how to deal with unwanted crushes?

[Gribble]

I think that if you are seeking discipline, exercise, and a clear head, that's great.

If you're kidding yourself into believing that you'll be able to fight off a man in a dark alley, you're wrong.

[Tiay]

heh yeah, I read the same thing about martial arts; great for exercise and such.. but actual practical modern self-defence? Nope. If somebody surprises you and really attacks you away from the training hall, you'll have too much adrenaline going on to remember or even execute that fancy exotic move you learned. On the other hand, i'm sure it wouldn't hurt, either.

[IndiReloaded]

Hi Tiay,

If you were my daughter telling me this, I would immediately move you out of that dormitory. It doesn't seem safe & you need to be able to concentrate on your studies.

The incident where you awoke to find him nr your bed is the most disturbing. Don't you have a lock for your room? How did this happen? Don't you have a dorm manager you can report this to?

As for the rest, I remember having a similar situation in college w/a fellow who had a big crush on me, he actually tried to 'get with me' when I was drunk & vulnerable in my room one night. Fortunately, my roommate realized what was happening & chased him out. And I had a BF at the time (tho long distance), so that makes no difference to these guys.

My problem was that I was 'too nice'. I didn't have the heart to stomp on him such that there was no question I wasn't at all interested. Like your case, this fellow had two buddies who were egging him on. I think you'll need to find your Inner Bitch & let this guy know, publicly, that you think he's scum for doing what he's doing, too dumb can't take a hint, etc. Make sure he understands, without question, that you aren't interested. This way, everyone else around will also know you're not encouraging him. Important, should he be truly nuts and actually attack you.

FYI, in my case, my husband came on the scene shortly after this, which basically stopped this other fellow cold. Will your BF confront this guy? Getting your man to threaten or, if necessary, beat the shit out of this other guy may be old-fashioned primate type stuff, but there are still some guys out there that only understand this type of interaction.

MA won't help you w/this, btw. The timescale is too short. Coin rolls in your sock, close at hand is actually a good suggestion, but ultimately, you need to confront this guy or get away. Not doing anything is silent permission for this to continue.

Please take care.

[Junket]

Knives are one of the worst weapons for self-defense that you can get.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I wouldn't think to stab or slice anywhere less than the neck/face. It's good for the intimidation factor, though.

[IndiReloaded]

Yeah, I guess you're right. I wouldn't think to stab or slice anywhere less than the neck/face. It's good for the intimidation factor, though.

I found your knife post amusing, Fras b/c I actually own a knife that looks almost exactly like that, except mine is all stainless steel. Its a sailing knife, esp if it contains a spike on the other side. Its called a marlin spike & its used to undo knots in rope.

[Tiay]

Thanks Indi!

these are privately rented houses- the college doesn't have a dorm. And no, I can't lock my door... was thinking of fitting a bolt or something, though.

It's a good thing I don't go out or get drunk, then Yeah, I am also just too nice, and I tend to just not put my foot down. and my bf is long distance, so, he can't kick his ass from afar.

oh, I realise the MA would be way too slow- the whole situation just made me think of it.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks Indi!

these are privately rented houses- the college doesn't have a dorm. And no, I can't lock my door... was thinking of fitting a bolt or something, though.

That's completely unacceptable. I've never heard of a place that lets rooms co-ed like that & you can't lock your door. What's to keep ppl from going thru your room when you aren't there? Get a lock, asap or move.

It's a good thing I don't go out or get drunk, then

That was my first, and last, undergraduate drinking experience on campus. I never did it again. It was quite the learning experience.

Again, go & buy a lock (or at least a latch you can lock from inside). Such a latch won't provide much security in that it can be quickly broken, but it will certainly wake you (& others) up if it is. Do it today.

[misombra]

hahaha tiaa lives in the ghetto!

[anachronistic]

That was my first, and last, undergraduate drinking experience on campus. I never did it again. It was quite the learning experience.

Again, go & buy a lock (or at least a latch you can lock from inside). Such a latch won't provide much security in that it can be quickly broken, but it will certainly wake you (& others) up if it is. Do it today.

Heh, I guess that's all it takes for some..

Hell yes, I'd fit a lock to your door!!! If I were you, I'd be a bit crazy/paranoid about them, I'd get like 2-3 locks for the door.

I like misombra's idea about a bb gun, but bb guns can be really expensive for a decent one (same for knives). Don't get one unless you think it'd be really useful.

[DoesntMatter]

That's just ridiculous that you don't have a lock on your door, I can't even comprehend it. You absolutely need a lock, not having one is not an option

I think you should first confront him and be absolutely direct. If it keeps happening, call the police, since I'm assuming you are a good citizen. If it keeps happening, call the police again and get some sort of self defense if you start to feel physically threatened. If you DON'T feel physically threatened and merely weirded out, buying a weapon would be a bad choice

And the idea of getting a BB gun or knife is really, really bad. Shooting this guy with a BB gun will just piss him off and cause him to attack you and mess u up good. A knive would be the same.

If you REALLY want to have self defense, buy a gun. I've kept a loaded gun in my room at my house for a little over a year. A semi automatic vector arms uzi carbine with an 18" barrel and folding stock qualifies as a rifle under US laws and therefore no pistol permit or ballistic fingerprinting is needed. Of course you can quick easily obtain a 10" barrel to easily replace the 18" but without registering this it qualifies as a short-barreled rifle, and if you DO shoot this guy you want to do it with something legal

A CX4 storm is also pretty compact. But if you do use a gun for self-defense, make sure you have a lot of rounds in your clip (at least 20) and the weapon is legal. Because you don't want to shoot and/or kill someone with an illegal firearm when you could have just as easily done it with a legal one. Also spend time practicing with it

But it's never a good idea to go violent on someone if you aren't prepared for more of it from them or their buddies, it's kind of cyclic like that. So it's best to avoid alltogether

[Mish]

I am really worried about your safety. WTF was he doing in your room in the middle of the night? What if he won't take "no" for an answer next time? You'd better start carrying some pepper spray or something.

I'm with Vash on this

Pepper spray could work

[anachronistic]

That's just ridiculous that you don't have a lock on your door, I can't even comprehend it. You absolutely need a lock, not having one is not an option

I think you should first confront him and be absolutely direct. If it keeps happening, call the police, since I'm assuming you are a good citizen. If it keeps happening, call the police again and get some sort of self defense if you start to feel physically threatened. If you DON'T feel physically threatened and merely weirded out, buying a weapon would be a bad choice

And the idea of getting a BB gun or knife is really, really bad. Shooting this guy with a BB gun will just piss him off and cause him to attack you and mess u up good. A knive would be the same.

If you REALLY want to have self defense, buy a gun. I've kept a loaded gun in my room at my house for a little over a year. A semi automatic vector arms uzi carbine with an 18" barrel and folding stock qualifies as a rifle under US laws and therefore no pistol permit or ballistic fingerprinting is needed. Of course you can quick easily obtain a 10" barrel to easily replace the 18" but without registering this it qualifies as a short-barreled rifle, and if you DO shoot this guy you want to do it with something legal

A CX4 storm is also pretty compact. But if you do use a gun for self-defense, make sure you have a lot of rounds in your clip (at least 20) and the weapon is legal. Because you don't want to shoot and/or kill someone with an illegal firearm when you could have just as easily done it with a legal one. Also spend time practicing with it

But it's never a good idea to go violent on someone if you aren't prepared for more of it from them or their buddies, it's kind of cyclic like that. So it's best to avoid alltogether

tiay isn't from the US. Not sure what the gun regulations are there.

tiay, if you just get a lock, there is no need to have a weapon, unless you're going to carry it around everywhere. just call the cops, violence is the last resort.

this is coming from someone that owns a few guns, by the way.

[EmoBlackBelt]

You guys sure do talk about guns a lot. I've read about guns in three different threads today. Weird.

I would think a lock and some pepper spray would do just fine.

[Tiay]

yeah, I don't think I can legally own a gun here, unless it's a shotgun for hunting, for which I'd need proof. Things would have to get really serious before I'd hurt anyone. I'm good with pepper spray though
He stared at me all the way when I was going to hand up work just now. ignore.. :/

[vashti]

You guys sure do talk about guns a lot. I've read about guns in three different threads today. Weird.

I would think a lock and some pepper spray would do just fine.

Now you know why we have such a problem with guns in America.

I like the pepper spray or coin-in-sock idea, and DEFINITELY a lock for the door. I am aghast there isn't already one in place.