how can i make my boyfriend feel ok about oral sex?

[Becca]

my bf and i have been together for 7 months now and have an active sex life - but he has a problem performing oral sex on me. i've got a brazilian, have showers just before we make out, have dressed up and have even bought flavoured lube - and he's only done it once for like 30 seconds! he says he had a bad experience the only time he's ever done it to some random on holiday in a shower - but i don't know what was so bad about it and i can't really stomach asking him anymore about it. it's ruining my self esteem!! i've tried talking about it with him, but part of it is fear of being bad at it and the other part seems to be something to do with the taste. please help!

[vashti]

I think you should consider him an "as-is" proposition. If he absolutely won't do it, and you absolutely want it, you aren't a match.

[Gigabitch]

Don't ever give him another blowjob. If he misses it enough, maybe you can work out a compromise.

[squirrley]

Thats right honey, stop giving. Ya know the old saying "give and thall shall recieve?"

I had to do that with my husband, hey buddy I suck your dick several times a week its time we share in the deal here! So we compromised, we 69 perfect plan.

If he doesnt respond, then like Giga says, HALT.

[Illusional]

haha bottom line, if he's not willing then why should you be?? i hate when girls only like to receive and they never give head. shit, my gf used to pull this shit so i cut off all the foreplay. i would just stick it in her dry or not and finally she caught the hint.

raverboy

[Charlie Boy II]

i would just stick it in her dry

Man, that's nasty.

Becca - some guys just won't eat pussy. Unfortunately for you, it sounds like you've got yourself one of these guys. You can wax, clean and douche yourself silly and it won't make a lick of difference (no pun intended). It's not a reflection on your vagina.

It's not a cultural thing is it? I know in some cultures it's considered "low" for a man to be cunilingual

[GrkScorp]

Don't ever give him another blowjob. If he misses it enough, maybe you can work out a compromise.

I love giga's sensitivity to the whole situation.. lol

anyway, I had a couple of guy friends of mine have fears of going down an a new partner (which is what you are)..

there are a couple of reasons..

1. The vagina is a breading ground for bacteria.. luckily most women take care of it.. but the male version of the (sex hurts the first time talk).. is "the vagina is a dirty place talk".. where a barrier gets placed to prevent the guy from having sex.. The good news, this rarely works on guys, UNLESS thier first time with a woman happens so fast that the girl has no time to properly clean herself, and the odors are pretty strong (so is the taste)..

2. Speaking of taste, the actual experience may be unpleasant (strong taste, hair in the way, very wet area getting messy, etc.) This just takes some getting used to.. It personally took me a good 4-5 times to get very cumfy with going down there.. after that, i've become a little too cumfy.. always prefering to eat out than have someone else cook (if you know what I mean)..

3. Yes, some loser guys, no offense to your bf, are too lazy to go online and use the wonderful resourse that the internet is.. and do some research on how to properly go down on a girl.. (it's called limewire, and after a while, he's bound to find some interesting porn showing him how it's done).. But if he really wants to learn.. get some lesbian friends.. I didn't properly learn how to go down on a woman until I spoke to 2 lesbian friends of mine.. All the tricks, rhythmic patterns, etc.. these women have it down to a science, and have no inhibitions about telling all; it's like you're talking to a guy..

what you have to remember is that he's not doing it out of spite.. so don't result to spiteful tactics, because you'll only be making harder for yourself to have him co-operate and giving him an actual reason to be even more spiteful towards you and actually hold out.. which is not what he's doing..

the best thing you should do about it.. is stop being such a drama-queen, and go talk about it.. openly.. (no subtle hints, or messages).. just flat out openly talk about it.. if it helps, say the words (penis, vagina, pussy, dick, clit) 2-3 times together before you start talking.. it helps release feelings of inhibition.. the key to a successful relationship is communication.. so start talking..

there's only a very SMALL population of men out there who don't LOVE going down on their partner.. mostly because deep down inside.. they all know that it's the only one time they're actually giving pleasure to their partner.. but that's an other story.. lol

[GrkScorp]

haha bottom line, if he's not willing then why should you be?? i hate when girls only like to receive and they never give head. shit, my gf used to pull this shit so i cut off all the foreplay. i would just stick it in her dry or not and finally she caught the hint.

raverboy

hahaha.. if you're ever in NY, we should go out for coffee.. lol

some of these women have no idea how lucky they are that they found idiots who are so sexually needy that they would compromise and give in to these little female tactics..

that's just pathetic.. first of all.. subtlety won't work with guys like me.. and when I see that there's intentional holding-out going on.. well.. my libido is practically non-existant as it is.. so I can hold out for ages.. try me.. (I have the power of being busy with other things.. and when I have free time.. I have the power of porn, and the ability to freely think about other women).. so a woman's threat value of holding out.. is simply equal to zero..

the mistake that guys do.. is they simply go on strike.. and don't play dirty like women.. when women hold out.. they tease (so as to add to the cost of not giving in).. so, hello!!! guys have to tease too.. even pretend you're giving in.. fake-initiate sex on her and going down on her.. and then (wait; it's friday, ugh, it's trash day.. or; ugh.. I have to call James so he can send in that file before the deadline).. just look at her with a pearcing glance into her eyes.. to let her know that it was planned and intentional (ur playing dirty).. (smile even, to up the heat by mocking her or poking fun at the fact ur teasing her) and walk away.. it's that simple..

it's a simple business school concept on playing on your competative advantage.. women play on a man's (need for sex).. but guys, you can destroy this competative advantage with some good porn.. and instead, start playing on her weakness (emotions).. most women can't freely watch porn in substitute to their partner.. because there is a strong emotional aspect to sexual pleasure.. when you look at things this way.. (combined with the fact that you might not want sex that much to begin with, if you have low libido).. you have the clear advantage.. and her threat of holding out is not a credible one..

ps. a woman's only weapon against a guy is sex.. (and guys, you can do it yourself).. that being said.. u can hold out on much more.. shopping, family events, foreplay, anything sexual, quality time, etc... it can lead to all out warefare.. real mature right? but if that how she wants to play.. better make it all out warefare the first time.. so she gets the hint to never start this non-sense again..

[Illusional]

Man, that's nasty.

it's not nasty at all. sure, an unlubed girl isn't as "slippery" when you enter her, but being that there is more friction, you get a tighter feel.

raverboy

[gHEXjt]

Don't ever give him another blowjob. If he misses it enough, maybe you can work out a compromise.

This is the best advice you're going to get. Why should you do it if he won't? He probably doesn't have a clue what to do...Buy him a book or something.

[Illusional]

hahaha.. if you're ever in NY, we should go out for coffee.. lol

like all the other things that surprise people, i'm not really a coffee drinker. i'm a morning person and i don't have a hard time waking up for work. so of course after a hard day of work, i turn into a beer drinker, quite the opposite of your typical coffee nut.

raverboy

[cuddlemonster]

Don't ever give him another blowjob. If he misses it enough, maybe you can work out a compromise.

First time i disagree with you.

Using sex as a bargaining tool is setting yourself up for negative events in the future.

Just be open and express your feelings about this subject -in a way that will convey your message without belittling his view. This way communication is reached with out resulting to arguing and unpleasant emotions.

[Illusional]

well from your first post, it doesn't seem like your approach is working cuddle.

but i don't know what was so bad about it and i can't really stomach asking him anymore about it. it's ruining my self esteem!! i've tried talking about it with him, but part of it is fear of being bad at it and the other part seems to be something to do with the taste. please help!

maybe you might want to try other methods, being that you did ask for help.

raverboy

[Bandit_boy]

I don't really know how to answer this one, because I've never had a problem going down on a woman. Even back when I was a virgin, and fumbled around with intercourse, I munched like I was a porn star on speed. Some men respond to the female odors differently than others. As far as the Vagina being a bacterial breeding ground, our mouths are worse. Just smell the breath of someone with gingivitis. And some men find it a "chore" they need to get out of the way. For myself, it's a pleasure and a challenge to see how hard and long I can make her orgasm.
I don't know if the Alamo approach of holding-out is the best, because that can lead to animosity. But, in my opinion holding-out on the oral would be fair.
I agree with cuddlemonster, just express your views openly and constructively.
Oh...and a little whipped cream, strawberries, maybe some chocolate syrup wouldn't hurt. Wink Wink, nod nod!
If you can find one, try using one of those big peppermint sticks as a dildo, and you'll taste just like a candy cane!

[vashti]

1. The vagina is a breading ground for bacteria..

Actually, no it's not. The vagina (during childbearing years) is an acidic environment - pH 4.5-5.0 - and as such is a bactericidal environment.