy. If he's going for a GED, that responsibility is done with. Now and forever, you're just mom. Different relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

I though the was under 18... Since he's not, I say it's time to let him learn how to act like a grown-up by allowing him to accept full responsibility for himself, which includes rent on his own. That is the only way some kids learn.

And yes - you SHOULD go on a cruise. You have an ADULT child - not a baby.

This is what I would have said too.

[GrkScorp]

I though the was under 18... Since he's not, I say it's time to let him learn how to act like a grown-up by allowing him to accept full responsibility for himself, which includes rent on his own. That is the only way some kids learn.

And yes - you SHOULD go on a cruise. You have an ADULT child - not a baby.

To be honest with you, i'm not a big fan or a rough upbringing; but I agree with Vash on this one.. your son needs to have his chord clipped.. "let go of mommy for good"..

Go on your vacation, get his stuff out of your house.. and do not care where he lives.. Seriously.. do this today.. Legally; the house is yours, so you have the right to do this.. If he takes you to court (if he's smart enough).. you can hit him back by claiming you gave him a 30-day notice.. (type one up today.. it has to be in writing).. "it's your word against his"..

Why should you be rough? As much as Indi is going to get Biological on me.. lol.. it's simple economics (game theory).. He's calling your bluffs.. Everytime you make a threat, he knows it's not REAL.. because you love him.. so you need to start showing him that you don't.. yeah.. that's right.. I've been kicked out of the house; had to sleep outside.. i've been beat.. and for meaningless sh*t like getting under a 95 on a math test.. or not taking care of the dishes or the trash.. I would have been killed in my house if I was in your son's situation..

You need for first let him understand that mommy is not there for him anymore.. (he won't be able to make it.. and he'll realize it ALOT after than he would with you pampering him).. While he's struggling, make him an offer "if you pass HS, you can come move back in with me; but until you do, you're on your own".. Chances are.. he'll let go of his 4-wheeler to make end's meat, pass HS, and move back in.. OR, he'll make it on life on his own.. (he won't starve to death.. because if he's spineless, he'll accept the easy way out.. which is YOUR offer.. and he IS spineless, 1. because he's pampered, 2. because he's 19 & still in HS)..

Now, you offer should not stop there.. Have a talk with him.. I don't think he understand how important it is for a MAN to be able to have a steady job and provide.. (I mean, how is he going to compete with other guys for women???)..

When he moves back in.. after he's earned it.. entice him to apply for college and do something with his life.. by offering to pay for it, for as long as he keeps his GPA over a 3.0 (reasonable)..

[Junket]

Tell your mom to fúck off and tell him stop bein' a little bitch.