Is he over her? How do I move forward?

[TippyToes]

So I've been dating this guy now for about 7-8 months. We have a really good relationship-we spend every waking moment together, and don't get sick of each other. We just blend well. Lately, we've been having many conversations about "our future" (For the record, I'm not the one who initiates these conversations). We're thinking of moving in together in June, and he talks about us being together 10 years down the road. Anyway, that's all fine and dandy. My problem is that I don't know how he feels about his ex girlfriend. They dated for like 6 years, and broke abut about 2 years ago. When I first met him, he would tell me what a wreck he was over her, and all that. Well, he swears he's over her, and they're good friends now. I'm all fine with that, I'm happy they've remained friends. But her stuff is EVERYWHERE. There's pictures of her, and them together all over his house; she still has a closet full of clothes in his house. Their names and initials are carved on the patio. She's just everywhere. She now lives like 3 hours away, and like I said earlier, they've been apart for about 2 years.
It bugs me to no end. I've confronted him about it on several occasions, and we used to get in fights about it, and now he's more sympathetic about it. He agrees that it would probably be hard for him, if I had my ex boyfriend plastered all over my house. But NOTHING is done about it. He just tells me how I need to get over it, and how he loves me, and that's his past. But its hard to be talking about a future together, when his past is constantly slapping me in the face. I feel like I'm in her "turf." I'm getting to the point where I just cant deal with it anymore. It needs to be about him and I, and the 2 of us, and her.
What are your opinions? Am I being unreasonable? Id love to just "get over it", but I don't know how. PLEASE HELP!

[Pretender]

Oh Yuck I'd hate to be in your situation. He sounds like he really genuinely cares for you but it comes down to the simple fact that you've talked to him, told him how it bugged you and he still didn't do anything about it to make you feel more comfortable. This may be me getting feminine but I think it's really disrespectful of him to leave pictures up around the house of them. It seems like hes not completely over her. Because when my ex and I broke up after 3 years I got rid of everything that wasn't "too special" and put it in the closet.

I think you need to give him an ultimatum. It's ridiculous to even have to worry over something like this but he obviously isn't very sensitive to how you're feeling about it or he'd take it down. Like you said you can't look at your future with him if hte past is always slapping you in the face(that was cute by the way).

Talk to him and say you're not comfortable with the pictures of them together all over the house. Say you should have pictures of us in their place. Never settle for less hun, everyone has to realize their worth more than they give themselves credit for.

I think you're being totally reasonable about this too. I dont even think it's a jealousy thing with you, it just bugs you which is totally understandable.

You may love him but there's no point being unhappy with someone. If he really cares for you like he says he should have no problem taking them down. Just give him the ultimatum.

[squirrley]

I dont think its unfair or unreasonable for you to ask him to kindly put those items away. He sounds like really loves you but maybe has a tinge or residual feelings for her yet, friends or not they will always have that past they shared. but in order for you two to grow together he has to understand that its impossible for you with "her" being there.Fine to be friends but let go of the relationship that WAS. I dont know how many conversations youve had with him regarding this...sounds like a few...but he has to understand your point of view as well.

Its up to entirely how much of "her" you can withstand. If you feel he is truly over her then you'll get through this together. But I would stress to him that you dont feel comfortable placing "her" items (pictures) in your house that you will be living in TOGETHER. Maybe that would help by telling him that, he's still living with "her" on a daily basis by having those things around his house. But I bet he'll get the idea when you discuss the please dont bring her with situation. Get what I am saying?

I cant imagine how hard this must be for you. I wish you luck girl...
sounds like you could have something but hes gotta let go...

goodluck

[sfalexi]

I think it's a reasonable thing, what you're asking. I would try to throw away one picture right in front of him and see how he reacts. If he starts flipping out, I'd be a LOT more cautious. If he just asks you what the heck was that about, explain it to him. "There's no way I can live in a house where I'm gonna be forced to see pictures and stuff of your ex-girlfriend all over the place. If you really want to continue this relationship, you have to do something about that before I can even THINK of moving in." Also figure out a way to tell him that it's ultimately a choice. Get rid of the pictures so he can be with you fully, or keep the pictures and lose you.

Don't move in and THEN try to make the change. Cause then he really doesn't have much incentive to get rid of them and get fully over her. He will ALREADY have you living with him.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Yes he's right in the fact that that was a part of his past, but it's disrespectful to have those out around a new relationship. Especially if the girl has voiced her opinion time and time again that she doesn't like it. Remind him that it IS the past. And if he wants any chance of a future with you, will have to stop letting a failed relationship from getting inbetween you.

Alexi

[Fawn]

I agree with everyones statements from above. Don't forget to tell us what you decided on doing