is mutually exclusive 'implied' when you have sex?

[reeba]

On our 7th date I had sex with my boyfriend. He said he wasn't dating anyone else, but I never had a talk with him specifically telling him I wanted to be mutually exclusive. All I said was I didn't want to be a 'fling'. Not very specific I know. And he gave the politician answer 'only time will tell' which was even less specific.

Ten days later I found out he had a profile on match.com. I paid the $40 to make a fake profile to see if he would fall for the bait. I didn't even have to 'wink' at him, he was on it within 24 hours.

His excuse was we never had a 'talk' discussing if we were mutually exclusive or not, and that he just wanted to date other people to see what else was out there, not have sex with them.

I said that I realize the male perspective is different from the female perspective, but from my point of view, once I sleep with someone it is IMPLIED that we are mutually exclusive. Him thinking that we weren't exclusive makes me feel like he thinks that I'm a slut, and that he thinks of me as nothing but a lay.

So here is the poll question, is mutually exclusive implied when you have sex? Please state if you are a male or female when you answer.

By the way, as a result of this, we had the 'talk', and are mutually exclusive for 5 months. It is just this topic came to surface again, when my little sister's boyfriend basically did the same thing to her.

[IndiReloaded]

Talk first, spread legs second.

[vashti]

I wouldn't ever assume exclusivity without an explicit statement.

[Mish]

Yeh, it's important to have the talk in the very beginning.

I would say right after the first French kiss. After that the interest is certainly there so both partners should be in agreement where to take it from there on onwards.

The fact that your partner did this to you shows that he has a very dishonest and sneaky side. He was being opportunistic. Even though you haven't had the talk, he knew that you were after exclusivity since you mentioned "No flings". He did this dating site thing with full knowledge of your point of view.

Be careful.

[gHEXjt]

I think that on the whole, and I'm not saying everyone because there are guys on this site who would get defensive, BUT, on the whole, you can chalk this up to being the way guys are.

There are relationships all around us, where the guy is the girl's boyfriend, per se, but she is not his girlfriend. As in, they are sleeping together, she is not sleeping around, but nothing has been explicitly stated and therefore, if something else comes around, the guy wouldn't be one to turn it down. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE DISCUSSION. Otherwise, you can't just assume like you more or less stated you did.

Mutually exclusive is not implied by sex, to answer your question. Lots of people like to have sex...they have it with people they don't necessarily see themselves being with long-term. They go on dates, have fun, and have sex, and that's the extent of the relationship. Maybe your now boyfriend did not know at the time whether it was going to end up being what it is now. That does not necessarily mean he shouldn't have had sex with you.

Finally, in response to Mishanya, him having the match.com account and still visiting it before they had the talk, IMHO, is less sneaky and dishonest than her making a fake profile and paying for it, just to try and catch him in the act of visiting the website and potentially trying to trap him. Honestly, if I were the boyfriend in this situation, and I found out what lengths she had gone to with that action, that would've been the end of the relationship for me. Not the confronting about the account, but the fact that she joined the site and was trying to trick him into proving he was screwing around.

[Mathias]

Yeh, it's important to have the talk in the very beginning.

I would say right after the first French kiss. After that the interest is certainly there so both partners should be in agreement where to take it from there on onwards.

Wow. I would run the mother**** away from you. Fast.

[squirrley]

People are quick to assume things in a relationship. Just because you had sex doesnt equal exclusivity. As much as we would like to think that, its just that, were thinking. You should always have the "where are we at" talk FIRST!!!

[sine24]

and you had sex with him why...?

[Mish]

Wow. I would run the mother**** away from you. Fast.

And that's why


I'm never going to date you

[Gigabitch]

And that's why


I'm never going to date you

You and Mathias would make the worst couple ever.

Reeba, I'm going to add another resounding NO in answer to your question, and repeat what my grandfather used to tell me:

When you assume, you make an ASS of U and ME.

Don't ever assume anything. Yes, in a perfect world, sex would mean commitment and exclusivity, but we are clearly not living in a perfect world.

The fact that this happened both to you and your sister makes me wonder what the hell your mama taught you. I'm going to make damned sure my daughter knows about this "talk first, open legs second" thing.

[automorphism]

The fact that he said "only time will tell" to your "I don't want to be a fling" implies that you could still be a fling. But I think that once you acknowledge that you are boyfriend and girlfriend then it's exclusive..it's more like you had sex with the guy you were dating and not your boyfriend cause he's not really your boyfriend.

[Mathias]

You and Mathias would make the worst couple ever.

Well, that's harsh.

True. But harsh.

[Junket]

Male:

You don't assume that shit these days.

I don't even feel bad for you, don't try to guilt him on this. Yes, it sucks, but your decision to assume that it makes you exclusive is at no fault of his own.

Learn from this.